The Ash amongst the Stars - Chapter 1
Title: The Ash amongst the Stars
Genre: Historical, Angst, Violence, Smut, Fluff, AU
Pairing: Pin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: In a place where love is seen as the ultimate weakness and honour is worth more than life itself, a treacherous assassin returns to claim a young warrior as his own. With the stench of death surrounding them and their history steeped in lies, they each find themselves doubting everything that they thought they knew about the world, and about each other.
‘Look!’ the silhouette cried, twirling rapidly in the darkness, arms stretched towards the heavens. ‘The fire demons are escaping!’Childish laughter followed the bold statement, and moments later the figure had crumpled to the ground, dizziness and wonderment overcoming him.
‘Fire demons?’ the first boy’s words were echoed in the form of a question from his companion. ‘Is that what they are?’ He sank to his knees and bit his lip, waiting for his high spirited friend to explain.
‘Of course!’ came the hearty reply, ‘they escape from the flames, and fly up towards the sky!’ the fire’s light illuminated his young face and caused fireflies to dance in his eyes as he met his friend’s gaze.
‘But demons aren’t allowed to go back up!’ the second boy said with a frown, shooting the celebratory bonfire a nervous glance all the same.
‘Do you always do as you’re told?’ came the whispered reply; the slight raise of an eyebrow and the sly curl of those lips, betraying his future character. The second boy remained silent. ‘They’re trying to escape the flames and return to heaven. Most of them fail, and fall as ash, but some of them succeed.’
‘They do?’ Anxiousness was now blatantly obvious in the second boy’s voice.
Suddenly the storyteller seemed to grow serious and he shuffled closer to his friend. 'That’s what the stars are; the fire demons that escaped the flames! It’s a good idea, right? They don’t serve anyone...they just go for what they want! One day, I’m going to do the same.’
‘You’re going to leave the village?’
‘Sure!’ the boy grinned and nudged his friend, ‘you could come with me! I’m sick of these silly festivals and rituals...we could become actors or artists or spies or princes! Even Emperors!’
‘You can’t say that!’ the second boy practically yelped, twisting around as though expecting to be struck down by a furious onlooker, ‘we can’t disrespect the Emperor!’ Having realised that the other villagers were too preoccupied with the celebration to care about the whisperings of two young boys, he turned back to his friend and felt his heart sink. He gulped, ‘we’re going to be warriors.’
The eyes of the boy that had previously danced in the firelight were now glaring at him coldly; his unruly hair was casting dark shadows against the skin of his face; and his already well-formed jaw was clenched in anger. ‘I can do whatever I want,’ suddenly his voice sounded somehow older, darker; ‘I’m going, with or without you.’ He tilted his head back, and gazed at the stars and the fire demons, ‘this whole place is going to disappear anyway, just like the ash does.’ He smiled and looked back towards his friend, no trace of the anger he’d displayed seconds ago. ‘So I think we should at least try to reach the stars.’
~*~*~*~
Tears streamed from burning eyes as he tried to spit the fumes from his choking lungs. His palms were pressed firmly against his ears, in a vain attempt to block out the sounds of death. He groaned as the memory from his childhood washed over him. Squinting up from the ground he tried to focus on the flame licked building that he’d very recently referred to as home. But the memory was too strong, almost as though it were being acted out in front of his very eyes. The fire then had been mysterious, beautiful, comforting. A crash and the roof of his house caved in. Reaching out he grasped at the earth, trying to find something to hold onto, something to give him the leverage to drag himself away from the deadly heat. For he knew that if he stood up he’d only be knocked down again and would likely receive the gift of a katana blade to the chest. The building behind him cried out again at the burden of the flames, causing him to scratch at the earth more frantically. There was no appropriate age for death and he knew it, but at eighteen he couldn’t deny the bitterness and sorrow that the prospect brought him. He would die scrambling like a worm in the dirt. He flushed with shame; there was no honour in such a death. Finally his fingers brushed against something, causing him to start and grasp desperately at the unseen shape. But when the object moved beneath his fingers he felt his body recoil in fear; it was a boot.
‘The fire demons are raging tonight!’ A startlingly familiar voice laughed. ‘We should be celebrating! Why are you rolling in the dirt?’
‘Jin?’ he gasped in terror and disbelief. He’d know that voice anywhere, but his eyes told him nothing, as his old friend’s face was masked by a dark cloth and the surrounding flames and fumes continued to make it impossible to focus. A thousand questions swam to mind and he opened his mouth to ask them all at once, but the desire of the smoke in his chest to escape was stronger, and he found himself spluttering and choking, his body heaving, desperate to expel the poison and take in clean air.
