ALFRED'S HARD LIFE - 2009 (+2008)
December, 2008
1st:
• Buys Abigail, the first broom (the first big thing) that he's ever bought entirely with his own money. She represents his first big step toward independence.
12th:
• xxkurogamonxx punches him, and hits hard, which does nothing but intensify the crush he's been harboring ever since fifth year started and he realized she was a girl.
19th:
• Goes home for Christmas, for what will turn out to be the last time.
25th:
• Gets into a huge fight with his father. Not that this is anything unusual, but this time it's worse than normal. Arthur draws his wand, and Alfred throws a teapot (and hits). It ends with Alfred storming out of the house with Abigail, heading for Hogwarts.
27th:
• Arrives at Hogwarts after 400 miles and two nights of sleeping in barns. Unfortunately he flies right into a Ministry of Magic investigation. They interrogate him and take Abigail away.
30th:
• Raimei tells him that her family was murdered by her older brother. Well crap.
31st:
• Spends New Year's Eve up on the Astronomy tower with Raimei, setting off fireworks. He tries to kiss her at midnight, but she's too oblivious, and he fails.
January, 2009
11th:
• Raimei begins dating xth_skeith, much to Alfred's dismay.
• Despondent for a few hours, until he rebounds onto swallow_waltz, the first girl to tell him a story about dinosaur robots. The two hit it off.
12th:
• The rest of the student body returns from winter break. He recieves a kitten from b_abyshark, which he decides to name 13.
• Goes on his first date with Marta (and 13) down by the lake, where they have their first kiss. But it's January, and cold, so they promptly return to the common room for their second, third, fourth...
16th:
• A sexswap event leaves him as a girl and Marta as a boy. Marta's attempts to stuff his D-cups into her training bras leads to topless makeouts, but in the end he avoids losing his virginity as a girl.
18th:
• Still isn't over Raimei, and ends up getting into a verbal spat with Haseo over the journals, which ends with the three of them being called into yukimi_mama office, where they discuss their stupid teenage problems.
• Afterward, the sexswap begins wearing off, and he goes to meet Marta on the Astronomy tower. But before they can make out, she realizes that she was his rebound, and calls him out. They eventually make up when he promises he only likes her.
• Their attempted stairway makeout is interrupted by Peeves, leaving Alfred rather not in the mood.
23rd:
• Thanks to a Ministry representative seeming to know more than she ought to, he becomes convinced that the Ministry is spying on students (him in particular) in the showers. Among other places.
25th:
• Deciding that the Ministry is in cahoots with the paintings, and spying on them through that means, Alfred attempts to rally a group to burn all the portraits.
• Gets detention for his efforts.
26th:
• Raimei's brother death_flowers shows up as the new DADA TA. Alfred was expecting someone less gay.
• Wastes no time letting Raikou know he's onto him, but for Raimei's sake, promises to keep his presence a secret. He's not happy about the situation, but Raimei not getting herself killed is most important.
31st:
• Comes down with Mono (or possibly the plague), along with Marta It's a very melodramatic affair.
February, 2009
6th:
• Finally gets out of the hospital wing with Marta after a very boring (and well-supervised) week, but their condition is still fragile.
10th:
• Finds out that Raimei fought not once, but twice with varian_prince, resulting in nasty cuts on her neck.
• Raimei makes him promise not to fight Bel himself. He consents on the condition that she isn't to fight him again either.
13th:
• Most of the school is affected by a love potion slipped into the tea.
• Since Alfred hates tea, he takes it upon himself to look after Raimei, who is suddenly in love with everyone and everything.
• Rescues her from the giant squid in an EPIC SQUID BATTLE that will go down in history (if only because he still doesn't shut up about it).
• The squid still pines for its lost love.
14th:
• Gets harassed by a gnome in a diaper delivering Valentine's Day messages. Apparently life is going to suck when he grows up.
• But gnomes aside, he takes Marta on a very romantic picnic in an empty classroom, and she gives him his first blowjob on the floor between some desks. This is the stuff dreams are made of.
