Hollywood: Sucking Like It's 2005
I regret to report that, in addition to greenlighting Hollow Man 2 and I Know What You Did Last Summer 3, Hollywood has decided it would be a good idea to remake 1987's Summer School.
For those of you youngsters who are unable to (or unwilling to) process what this latter venture could entail, Summer School was not only a shitty '80's comedy, it was a bland and unmemorably shitty '80's comedy. It starred Mark Harmon, a second-rate Don Johnson (which is the equivalent of being a fourth-rate amoeba) as a reluctant summer school teacher who presides over a wacky cast of teen types and tries to fuck Kirstie Alley back when she was still sort of hot. The only aspect of the movie that anyone really seems to remember were Chainsaw and Dave, two of the student characters, who were basically the iconographic "stoner surfer dudes" that fell between Jeff Spicoli and Bill & Ted. Not the stuff of classic cinema.
People wonder why I don't go to the movies anymore (I used to go religiously), not even to see the ones that I sorta wanted to see like Cinderella Man or Sin City. One of the reasons is because these days, whenever I pass a movie theater I feel the icy force field of the Hollow Man 2s and the Porky's: The New Generations and the Herbie: Fully Loadeds shutting me out, taunting me with it's craptastic declaration that no matter what room I head for in that building I will somehow be supporting this idiot-zone fanfare drivel. I dunno, I can't explain the feeling exactly. These godawful remake/sequel/rehash cowpiles have just chased me away from Tinseltown.
That, and Tom Cruise kinda scares the shit out of me.