Well I've got friends who (La la lie) help me pull through
I've always felt like this line describes our relationship perfectly. I don't really know how to feel about this entire situation. I hate that I wasn't more upset about the news but at the same time the fact that I felt anything at all was a miracle. I didn't even break down until a couple of hours after I heard. And I only really broke down when I knew you were going to be okay. I know I probably should have called you that day, because I'm sure you were expecting it. But I'm not strong enough to do that myself. We tried to call today, but they said you were in recovery. We were gonna call again and it just never really happened. I hate that its such a chore for us to call you. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. But it is. I feel like no one, not even Mike really understands how I'm feeling about this. But he is definitly the one who understands the most. I'm angry, upset, and annoyed that this is the only reason I have the need to call you. And this is the only reason you'll answer our calls. I'm annoyed with your parents for not even mentioning it to us. Honestly, if I was in an accident you probably would have been called. Despite the fact I haven't talked to you in over 8 months. Despite the fact that we have our differences, and I would hope that it was painful for you to hear that I was hurt. But I'm honestly not even sure. How is it that we barely know each other anymore? Do you even know that I live with Mike? Do you even know my 3 roommates names? You could tell me 5 friends I have from school. I couldn't tell you anythign about your school life. I don't know any of your friends, or roommates. I don't even know if you were planning on living on or off campus thisyear. I have no idea how you're doing in school, if you have a boyfriend, what your plans are after you graduate. Are you graduating? There are just so many things we don't know about each other anymore. And on the other hand, Mike knows so much about me, my friends from school, school in general, my family, work, and just everything. Honestly, if someone told me when we were seniors in high school that you and I weren't gonna be close anymore and Mike would be my summer roommate, I'd have told them they were crazy. But Mike and I udnerstand each other. We both have our flaws, but we accept each other for who we are. Yes I've changed for him and I'm sure he's changed for me. But we're still friends. And if we don't wanna change for each other we don't have to. There isn't that pressure. Yes I'll drink, but I won't drink myself into blackout stage. And I can still say no. I don't need that escape like you do. And its sad that you need that escape at 21 years old. I don't know why you crashed you car that night, but I hope it gives you a wake up call. Maybe we can start over. I'll still be bitter. I might not always want to hang out or return phone calls or texts, but we could both make more of an effort. Again, it just sucks that this is the reason I have to call you. Because you're in the ICU, because you have a collapsed lung. But you haven't even told me this yourself. I want to be stubborn and make you tell me. But I'm going to be the bigger person here. I'll call. And I'll tell you I'm worried about you. Which I think I am. There are 3 reasons I've felt like shit all day. a) slightlyyy hungover b) too much cheese and greasy food c) I'm worried about you more than I want to admit. But I'm still angry. I have such mixed feelings about this entire situation. We'll call again tomorrow and I want you to pick up. And feel bad when we tell you we're together and calling you and just checking up on you. I want you to feel guilty. I want you to realize you fucked up in more ways than one. I may be a sarcastic person. And I can absolutely be a bitch. But I am one of the most loyal and kind person you'll ever meet. If a friend needs me, I'll be there if I can physically do it.