Please save my life

[redtwankle]

Wow! He told me that he's having so much fun going out this weekend, but he expects the fun to end when we move in....he asked do you expect it to be fun to just act goofy with eachother and watch movies. He's asking me if I expect it to be fun....I am dreading moving in with him. I spent money today on apartment stuff....I arranged the apartment...I work two jobs....fuck I'm doing everything and I'm the pregnant one! He's telling me stories about when he went out this weeknend how they battled in the street and acted stupid, and ya know what? He's prob one of those peeps that I would see in the street and be like god disgrace to ur race. We're not equal. We're no where near on the same level. He doesn't understand that the fun has ended for me, but I have so much hope in this. I can't go out...I can't go to Springhill...God I wish I could go back and just become a doctor. I wish that I could spend money like I did and go out and not have any responsibilities...not even taking care of myself...but I can't. I took the road less traveled by....and now I'm different. So maybe I'm not fun anymore...I wish that he were one of the boys that I liked to go out with...actually enjoyed myself with. I loved going out with Mack and George and BJ and Chris, because I knew their people. We all chilled. They made me smile. I hate going places with him. I always feel stared at. He's not a man...he's a little boy. He's not doing shit while I win the bread and the toaster. I can't stand it. He acts as if his life situation will be of less value when he moves in with me...he's moving on up...out of the east...forced to work and eventually go to school...starting a family. I am moving down..not him...I am throwing it all away to start a family. Who am I kidding...he makes my heart hurt so much when he says things like his fun is ending. I have so much hope in this...even if I am the only one.

Can anyone loan me $50 on the 15th and I can pay you back on the 18th? I don't get my check till the 18th and have overspent on apartment needs. I'll pay you interest? Anyone? Please save my life.