Gloved hands dragged him to his feet but his head remained bowed as he coughed, his fingers grasping desperately at dark garments. He wanted to pull his friend close and force him away simultaneously. He stared down at his robes; they were torn and stained with earth and blood. He gulped as he brought his breathing steadily back under control. Jin had seen how cowardly he had acted, and now his old friend was no doubt waiting for him to face him.
‘Pi?’ the familiar voice addressed him by his nickname, confirming his suspicions and causing him to flinch; Jin had been the only person ever to address him in such a way. ‘Yamapi?’ the longer title, more commonly used, but still undeniably familiar. After two long years his old friend had returned, bringing with him a plague of destruction, and transforming the village into a deadly inferno. ‘Yamashita Tomohisa!’ finally his full name was spoken, in a tone laced with urgency, and Yamapi knew that he had no choice but to face his fate.
‘Listen. There isn’t much time,’ Jin’s words spilled out in a hushed whisper, yet despite the surrounding screams each word rang clear, ‘no survivors. That’s the order. I’ll put you under my protection but you’ve got to swear your loyalty to me, and my family.’
It was as though an alien force was working to clamp his jaw together, as he stared at the concealed face of his friend. He wanted to speak but shock and revulsion made it impossible, instead he attempted to throw himself backwards in the hope of breaking Jin’s grip. However this action only worked to make the masked man tighten his hold, arms like steel holding him in place, and forcing his own vulnerability to his attention.
‘I’m giving you a chance,’ Jin threaded his gloved fingers into the topknot that Tomohisa, as part of the warrior class, wore with pride. ‘If you refuse me, I’ll kill you.’
Behind them the glowing carcass of the tiny Yamashita family home finally crumpled, spraying hot ash in their direction. Tomohisa gasped as the unbearable heat overwhelmed them, he was certain that his clothes would ignite and he would burn in Jin’s treacherous arms. And yet, despite his mounting fury, he allowed himself to be pulled further into Jin’s embrace, as the man who exceeded him slightly in height, pulled him around and shielded him from the flames. It was the second time in minutes that Tomohisa had acted without honour.
‘You...’ Tomohisa finally found his voice, ‘you’re a traitor!’ he struggled against the warm body that protected him. ‘Everyone’s dead!’ the hair-raising sound of a woman’s scream sliced through the air; her death serving only to strengthen his words. ‘You...why would you...’ he couldn’t find the words, as he stared hopelessly into barely visible eyes. But Jin, it would seem, was waiting for him to conclude. ‘I refuse,’ his voice shook but he pushed his shoulders back defiantly, ‘I choose death and honour.’
Cruel laughter erupted from behind Jin’s mask, and Tomohisa felt the larger man’s fingers in his hair once more. He grunted in pain as his neck was twisted towards the ground, and Jin’s knee connected with his stomach, causing him to lose his footing and stumble. He screamed as Jin chose that moment to yank his arm upwards, the topknot still grasped between his fingers.
‘Honour?’ Jin spat, ‘I saw you cowering in the mud like a dog! You’ve relinquished your right to an honourable death!’ Tomohisa squeezed his eyes shut, as a sickening concoction of emotions clashed in his belly. ‘I’ll have you screaming and begging for me to end you,’ Jin growled, reaching down and dragging Tomohisa back to his feet, ‘now where’s the honour in that?’
‘I’m a warrior, Jin!’ he tried to protest, but his voice was weak. For Tomohisa was a warrior only in name and breeding, having never been to war and never faced his own mortality. He realised then, with undeniable clarity that he wasn’t ready to die. But it was too late as Jin was moving again, twisting him around and forcing a knife against his throat. ‘No,’ he gasped, his fingers finding Jin’s and clinging to them, as his mind raced to find a reason for his supposed-friend to spare his life.
‘No?’ Jin whispered mockingly, and although Tomohisa couldn’t see him he was certain that the man would be wearing a sadistic and somewhat victorious grin, ‘I thought a warrior died with silence and dignity?’
Tomohisa couldn’t respond, other than to shake his head. The sound of his own heart now deafening as he waited for Jin to act.
‘I’ll ask you one more time,’ Jin whispered, his voice gentle now, ‘swear yourself to me, and I’ll do what I can to protect you.’ The screams of the villagers were dying down, telling both of them that the massacre was almost over. Jin shook him and increased the pressure of the blade slightly, ‘swear it, Pi!’
‘I swear!’ Tomohisa sobbed, no longer able to conceal his shame and fear.
‘What do you swear?’ Jin prompted him to say more but Tomohisa could not, as the impossibility of the situation, paired with his own injuries and humiliation took away his voice and replaced it with the barely restrained cries of a man who knows that he has lost everything.
