(no subject)
I'm sitting at a blank screen... I'm biting, peeling, picking at my lips because I can't think of where to start on this. I just know that the pain of the skin peeling off my lips makes me cringe and squeeze my eyes shut in pain, but it will soon be gone and then I'll be able to taste the salty blood on my salty lips. I was trying to kick that habbit I had, not the lips... but the other thing. It's hard to do when everyone's in this habbit and I feel like I'm at a dead end. I just have to find my place here so I can fall into somewhat of a little more independent line of production. This really doesn't have anything to do with Nathan though, he puts up with alot of me. I've been really depressed lately, just laying in bed all day. Probably because I'm always too stoned. This is what I need to kick. I wish I was sleeping right now. I wish I had a little more freedom, but I'm on my own now. I can't say anything that would make my parents happy except - "Hey guys, I love you so very much... You know, it occured to me recently that I really HAVEN'T been looking for a job hard enough like you said, filling out at least 10 lengthy applications and finally resorting to a telemarketing agency just to pay the bills is a stupid idea because even though I do love Nathan, my success and your happiness is just so much more important so maybe I'll give into your bribes and come back home to Springfield. What? You're cutting me off completely and I have to start paying my college loans now? Oh! OK. I can do that with my wonderful successful job as a screw over who's getting screwed over at the same time!"
This is the only job that I could ever do and actually feel like I'm making the world a worse place.
I miss Sebastian.
Those fuckers should have hired me at Michael's. I know I could have done the job better than alot of those people. I know life isn't fair though. Alot of times, I can't tell if I'm being the rediculous one or everyone else is. I know it could always get worse, but I hope to God that it doesn't. I'm really sorry that I'm not posting anything other than these little rants, but there's really no where else I can put them and no one to talk to about it.
This is the only job that I could ever do and actually feel like I'm making the world a worse place.
I miss Sebastian.
Those fuckers should have hired me at Michael's. I know I could have done the job better than alot of those people. I know life isn't fair though. Alot of times, I can't tell if I'm being the rediculous one or everyone else is. I know it could always get worse, but I hope to God that it doesn't. I'm really sorry that I'm not posting anything other than these little rants, but there's really no where else I can put them and no one to talk to about it.