ALFRED'S HARD LIFE - 2011
January, 2011
1st:
• In a sequence of events he largely can't remember, ends up naked in Lili's hotel room, with Lili. He is not best pleased by the situation.
• Lili's insistence that nothing happened because he was too drunk to get it up is surprisingly unreassuring.
7th:
• Parents' day again. Spends a good deal of time talking quidditch to Lili's father (and desperately trying to avoid other subjects) in order to avoid his own parent(s).
8th:
• Despite agreeing not to talk about it (ever), the unresolved tension boils over and he ends up in a textual screaming match with Lili over what happened on New Year's and whose fault it was (hers).
• Also accidentally mentions it publicly, which they had both agreed never to do.
10th:
• Eats two whole cakes. That's as many as two ones.
• Confesses to Botan what happened with Lili on New Year's. The worst part is that she doesn't seem surprised.
20th:
• Tells Lili he's forgiven her for what happened and just wants to move on. This fails because she still won't admit it was her fault.
23rd:
• Confirms that 13 is again pregnant by checking her nipples all on his own. Daine would be so proud.
• Dares Lili to try and pretend he doesn't exist, which will fail hideously because she so obviously wants him.
27th:
• Pretends not to be bitter about Singles' Awareness Day by focusing on a bunny he found and named Mr. Bun.
• It doesn't work, because he is quite bitter, and because Mr. Bun isn't his and he has to give him back so 13 will stop trying to eat him.
February, 2011
3rd:
• Comments on the condom kerfuffle caused by Dumbledore's decision to make protection available through prefects. Not pleased with the number of people who seem to think he'll never need them, especially since he's gotten more play than all of them.
• Lili stops pretending he doesn't exist, which he enjoys in a gloaty fashion, but she still won't apologize, so he tells her she can just stop trying to talk to him.
20th:
• Wins the quidditch match against Hufflepuff, much to his delight.
• Finally gets an apology from Lili, who says she just wants things to go back to normal (he knew she couldn't keep away from him). Whether they will or not remains to be seen.
• What is with all these midgets threatening him lately? Do they not realize they're midgets?
March, 2011
2nd:
• 13 has her second batch of kittens: Georgie, Lou, Ginny, Flo, Caroline, and Saucy. They're very cute (but he wishes she didn't decide to have them on his pillow.
3rd:
• Doesn't approve of Lili's new non-confrontational method of shit-stirring "dealing" with problems, especially when it might make it hard for him to even talk to Fin without people suspecting shenanigans (because they would definitely care!)
5th:
• Immediately suspects foul play when one of the kittens (Lou) goes missing. Despite a few people suggesting that maybe no one is heartless enough to steal a kitten and 13 just got hungry, he will have none of it.
• Feels a bit embarrassed later when he finds a bit of blood in the cat bed. RIP Lou. :'(
9th:
• Gets all serious business about the attack on the Ministry a year ago, and what it means for his future. He really can't wait to get out of the dingy old castle and actually start accomplishing things. To this end, he will actually start focusing on NEWTs (like he should have maybe started doing months ago).
• Manages to score a detention and lose 5 points (from two different professors) to start out his new serious businessing on the right foot.
• Does agree to a study date with Lili. Hopefully she will be able to restrain herself from tearing all his clothes off and ravishing him on the study table (but he understands that it is hard).
• Starts teaching wrestlingwitch how to fly during a study break. And then shows off, because he can.
17th:
• Attends Dumbledore's memorial service for the people killed in the attack a year ago, and has some Deep Thoughts on the meaning of life and what it means to be a hero or whatever.
• After the service, the students and staff are greeted with a lovely message of "MUDBLOODS NOT WELCOME" written in mud on the wall in the foyer. Beautiful.
• No one knows who did it, so tensions are running high. Alfred wants to assure everyone that not all purebloods think like that, thank you very much.
• Really pissed off at those purebloods who feel the need to apologize for something they have nothing to do with. If they think they have to apologize, it makes it seem like they all are like that.
26th:
• Takes a trip to the zoo with his classmates. Hangs out with Lili and pets all the adorable animals.
• Actually doesn't get in trouble, and neither does she. The same can't be said for a bunch of other students.
April, 2011
1st:
• Doesn't participate in April Fool's Day, but is hella annoyed at whoever did. Seriously, pie in the face? What a hideous waste of pie. (As if he didn't eat whatever landed on him).
• Finds out that apparently the delinquents from the zoo trip were actually a bunch of muggleborns who can drop their wands and not even notice. Seriously, do they not even realize how dangerous that is??