18th:
• A childcare project is announced: every student is paired off and given a baby to raise with their partner.
• Alfred is paired with Bel, which makes him begin to regret his promise not to fight.
• Names the baby Indiana.
21st:
• Definitely is not upset about not getting a letter from his father when his brothers did. He just didn't expect him to give up that easily.
• Ends up telling Raimei about their Christmas fight. She's not thrilled (except by his aim).
22nd:
• The quidditch match versus Slytherin is postponed due to roses, much to the frustration of everyone.
March, 2009
4th:
• Quidditch finally happens, but it ends in a tie. Much to the frustration of everyone.
• It's also one of the most brutal matches in recent memory.
• Accidentally broke teammate makachopgo broom, incurring her ire and threats against Abigail.
• Also not-so-accidentally knocked lonelyfall out, causing her to miss the very end of the baby project and saying goodbye to her baby. Now she's out for revenge.
6th:
• Fin decides that Alfred's punishment will to be her maid for one day, date to be determined.
• Not thrilled about getting punished for playing his position, but when she finally explains why she's upset, he's more sympathetic.
9th:
• redwhiteandtea shows up at Hogwarts as the new Ancient Runes teacher. To say Alfred is upset would be an understatement.
11th:
• Raimei insists that Arthur isn't so bad. Alfred attempts again to explain why he is, but she takes ubmrage at his description of their fight as attempted murder.
• It turns into a huge fight, as Alfred accuses Raimei of calling him a liar and not taking his concerns seriously, when he's been nothing but supportive of her own family issues.
• Marta attempts to calm him down, ultimately by taking his virginity. It helps a little, but he's still upset.
12th:
• 5th - 7th years set off on a field trip to London, with Alfred exceedingly grumpy about being dragged out of bed in the morning, having to leave Marta behind, and being in a group with Raikou and lavenderglasses, two of his least favorite (and most gay) people.
• At least being in Raikou's group means he's quite carefully kept away from Raimei's group.
15th:
• Raimei comes down with mono (which she got from sharing a brownie with Alfred), and Alfred ends up carrying her to the hospital wing, where they eventually make up.
17th:
• Fin calls in her favor and, with Marta's help, gets Alfred into a French maid outfit for Raimei's entertainment in the hospital wing.
24th:
• Becomes convinced that redblacknfeesh told Arthur that he and Marta had sex, and gives him a swirly.
• Is immediately and viciously called out for it, including by zodiaconigiri, whose anger is terrifying.
• Isn't sorry, but is upset that no one seems to be on his side.
25th:
• Raimei interrupts yet another argument with Arthur by reminding him that he's lucky to have a family at all, and that he should make an effort.
• In a moment of extreme insensitivity, he tells her if she wants a family so bad, she can have his. She stops speaking to him entirely.
26th:
• Actually apologizes for what he said to Raimei, but she tells him to stop apologizing and continues to act distant.
• Continues to beg for her forgiveness, which eventually prompts Head of House scythe_papa to get involved. Eventually she does forgive him.
28th:
• Has sex with Marta a second time, when he's actually in a mood to properly enjoy it.
29th:
• This quickly becomes common knowledge thanks to his extremely obvious mood and improper filtering.
• If Arthur had been suspicious before, he definitely knows now, and takes Abigail away as punishment.
30th:
• Incensed by this obvious injustice, Alfred ransacks his father's office to get his broom back.
• Arthur catches and confronts him, and they get into an intense verbal fight.
• Alfred puts his hand through a cabinet, and has a minor breakdown when Arthur points out that his friends are not overwhelmingly on his side.
31st:
• Made to stay in the hospital wing overnight to mend his hand and his stress levels.
• A steady stream of visitors helps to reinflate his delicate soufflé ego.
April, 2009
11th:
• Stays at Hogwarts over the Easter holidays.
• Starts working on a spell to reliably shrink Abby to pocket size and restore her to normal without ruining her aerodynamics (so he can keep her with him at all times).
