(no subject)
So with all the thinking I've been doing lately Ive come to the conclusion that I need to put myself first, for once in my life. I need to be selfish and I need to not care what others think or say about me. I've decided to join weight watchers, and I did so on Tuesday night. I weighed in a 216, which isn't the highest I've been in my lifetime. I think I was clocking in at 223 once, but still for my height that isn't good. I know I don't look that weight and I thank god that I am well proportioned and I have big bones and am muscular haha. Im still not happy that I let myself get this high - and it is my fault utltimately, no one else's. Even if I do blame my parents for the way they raised me with eating habits, I have had control of whatever I put into my mouth since being 12.
This summer I plan to have fun. I plan to do things with friends and go out more often. I do care about Terence but I care about myself way too much to sit back and watch others have the time of their lives while they are young and not take any part in it. I'm 20 years old and a self proclaimed old lady. I know I wont be out until the wee hours of the morning all the time, if even once a month but I don't want to limit myself anymore. I've pushed friends away and I've dropped a music scene within the past few years and as stereotypical and gay the hardcore scene was at times, I loved it. I loved going to shows and I loved seeing faces every single week. My life is now consumed with working, my boyfriend, and my friends occasionally. It's not as fun as it used to be, and it needs to be.
I say I want my dad to be happy, and I want to be happy too. I want everyone around me to be happy and doing things that they love. I know work is stressful, and I know you have to work to relieve other stress in your life (bills) but to be able to smile every day, and know that you are happy is one of the greatest gifts ever. No one can give you happiness but yourself, and its time for me to work on that and build myself as a stronger person.
This summer I plan to have fun. I plan to do things with friends and go out more often. I do care about Terence but I care about myself way too much to sit back and watch others have the time of their lives while they are young and not take any part in it. I'm 20 years old and a self proclaimed old lady. I know I wont be out until the wee hours of the morning all the time, if even once a month but I don't want to limit myself anymore. I've pushed friends away and I've dropped a music scene within the past few years and as stereotypical and gay the hardcore scene was at times, I loved it. I loved going to shows and I loved seeing faces every single week. My life is now consumed with working, my boyfriend, and my friends occasionally. It's not as fun as it used to be, and it needs to be.
I say I want my dad to be happy, and I want to be happy too. I want everyone around me to be happy and doing things that they love. I know work is stressful, and I know you have to work to relieve other stress in your life (bills) but to be able to smile every day, and know that you are happy is one of the greatest gifts ever. No one can give you happiness but yourself, and its time for me to work on that and build myself as a stronger person.