• Well, mostly he's concerned about Lauren, since the rest were a bunch of Slytherins, sluts, and pedophiles (or all three). Oh, and that pretty prefect from Ravenclaw, but she's a pureblood and was probably okay.
8th:
• Gets called up to Fin's office, which makes him hella nervous, since the last time he talked to her privately, it was about whether or not he'd had sex with Lili.
• She's forgiven him, though (since it wasn't his fault) and wants his help looking for a new place to live. They finally discuss whether or not they're getting back together at the end of the school year, and she invites him he invites himself to move in with her in June.
• Which is good, because he has no money and no plans for what to do with himself after he gets out of school (well, get into auror training, but that get him in out of the rain or anything.)
• Starts planning a super awesome housewarming party for himself for once they've moved in. It's gonna be the best ever.
16th:
• Starts looking at apartments with Fin over spring break.
• It's actually really super boring, even if getting to hang out with Fin for once is nice. But seriously, can they just pick one already and get it over with so they can spend the rest of the break hanging out and doing fun things?
18th:
• Meets Lili in Paris conveniently not mentioning who he's meeting to Fin to settle things with her manager and let him know that she will not be fighting for him anymore.
• Ends up punching him out, so that was pretty fun.
• Starts working on modifying Lauren's broom for optimum performance, and designing a paint job for optimum awesomeness.
28th:
• Plays capture the flag with the muggle sports club. Was promised a war game and it's really just a lot of running around, but it's still pretty fun. You can tackle people and stuff.
• Didn't get to be captain even though he brought his own flag, what bullshit is that. Ended up being on a team led by some babies. Rude.
• Still fun though.
29th:
• Finds out that the guy he punched out ended up talking to Lili's dad. Which is bad or something, because her dad isn't supposed to know that she's a crazy bitch.
• Tries to be reassuring, but ends up getting distracted and telling her to join the muggle sports club 'cause it's cool.
May, 2011
1st:
• Brings the kittens out to give away to good homes during the May Day festival. He's a little, um, unsure about where some of them are going, but they will be watched.
• Sad? Why would he be sad? He's just glad he doesn't have to deal with a billion cats anymore.
• Also gets into an argument with Lauren about who has more boob experience. Obviously he does, because he has quality AND quantity on his side.
7th:
• Conducts quidditch practice as usual despite the sudden and embarrassing lack of pants trousers. It's awkward, but they have to win, dammit!
9th:
• Points out that he's having a super awesome party for his birthday with fireworks and booze and zero potential for being busted by parents, because he's gonna have his own place. He's a little bit excited.
• Only cool people are invited. Or at least, people who aren't huge dicks. And no babies. And fulltimebitch because eh.
• Also finds out that he is somehow pretty_darn_gay dream guy. Is flattered Does not want.
20th:
• Gears up for the last quidditch practice of the season and is totally ready to pep-talk her team onto victory!
• Oh yeah, and is suddenly a girl. Isn't really all that bothered by it since she also suddenly has girl memories.
• And great tits.
22nd:
• Wins the last quidditch match of the year! Woo!
• But loses the quidditch cup. Boo.
• Has a kickass party anyway, and gets kind of sentimental with Lauren Laurel, before telling him how much awesome sex she's going to have when school gets out. Yay.
24th:
• A little more weirded out by the whole female-bodied thing now that he's got his penis and his boy memories back.
• ... His girl self was kind of a slut. What's up with that?
June, 2011
6th:
• Fuck NEWTs.
7th:
• Fuck NEWTs.
8th:
• Fuck NEWTs.
9th:
• Fuck NEWTs.
10th:
• Fuck NEWTs.
• And fuck whoever thought it was funny to write FATASS on all his shirts.
• Seriously, what a douchebag.
11th:
• Is officially done with schooling. Feels pretty damn good.
• At least until he has to take the auror exam, and all the schooling that comes with that. :|
• But at least they get to learn cool stuff.
• And the drinking is probably lots better.
17th:
• Finally tells Fin that Lili may be coming to stay with them for a little while. She... doesn't take it well. But he manages to convince her.
18th:
• Finally heading home on the train for the last time. Friggin' sweet!
• Lauren is mad at him for some reason? Fin is also mad. So that's lovely.
• Spends most of the afternoon scourgifying a couch he found on the street in order to make it bed-worthy for Lili.
• And then finally, finally breaks his nearly-a-year-long dry spell in breaking in the new master bedroom. Apparently Fin wasn't that mad at him.