14th:
• Finishes the spell and henceforth starts wearing Abby on a leather thong around his neck.
16th:
• Ends up willingly spending the day with Arthur, thanks to a wish event.
• Arthur, acting on Fin's advice, gives him a broom kit as a peace offering.
20th:
• Finally confronts Arthur about what happened during the event, and makes it clear he can't buy his love with presents.
• No one puts their fist through a solid object, though, and a little bit of progress is made.
23rd:
• Hogwarts is attacked by dragons, and Gryffindor and Ravenclaw towers are destroyed.
• Alfred spends most of the day rescuing people (and kittens) from Gryffindor despite teachers' protests, and worrying about everyone when they finally do drag him away.
30th:
• Begins making plans on what to do for summer, since he can't stay at Hogwarts and he won't return to his father's house.
• His options are staying in London to take a job at a quidditch supply store, or staying with Arthur's cousin Francis in Paris, working at his patisserie like he did the summer before.
May, 2009
3rd:
• Is knocked off his broom (for the first time in his life) during a quidditch match versus Ravenclaw. (He does make sure to grab her before they cart him off to the hospital wing.)
• Flirts a bit with Fin, who's in the hospital wing as another victim of the mono epidemic.
6th:
• The first Ten Years Later event begins, warping all the denizens of Hogwarts ten years into the future.
• Alfred is an auror living in northern Virginia, along with Raimei, who was sent there on assignment and moved in with him to save on rent.
• Everyone thinks they're an item, but they're not.
• redwhitenmaple was working as a mediwizard and married to crystalinnocent before he was murdered by Death Eaters.
• Alfred isn't aware that Fin was the one who fed his brother's information to the ones who killed him.
• Hooks up with Marta in a nostalgic fit.
• She becomes intensely jealous when she learns he's living with Raimei, though, and they up in an argument over when she'll be having his babies (never).
9th:
• Everyone is returned to their past consciousness, but with vague memories of their future still intact. Alfred isn't sure how to feel.
• He does give Matthew a big hug and insists to Marta that they shouldn't break up.
12th:
• Decides, after having time to digest the information, that the future was awesome and that he has the power to change the bad parts before they happen again.
14th:
• Makes a decision to go to France for the summer, and take Marta with him.
20th:
• Tired of Matthew dragging his feet, he curls his hair and impersonates him in order to ask Lenalee out.
• She sees right through it. (But they do get together.)
26th:
• Accidentally gets locked in a closet with Raimei. Porn-worthy dialogue ensues.
• Nothing happens, but that doesn't stop them from being the talk of the school for a day or so.
• Marta is not pleased, and for once she refuses to instantly forgive him.
29th:
• Raimei finds out that Alfred, among others, has been hiding Raikou's presence from her for months.
• They have a screaming row, in which he insists he was only looking out for her well-being, and she tells him he had no right to make that decision for her.
• She tells him they are no longer friends. He's heartbroken, but refuses to apologize for keeping her safe.
June, 2009
4th:
• Knowing that Raikou is in the castle, Raimei can't sleep, and eventually ends up in the hospital wing after passing out from exhaustion.
• Alfred confronts her and tells her he won't let her alone, even if she doesn't want to be friends. She doesn't forgive him yet, but they reconcile.
5th:
• Raimei refuses to take a sleeping draught, but she does grudgingly admit she feels safe enough to sleep if Alfred is with her.
• They spend the night together on a couch in the common room.
8th:
• Marta happens to see Alfred and Raimei sleeping together, which is the straw that breaks the camel's back.
• She forces him into an ultimatum: choose between his female friends and her.
• Hurt that she would even ask such a thing, he chooses his friends, especially Raimei, who at the moment, needs him more.
• Proceeds to eat all of his feelings.
18th:
• Arrives in France without the girlfriend he'd said he was bringing along, prompting Francis' concern.
• Being quite learned in the ways of l'amour, Francis pours him a glass of wine and asks if they can talk about it.
• Alfred isn't much for talking about his feelings, but he is a rather cheerful drunk, which is better than being miserable.
