(no subject)
Today I had an interesting moment of clarity which now explains to me some of my behavior. This behavior is that when faced when a physical threat, I not only wont back down, but become antagonistic against whatever agent has issued the threat.
The reason is fairly simple. For one, it is my belief that the core of human socialization is that there are means to gain what one wants without the use of violence. Specifically to the point that the use of violence puts one outside of normal society. There are a few exceptions, such as defense of one person, or ones family and offspring. But these are not social reasons, these are basic survival, i.e. instinctual animalistic actions. We see these as exceptions because without survival there is no society. Otherwise, all violence stems from one being an animal [which we all are first] that is unable to control their lower impulses. This person shows that they are not entirely human. This is quite evident as children must be taught to disengage in violent activities. They naturally try and take things when they want them with pain to some other person. We recognize that these individuals are not fully developed as others are given guardianship over them and they have restricted rights. They are not complete people as of yet.
Now onto the behavior manifestation: the act of stating physical violence against my person. First this shows the person who issued the threat to believe i am unable to control my impulses and will defer top their whims simply because they will hurt me otherwise. I feel a human being is able to control these impulses. Thus the individual has implied I am not funny human.
Although I am find with slights against my family, my personal honor, my appearance, habits, etc... I am unable to let someone believe I am not human. Thus I will not allow them to bully me in such a manner. I will then push them to the point of causing physical pain, in order to show them that I will still not relent. I am human. I can ignore the threat of pain. I can ignore the pain to a certain extent as well.
Also, once this threat has been made, I lose a measure of respect for the individual who issued it. They have decided that instead of a logical argument, they will use the fear of pain to make me succumb to their will. I must not see if they will either learn that the threat will not work, and thus use a different approach, or see if they actually aren't fully human.
Either way, I feel I cannot back down until this matter is resolved. I have been in a decent number of altercations. I know what it is like to both have the shit beat out of me, and to beat the shit out of someone else. I learned both the first real fight I was ever in. I was beaten quite badly and left laying on the ground. The wind was knocked out of me, and I have been truly bested. But he turned his back on me. And although he was bigger and stronger, he wasnt excepting me to get back up and jump him and go for broke. At that point I realized I had already lost, and nothing I could do would make things worse. As I was sitting atop him catching my breath, looking at the blood I had caused to run down his face, having trouble seeing because of my own blood in my eyes, I realized I had succumbed to something far too primal.
I didn't like it, but still it took me a few more incidents to fully control that impulse. I was a kid. It was hard. But i learned. And since then I've learned to let others strike and turn the other check. I'm not always successful, i'll admit I'm not the best person in the world. But I try.
The reason is fairly simple. For one, it is my belief that the core of human socialization is that there are means to gain what one wants without the use of violence. Specifically to the point that the use of violence puts one outside of normal society. There are a few exceptions, such as defense of one person, or ones family and offspring. But these are not social reasons, these are basic survival, i.e. instinctual animalistic actions. We see these as exceptions because without survival there is no society. Otherwise, all violence stems from one being an animal [which we all are first] that is unable to control their lower impulses. This person shows that they are not entirely human. This is quite evident as children must be taught to disengage in violent activities. They naturally try and take things when they want them with pain to some other person. We recognize that these individuals are not fully developed as others are given guardianship over them and they have restricted rights. They are not complete people as of yet.
Now onto the behavior manifestation: the act of stating physical violence against my person. First this shows the person who issued the threat to believe i am unable to control my impulses and will defer top their whims simply because they will hurt me otherwise. I feel a human being is able to control these impulses. Thus the individual has implied I am not funny human.
Although I am find with slights against my family, my personal honor, my appearance, habits, etc... I am unable to let someone believe I am not human. Thus I will not allow them to bully me in such a manner. I will then push them to the point of causing physical pain, in order to show them that I will still not relent. I am human. I can ignore the threat of pain. I can ignore the pain to a certain extent as well.
Also, once this threat has been made, I lose a measure of respect for the individual who issued it. They have decided that instead of a logical argument, they will use the fear of pain to make me succumb to their will. I must not see if they will either learn that the threat will not work, and thus use a different approach, or see if they actually aren't fully human.
Either way, I feel I cannot back down until this matter is resolved. I have been in a decent number of altercations. I know what it is like to both have the shit beat out of me, and to beat the shit out of someone else. I learned both the first real fight I was ever in. I was beaten quite badly and left laying on the ground. The wind was knocked out of me, and I have been truly bested. But he turned his back on me. And although he was bigger and stronger, he wasnt excepting me to get back up and jump him and go for broke. At that point I realized I had already lost, and nothing I could do would make things worse. As I was sitting atop him catching my breath, looking at the blood I had caused to run down his face, having trouble seeing because of my own blood in my eyes, I realized I had succumbed to something far too primal.
I didn't like it, but still it took me a few more incidents to fully control that impulse. I was a kid. It was hard. But i learned. And since then I've learned to let others strike and turn the other check. I'm not always successful, i'll admit I'm not the best person in the world. But I try.