won't this girl ever shut up
so tonite i went to the chocolate bar with brent and jennifer. we had a good time. one of jennifer's co-workers was the dj and she played some really bad jams. so we dropped brent off after a bit of sharing time and jennifer and i headed home. on the way we started to get into a great conversation about our life experiences and what not. jennifer doesn't really talk a lot about things so i was a little surprised when she started the whole conversation. well i found out a lot about her i never knew before and i think our relationship will be forever changed for the better. earlier in the friendship i had felt like the odd man out at times because jennifer and lauren are really close to being the same person basically because lauren does whatever she thinks jennifer would do or she thinks jennifer would want her to do. i love lauren a lot but she has some serious self-esteem issues and i have tried to talk to her but have not been really successful. i felt i was my duty to talk to lauren about it for some reason and i still think i really should and i will. but last nite was an awesome nite. jennifer and i sat in front of my building in her car for 2 hrs just talking and getting to know deeper things about each other. she really is an amazing person and totally admire so many things about her. we realized that we truly have so much in common. and it's weird because we do have a lot in common yet we are quite different and that i think is why we have been able to get along. we really appreciate the unique soul we see in the other. i realized a lot of things that i was afraid to admit about myself and i am a step closer to getting something done about it. i really hope that i can take some real control over making things better for myself. which i think is odd for me to say rite now because i have been really happy lately. classes are good. can't say i hate any like i did last semester. my roommate is a god sent. she is so awesome and easy going it's amazing. i am so appreciative of her especially after the terrible roommates i had last semester. the hatred i had for them is completely gone cause now i don't think about them at all usually. i have started spending more time at home with my little brothers and i am enjoying every minute of it. we bake and play and act stupid and watch movies and have a great time. i am spending lots of time with alex and we are closer then we have ever been. it's so wonderful. i am getting along beautifully with my mom and dad too. it was cold today, very cold and i volunteered. had to walk there since i don't have a car but it wasn't that bad. my heart is erupting with cheer rite now and i can hardly contain it. thoughts are just flying through my head. sometimes boys can be such a high. i feel like i have 20 crushes rite now but it's only really four. and they are not crushes that can really hurt me because i feel so free of concern about it. there is no reason to be upset. i should take more risks and jennifer has kinda help me to realize this. though she has taken some parts of my life improvements into her own hands it's alrite. she only does it cause she cares and it hasn't hurt me yet. i only wish i could return the favor and help her as much as she has unknowingly helped me. it's so crazy how i a can't sleep i just got to much running around up there. i know i have grown a bit since i have come to college but i know i am growing more and more everyday. soon i won't even remember the silly old me. of course i will always be silly and very much the same person but some things will be forever changing. i hope it's all for the best and i feel it is rite now. i am setting new goals for myself which i am kinda worried about because the last goal i set (working out) didn't really go so well. i am gonna start being more open about some things. i am gonna start doing some crazy things. crazier then i have ever done. but not bad crazy. just things i am not used to doing. since the end of last school year i have in a way closed myself off from some important parts of me. the friendly and outgoing me i once was has largely been concealed. i know it's still there and i want it to resurface. i have shut down some of my caring and giving cells as well and i feel they must be re opened. it was much easier to genuinely love people when i was surrounded by you all who i truly do care a lot for. now that i am surround by kids that are so unlike me it's tough. i am rambling on and on but it only continues the happy thoughts. i'm inspired. can't wait till tomorrow so i can start a new day and enjoy every minute of it. i am sick got a incredibly sore throat, major stuffy nose, and a pounding headache as well but it can't ruin my mood. i am not sure anything can. i am mentally hugging every single one of you rite now because you kids mean so much to me. you are a great part of my life. i am missing you. take good care of yourselves cause you are worth it. tons of love to all of you.