27th:
• Invited over for dinner by one of the patisserie's regular customers, who offers to help him with French.
• It turns out that she didn't mean the French language.
• Uncomfortable with her advances, but also enjoying the attention (and being fifteen years old facing the idea of snubbing a grown woman), it takes him a while before he leaves.
• A distressing number of Hogwarts students are victim-blamers and double-standardists.
29th:
• Ends up naked in genki_ni_yuuki kitchen thanks to an event.
• This doesn't help the accusations that he's developed a taste for older women.
July, 2009
2nd:
• Makes the school yearbook five times, because he is very popular.
4th:
• ONE YEAR CLOSER TO BEING LEGAL.
• Spends the day with Lenalee playing Tourist in Paris.
• Francis takes him out for steak and legal beers.
• Sets off fireworks in celebration.
7th:
• Agrees to fight someday_hunter despite his policy against fighting girls, provided she can knock him off his feet first.
• She does, and it's kinda hot. The fight ends in a draw.
• Gets home late and covered in bruises, causing Francis to actually punish him for once, both for lying about skipping work and being lazy enough not to cover his tracks, and especially for fighting a girl. His journal is confiscated.
• Francis takes the opportunity to write to Alfred's friends about how lonely he is without a girlfriend, and look for eligible suitors.
8th:
• Gets his journal back and sees the conversations Francis had with his friends, some of which are a little disconcerting.
• Isn't best pleased with the insistence that he's lonely or can't find a girlfriend for himself, either.
• Fin accidentally ends up reminding him how things left off with Marta, and brings him mashed potatoes to apologize.
• She ends up spending the night, in his bed.
13th:
• Finds out that Francis knew about his (platonically) sleeping with Fin when he encourages them to get together.
• Tries to fix things, but ends up making it worse.
14th:
• Gets drunk during Bastille Day festivities and makes out with a nice French girl named Sophie.
• Drunkenly proclaims to all and sundry that her breasts were very soft and clearly there's no need to worry about him being lonely anymore.
15th:
• Not sure how to feel when a Hogwarts student is attacked, and Death Eaters are suspected.
• Offers to take Sara out for a drink, although they don't get along, as it's his boyfriend who was attacked, and it makes him feel a little like he's doing something.
• Unfortunately, Sara turns out to be an incredible lightweight, and Alfred is forced to drag him to a hotel after he passes out. Fortunately he is also quite literally a lightweight.
• Ends up sleeping on the floor.
16th:
• Sara proves himself to be a worthless backstabber by misrepresenting Alfred's actions on the journals, thereby erasing any goodwill Alfred might have felt toward him.
• Marta announces that she has a hot Norwegian boyfriend, Jean-Claude, who is also a professional dragon-slayer.
• Alfred is obscenely jealous.
• She dares him to come fight the (obviously super-muscular and vicious) Jean-Claude if he has a problem with their relationship, and he surprises her by doing just that.
• It turns out that Jean-Claude was, in fact, fictional (who would have guessed) and angry makeouts happen. Then they get back together.
17th:
• Leaves for super special awesome summer quidditch camp!
• Unfortunately this also means leaving new old girlfriend Marta. But quidditch!
28th:
• Decides to stop shaving in order to shave precious minutes off his daily routine (and gain precious minutes of sleep).
• No one is impressed.
August, 2009
2nd:
• Feels impotent and frustrated when Lenalee's house is attacked by Death Eaters, as he doesn't feel there's anything he can do.
• What a lousy hero.
7th:
• Goes to the Quidditch World Cup final with the quidditch camp.
• Possibly the best day of his life to date.
• Germany beats Uganda.
8th:
• Marta finally makes him shave.
21st:
• After making a not-quite-as-private-as-she-meant-it-to-be entry about how wonderful waking up with Alfred is, a very embarrassed Marta asks gtfomytea for Alfred's hand in marriage.
• Appalled at this flouting of traditional gender roles, not to mention shocked at the sudden mention of the m-word, Alfred dodges the subject until he has time to think about it.
