The Gray Matter
It's funny how the people you saw as "close friends" don't turn out as "real friends".
At first you're shy. You are introduced to them by your boyfriend. They appear friendly. Very welcoming. You're still shy though, because you're not sure how they are. Being someone that finds it difficult to trust another, you kind of observe them, see how they work-- how they talk to each other, how they treat each other, how they react to jokes, even how they eat. They seem harmless and trustworthy. They're a good bunch! Eventually, you become part of the group and feel at home. Sometimes, though, you feel that they only treat you that way because you're the girlfriend of their friend. But, your boyfriend insists that they are your friends, too and not just his girlfriend. You are their friend.
You try and see it that way. Turns out, he is right. We're a bunch of friends! Heck, they treat you like one of the boys. It's a rare moment that they treat you a girly-girl. You always have a good time together whether you are eating, watching movies, driving, grocery shopping, cooking. You share stories, ideas, thoughts. Even secrets! You're finally convinced you have some sort of connection with each and every single one of them. You look up to them. You treat them as your closest friends (actually, your only friends. You don't have many friends). You see them as your buddies, like your brothers. You're all family.
Then your calls become unanswered. When they do answer the call, they sound disappointed it's you. They don't know what to say. They don't really want to talk to you. They end up selling you tickets. When really, you just wanted to say, "hi! I miss you, friend!" You ask a few questions and they don't answer-- and when they do answer, it's so obvious they're making it up. When you came over for a visit, you try to hug your "friend": he was so uncomfortable to hug you back (I missed you, damn it!) and sort of gives you a pat on the back, instead. They don't tell you good news. Even worse, they don't inform you of the bad ones! And that's when it really hurts. That's where it kind of hits you: you are just an ex-girlfriend.
To this day, you still think about those friends. You miss them. You still talk about them and tell stories to them to your other friends. Then, they ask you how those friends of yours are doing. You don't have an answer. You just sit there, wondering, yourself. Then, you remember, if one those "friends" were listening, you'll just be embarrassed. Because really, you were just the girlfriend. Oh, I mean, an ex-girlfriend.
At first you're shy. You are introduced to them by your boyfriend. They appear friendly. Very welcoming. You're still shy though, because you're not sure how they are. Being someone that finds it difficult to trust another, you kind of observe them, see how they work-- how they talk to each other, how they treat each other, how they react to jokes, even how they eat. They seem harmless and trustworthy. They're a good bunch! Eventually, you become part of the group and feel at home. Sometimes, though, you feel that they only treat you that way because you're the girlfriend of their friend. But, your boyfriend insists that they are your friends, too and not just his girlfriend. You are their friend.
You try and see it that way. Turns out, he is right. We're a bunch of friends! Heck, they treat you like one of the boys. It's a rare moment that they treat you a girly-girl. You always have a good time together whether you are eating, watching movies, driving, grocery shopping, cooking. You share stories, ideas, thoughts. Even secrets! You're finally convinced you have some sort of connection with each and every single one of them. You look up to them. You treat them as your closest friends (actually, your only friends. You don't have many friends). You see them as your buddies, like your brothers. You're all family.
Then your calls become unanswered. When they do answer the call, they sound disappointed it's you. They don't know what to say. They don't really want to talk to you. They end up selling you tickets. When really, you just wanted to say, "hi! I miss you, friend!" You ask a few questions and they don't answer-- and when they do answer, it's so obvious they're making it up. When you came over for a visit, you try to hug your "friend": he was so uncomfortable to hug you back (I missed you, damn it!) and sort of gives you a pat on the back, instead. They don't tell you good news. Even worse, they don't inform you of the bad ones! And that's when it really hurts. That's where it kind of hits you: you are just an ex-girlfriend.
To this day, you still think about those friends. You miss them. You still talk about them and tell stories to them to your other friends. Then, they ask you how those friends of yours are doing. You don't have an answer. You just sit there, wondering, yourself. Then, you remember, if one those "friends" were listening, you'll just be embarrassed. Because really, you were just the girlfriend. Oh, I mean, an ex-girlfriend.