But I know we can't all stay here forever, So I want to write my words on the face of today. . .
It's almost 3 in the morning and, as usual, I can't sleep. I guess the truth is that I'm just realizing how serious all this is with Tori, I guess it's just hitting me now. I broke down for the first time tonight...in front of my parents. I mean, I know she'll get better and be okay, it's just everything she has to go through to get there is breaking my heart. I was reading the side effects of all the medication she's on and I dunno. It's just a lot harder than I thought and I just broke down. My parents tried talking to me, I'm not sure it really worked. I'm just so worried about her. I don't want her to have to go through all of this, and she has to do chemo for a year. She's going to lose her beautiful hair and it just gets me so upset. She shouldn't have to go through all of this. It's driving me crazy, there's really nothing I can do, I can't make it all go away. It's just so hard. I don't know. It's been a rough night I guess.
All I really can do is just be strong for her, which I'm trying to do. I've gotten so much support from everyone and I love you all and thank you.
Let's see if I can talk about something a little less depressing though, cuz I really can't think about this right now...
Keri and I were talking about how we're both turning 18 soon. We were talking about tattoos and piercings and stuff like that. I was looking shit up, and I fell in love with this tattoo, and I've decided that it's the one I'm going to get.
If you wanna see it just click on this site:
http://www.edgetattoo.net/pawtucket/joesimages/Shooting-Stars_Hip.jpg
Tell me what you think. I'm in love with it, so if u dont like it, it doesnt matter. lol
I still can't get over the fact that I'm incredibly nervous for when Andrew comes home this week. I've never been nervous about a guy before, I'm not shy at all. It's just so weird how much I actually like this kid. I'm nervous about what I'm going to wear, I'm scared I'm going to say something stupid, or he won't think I'm pretty or just not like me in general. I don't know, I'm freakin out. I hope things go smooth. His first impression of me wasn't all that appealing. haha New year's I don't even remember anything. I guess we were smoking together and he was like, 'I love weed' and I grabbed his hand and was just like 'I love YOU' and then we both started laughing. Yeah, wicked sweet. haha I've totally learned how to pick guys up. hahaha Maybe that's why I'm so nervous, cuz my first impression on him was so bad. I just hope that he likes me for me and doesn't decide that I'm some crazy chic or decide that he doesn't like me and that I'm not his type or anything. I'm so fucking nervoussssss.
Alright, well I guess I'm gonna go find something else to keep me busy since I can't sleep. I'll update later.
Peace outtttt
All I really can do is just be strong for her, which I'm trying to do. I've gotten so much support from everyone and I love you all and thank you.
Let's see if I can talk about something a little less depressing though, cuz I really can't think about this right now...
Keri and I were talking about how we're both turning 18 soon. We were talking about tattoos and piercings and stuff like that. I was looking shit up, and I fell in love with this tattoo, and I've decided that it's the one I'm going to get.
If you wanna see it just click on this site:
http://www.edgetattoo.net/pawtucket/joesimages/Shooting-Stars_Hip.jpg
Tell me what you think. I'm in love with it, so if u dont like it, it doesnt matter. lol
I still can't get over the fact that I'm incredibly nervous for when Andrew comes home this week. I've never been nervous about a guy before, I'm not shy at all. It's just so weird how much I actually like this kid. I'm nervous about what I'm going to wear, I'm scared I'm going to say something stupid, or he won't think I'm pretty or just not like me in general. I don't know, I'm freakin out. I hope things go smooth. His first impression of me wasn't all that appealing. haha New year's I don't even remember anything. I guess we were smoking together and he was like, 'I love weed' and I grabbed his hand and was just like 'I love YOU' and then we both started laughing. Yeah, wicked sweet. haha I've totally learned how to pick guys up. hahaha Maybe that's why I'm so nervous, cuz my first impression on him was so bad. I just hope that he likes me for me and doesn't decide that I'm some crazy chic or decide that he doesn't like me and that I'm not his type or anything. I'm so fucking nervoussssss.
Alright, well I guess I'm gonna go find something else to keep me busy since I can't sleep. I'll update later.
Peace outtttt