~*~*~*~
Tomohisa had only ever known one person to cry after lovemaking. She’d been too young, he’d deducted afterwards, too impressionable and too caught up in her own fantastical views of what the temporary physical bond between man and woman could mean. He’d apologized when it was over, and sent her on her way. Guilt overtook him for a short while, but he was quickly able to eradicate it: he hadn’t forced her after all.
His first sexual encounter had occurred just after he’d turned thirteen. Like many of the village boys he’d been too shy and unsure of himself to approach the giggling, unpredictable females that he’d been raised with, and so instead sought pleasure with his male peers. It was acceptable that boys should experiment in such a way, for it taught them the difference between love and sex. Love was an illusion, created by women to attach themselves to a protective husband. Sex was much simpler, equating only to physical pleasure and release. Tomohisa had heard stories of men becoming trapped by the sexual powers of women, and had been warned against falling for their charms. Sleeping with a boy, he’d learned, removed the risk of forming such a dangerous attachment. After all, it was not possible for a boy to find love with another boy.
Having learned these lessons, he’d prepared himself for the tricks that women might play, and by the age of fourteen he was indulging himself in both sexes. However, the incident with the crying girl had puzzled and confused him, and so he’d turned to his best friend for answers.
‘She must love you,’ Jin grinned, but the surprise on Tomohisa’s face quickly turned him serious, ‘I’d avoid her if I were you,’ he continued, ‘if you get her pregnant, there’ll be trouble!’
Tomohisa nodded, ‘thanks.’
Jin grinned, ‘no problem. Come on,’ he grabbed the practice poles, ‘let’s dual!’
Tomohisa laughed and caught it as his friend threw it, ‘sure...but prepare to lose!’
~*~*~*~
The scorched ground was now a carpet of corpses and rubble. Tomohisa tried not to gag, as he watched mysterious figures, wearing garments similar to Jin’s, set alight to the bodies of his friends and relatives. He caught his foot against the remains of an unrecognisable building and started to fall, caught at the last moment by Jin, who seized him by the collar and dragged him back upright.
‘Hey!’ A boy’s voice rang out. Tomohisa glanced around nervously, but Jin it seemed had spotted the speaker immediately. The youngsters dress was, of course, undistinguishable but Tomohisa noticed that he was shorter than both he and Jin in height. However, the boy’s defining feature, Tomohisa thought at that moment, was the katana sword that he was drawing from the sheath on his back as he moved towards them. ‘Orders say no prisoners. Why isn’t he dead?’
‘Because I want him alive,’ Jin answered coolly, and Tomohisa felt a swirl of unknown emotion in his gut.
‘We have to complete the mission,’ the boy replied stubbornly, gripping his sword tightly ‘now step aside!’
Jin laughed and moved to shield Tomohisa. ‘Your air tells me that you’re from one of the higher families...’ The boy, already still, seemed to become even more frozen. ‘The Matsumoto family perhaps? No? Tadayoshi?’ the boy offered no response, ‘ah, that leaves...Tegoshi!’
‘You are not to reveal the family names to outsiders!’ the boy cried furiously. ‘I should strike you both down!’
Jin laughed even louder at this, and Tomohisa was almost certain that he saw the Tegoshi boy bristle. ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you...Yuya,’ further silence from Tegoshi, ‘because it is you under that mask isn’t it? I’d know that childish babble anywhere.’
Tomohisa glanced around nervously, several other figures were approaching. Despite the hatred that he currently felt towards the traitor that had once been his best friend, he moved instinctively closer.
‘My identity is of no importance!’ Yuya snapped, ‘Kamenashi’s orders were that this village, and its people, be destroyed!’
‘I’m the heir to the Akanishi family, and your family answers to me.’ Jin’s voice rang out then, loud, dangerous and demanding the respect of all that bore witness. He stepped towards Yuya, ‘I serve my father and my family - as should you. I have completed my mission, and will accept payment from Kamenashi. But my loyalty does not lie with him or his clan.’ He stepped closer still, forcing the small boy to move back, ‘I have business with Yamashita here and will escort him back to our village.’
‘An outsider in the village? Akanishi...sir...you mustn’t...’ a bystander protested, ‘if he escapes...’
‘I will have him blindfolded,’ Jin held up his hand in reassurance, and Tomohisa felt a chill run down his spine, ‘he will see nothing for five days before we reach home...even if he should escape my care he’ll starve long before he finds another soul with which to share his little discovery...as you well know...’ he tilted his head to the bystander.
Jin had perfect control over his voice, speaking with certainty in a calming tone, but Tomohisa could feel the tenseness in the man’s body. He wondered what Jin would do, should one of his comrades choose to disobey his wishes. Would he fight to protect him? Tomohisa doubted that somehow.