23rd:
• Wins the Mr. Daily Prophet competition as part of an end-of-summer festival in Diagon Alley, along with Ms. Daily Prophet, Fin. The prize is 200 galleons.
• Later, another Hogwarts student is attacked by a dark object, and Death Eaters are again suspected. Alfred still feels frustrated and impotent.
26th:
• Breaks into his father's house in London in an attempt to reclaim the things he left there last Christmas when he ran away.
• Is caught and confronted, of course. No progress is made.
31st:
• Selected as Gryffindor's quidditch captain!
• Vows to lead the team to victory and the quidditch cup.
September, 2009
4th:
• Since Marta hasn't stopped talking very un-subtly about their future, and worried that she might further emasculate him by proposing, he asks his friends for advice.
18th:
• Finally finds the perfect ring in an owl-order catalog, and uses his 200 galleons of prize money to pay for it.
25th:
• Wasn't too worried about parents' day, since Arthur already works at the school.
• Then the ghosts started showing up, including his own dead mother.
• Spends the weekend outside, and eventually confesses to bingotothat about his fear of ghosts.
October, 2009
3rd:
• Proposes to Marta over Hogsmeade weekend in Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop.
• She tearfully accepts (sex is implied to ensue).
6th:
• Fin disappears from school, leaving behind a letter telling him not to come looking for her.
• Alfred is left feeling more frustrated and impotent than ever.
22nd:
• 13 is magically transformed into a (smoking hot) human.
• She is just as opposed to clothes and has no more sense of personal space than she did as a cat.
• Alfred finally convices her to put clothes on if she's going to sleep in his bed with him, but Marta still insists on being a human shield.
• School beds are not big enough for three people.
November, 2009
4th:
• Fin reappears, and Alfred is overjoyed, until she tells him she hates him and never wants to see him again.
11th:
• Fin invites Alfred to a picnic by way of apology, and he accepts.
• But the food is poisoned; she's put a potion in it to shrink Alfred down to six inches tall.
• She then murders Abigail, who is conveniently easy to break while shrunk down to pocket size.
• Her mission accomplished, she leaves Alfred outside to be terrorized by her owl.
• More depressed over Abby's murder than anything, Alfred spends the afternoon sleeping inside his own pocket.
12th:
• Cancels quidditch for the rest of the week while he grieves.
December, 2009
5th:
• Buys a new broom during Hogsmeade weekend and names her Dolley.
• It is very important to note that she is not a replacement for Abby, but a successor.
7th:
• Begins to hallucinate as Hogwarts is slowly pumped full of a mysterious gas that causes all inhabitants to live their worst fears.
• Convinced he is alone in the castle without a living soul, surrounded by unfamiliar ghosts.
10th:
• Is uncomfortable sleeping by himself even after the fear gas wears off, and ends up passing out in the common room where at least there are people.
• magicofthewild comforts him and confesses her own worst fears, and they cuddle up together on the couch.
13th:
• Fed up again that he won't stop snuggling other girls, Marta calls off the engagement, complete with hysterical ring-throwing.
• Eats all of his feelings again.
14th:
• Quidditch players are auctioned off as dates for the upcoming winter dance in order to raise funds for the school.
• Daine buys Alfred to save him from having to go with Sara.
• Realizes his dress robes no longer have a chance of fitting since he's grown over five inches and gained at least thirty pounds since he last wore them, but Daine promises to alter them for him.
17th:
• Impulsively asks Daine to be his girlfriend
• She's well aware it's a rebound relationship, but doesn't think it's anything serious, and says yes.
21st:
• Kisses Daine for the first time in the most romantic situation: cleaning up bird carcasses after his cat got to them.
• Marta walks in on them as she's attempting to deliver Alfred's Christmas present, and then promptly runs off.
• Alfred runs after her, trying and failing to get her to come back.
• Daine is understandably upset that he would run off after his ex-girlfriend in the middle of their snog session, but forgives him fairly easily with a hug.