‘Yuya,’ the bystander addressed the Tegoshi boy. ‘Apologize to Jin.’
Tomohisa felt the tension in Jin’s back decrease as the man exhaled.
‘Yes, father.’ Bitterness was evident in Yuya’s voice but he extended a bow and words of courtesy to Jin nonetheless.
~*~*~*~
It was the summer of his sixteenth year and Jin was guiding him by the hand. They were drunk on wine, stolen from the supply of a blind elder. Jin was whispering something but Tomohisa couldn’t make it out.
‘Where are we going?’ Tomohisa couldn’t help but giggle; the stories and childish adventures that he always shared with his best friend always thrilled him and he was certain that tonight would not offer an exception.
‘In there,’ Jin pointed to the home of one of the villagers, recently deceased.
Tomohisa tried to dig his heels into the ground, but Jin proved stronger and continued to pull him along. ‘We can’t!’ he hissed, ‘Jin...the spirits...’
Jin turned suddenly and pulled him closer, ‘you don’t still believe those stories, do you Pi?’ Tomohisa gulped as he felt his friends hot breath against his throat, ‘we’re not...children anymore...’ the unspoken suggestion hung between them. Tomohisa felt his pulse quicken.
He and Jin had never lain together, for something, some secret rule or agreement seemed to prevent it. Tomohisa bit his lip. Something about the prospect of giving himself to Jin frightened and excited him. It wasn’t a feeling that he was familiar with, which surprised him, as he considered himself quite experienced even at his young age.
‘Ok,’ he whispered the answer to a question that had not been spoken. And Jin smiled and kissed him, lacing their fingers together and pulling him into the house.
Once inside Tomohisa was shocked by Jin’s actions, as the boy lowered him onto the old futon that covered the ground and continued to kiss him. Starting with his lips, he moved onto his face and neck before gently unfastening his robes and worshipping Tomohisa’s upper body with his lips. Tomohisa moaned at the delicious sensations, confused by the affectionate behaviour but too absorbed in his own bliss to question it. For never before had someone taken the time to offer him this sort of pleasure; it was too personal, too intimate. He too, was used to offering only the basics, the necessary and hurried stimulation that resulted in release.
Slipping his hands under Jin’s robes he ran them over the boy’s smooth chest. Jin’s eyes were on him, he could feel them, but suddenly he felt too shy to meet them. Choosing instead to press his lips against the most sensitive part of his partner’s torso and then continuing to mimic Jin’s actions by trailing his lips and tongue across his belly.
‘Pi...’ Jin whispered his name, causing him to glance up. He paused. Jin’s eyes were shining with emotion and Tomohisa suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to smother and protect him. Instead, he straddled him lightly and pressed their foreheads together before leaning in for another kiss. Something in the way that Jin returned that kiss, and the way that he moved his hands against Tomohisa’s back told him that Jin was waiting for him to take control. He drew back.
‘You’re sure?’ he asked, suddenly concerned about the discomfort he could cause his friend. Jin smiled and shrugged away the remainder of his clothing before setting to work on Tomohisa’s, pausing again to explore further with his hands and lips.
Never before had Tomohisa found himself so concerned with the comfort and pleasure of a lover. He moved carefully, slowly at first and concentrated on brushing his hands against the parts of Jin’s body that caused the boy to gasp and shudder, before wrapping his fingers around the area that was visibly demanding his attention.
Jin was filling his senses completely and that realisation alone brought him close. The boy in his arms was helpless; trusting him and yielding to him, his face a picture of emotion and pleasure. Tomohisa gasped, it was becoming impossible to hold back, and then Jin tightened his grip, crying out his release and bringing Tomohisa over the edge with him.
For several long moments neither of them moved as they each tried to regain control of their breathing. Tomohisa felt a prickle of nervousness, as he pondered on what to do next. The two of them had crossed a line in their level of intimacy that suggested something unspeakable. He felt Jin stir beneath him, and accepted that as a sign that his friend wanted him to move away. But as he went to do so he felt Jin’s arms circle him and pull him to his side.
‘Pi...’ the boy breathed as he shuffled closer. It was only then that Tomohisa noticed the glitter of tears running down his friends face.
‘Jin? What’s...’ he gasped, unable to disguise his alarm.
Jin shook his head and smiled sadly, leaned in to give Tomohisa one last kiss, and then closed his eyes.
Tomohisa frowned but resisted the temptation to shake Jin and demand an answer, choosing instead to reach for a blanket to cover them both. The answers could wait until morning, he thought sleepily as he snuggled in for warmth.
Several hours later he woke alone and shivering. Akanishi Jin was gone.
~*~*~*~