New Fic: Lonely Ghosts 4/5
212-555-8743: Hey, here whenever you are.
212-555-3129: Beat you to it. Im loitering outside Nathans.
212-555-8743: K, five minutes.
**
Billy left the station and jogged toward Nathan’s, jacket slung over one arm. April was a tricky time for New York-some days were still fairly chilly while others were decidedly spring-like. Today was one of the nicer ones, with a blazing sun overhead and blue skies as far as he could see.
The nice weather had drawn a crowd. A trio of kids darted around Billy, laughing and clutching primary-colored balloons. A mother paused to lower the sun visor on a massive black stroller. A boy and a girl were making out in a shady corner, tucked against a steel girder, hands moving restlessly. Billy caught himself watching them wistfully for a few moments, trying to picture Teddy wanting to do that with him. Just…tugging him back into some corner somewhere, hands sliding into his back pockets, curving around his ass.
He sighed, then realized he was standing there watching them go at it like some kind of creeper. Billy scampered off before either could notice, flushing darkly.
He spotted Teddy leaning against a wall across from Nathan’s, people-watching. Billy slid in next to him, lightly bumping their shoulders. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Teddy said, sounding subdued. He looked tired, a little drawn, but he broke into a crooked grin when he looked over at Billy. “You look pretty good for a recently freed man.”
Billy made a face at him. “Shut up, she cut it too short. I told her not to.”
“Scout’s honor, I wasn’t making a crack about your haircut. Though now that you brought it up, how’s the shrimp business been treating you, Forrest?” Teddy ducked away when Billy took a halfhearted swing at him. “Okay, I promise. My lips are sealed.”
Billy smoothed his fingers through his hair-which was not that bad. “Jerk. You owe me a corndog.”
“That’s a pretty steep price for such a lame insult.”
“And fries. My pride requires grease to soothe its wounds.”
Teddy laughed, sliding an arm over Billy’s shoulders and tugging him toward Nathan’s. “Okay, fine. One apology corndog and fries coming up. Do you want-” He looked down as he spoke, cutting off suddenly when he met Billy’s eyes.
Billy felt himself flush. His entire body had begun to thrum the second Teddy touched him, pleasure coiling low and aching-hot through his blood.
Teddy smoothly dropped his arm. “Coke? Slushie?”
“Um, Coke.” Billy glanced away, feeling like an idiot, heart still pounding just a little too fast. From one touch. “I can always do Coke.”
“And a new advertising slogan is born.” Teddy wasn’t looking at him, though. He pretended to check out the menu, but Billy could tell-he could just tell-that Teddy was deliberately trying to avoid his eyes.
Billy stared down at the ground, scuffing his sneaker against the concrete as he waited. When Teddy handed him his food, he mumbled his thanks.
“Do you want to find a place to sit, or should we try walking and eating?”
“There’s a place I know a bit down the boardwalk,” Billy suggested. “We could go see if it’s free?”
Teddy lifted his pop in agreement. “Lead the way. I’ll try to bodycheck any adventurous seagulls who take a dive for the fries.”
They fell into step, walking down the boardwalk at an easy stroll. There were plenty of people passing them by, but the farther they went, the less crowded it got. In the summer, the whole place would be swarming, but now…
Billy sighed and tipped back his head, closing his eyes as he walked. The breeze ruffled his (too-short) hair, smelling of salt and hot dogs and engine grease. The whole world seemed more peaceful, somehow, distilled down to the tred of their heels against wood, the cry of the gulls, the distant chug-chug-chug¬ of the roller coasters.
“I love being here,” Billy murmured, opening his eyes again almost dreamily. “I have ever since I was a kid. Dad used to bring us-me and Andy and David-and give us quarters for the arcades. We’d get slushies, and I was always bummed that my rainbow one turned into a grey sludge at the end.”
Teddy lightly bumped his shoulder, and when Billy looked up, his eyes were warm enough to make his toes curl. I love you, he wanted to say. I love being here with you.
He quickly shoved his straw into his mouth and took a drag of Coke.
“Mom always wanted to spend a day down here when I was little,” Teddy admitted, following Billy as he veered toward the right, leading him back from the boardwalk. The crowd had seriously thinned out now that they were away from Nathan’s and the rides, and Billy’s old, familiar bench was waiting-shaded from the sun by a slotted wood roof, just far enough from the boardwalk to give the illusion of privacy. They sat, turned toward each other on the bench, and began to dig into their lunch. “We’d make plans every summer to go really early in the morning and spend the whole day, but we only made it… Jeez, once, I think.”
Billy took a bite of his corn dog. “Why only once?”
Teddy made a face, picking through the fries. “Single mother, no child support coming in, yadda yadda.” He always said personal stuff like that-like it wasn’t important. Billy glanced up through his lashes, studying Teddy’s face as they ate. He definitely looked tired and, maybe, a little…upset?
Billy swallowed and wiped his fingers on a napkin, casting around for what to say next. Teddy didn’t talk a lot about his family. Billy still didn’t know whether his dad had walked or died. “What does your mom do, anyway?” he asked as casually as possible.
Teddy actually hesitated a moment, then shrugged a shoulder. “She’s a real estate agent. She works day and night in this shitty little office in Dyker Heights, showing people around to apartments at all hours and dealing with asshole landlords. So I guess it’s no shock she never had time to hang with me when I was growing up. Sorry,” he added quickly, making a face. “Wow, cue the sadsack music.”
“No,” Billy countered quickly, wishing Teddy would just keep talking. That was one of the most interesting things about Teddy. He was so handsome and so friendly and so easy to like that it took you a few weeks, months, to realize…you really didn’t know a thing about him. Billy loved the feeling of peeling back those perfect, glossy, funny layers and seeing deeper inside. Like…like Teddy was some kind of excavation site, secrets hidden like precious artifacts. He just got so few chances to do it. “No, it’s okay, go on.”
“Seriously. You don’t want to hear it. That corn dog is hardly payment enough. Why are corn dogs so delicious, anyway?”
“Teddy, come on, please?” It felt like he was taking a gamble, pushing too hard, but… He wanted to know more. Teddy kept so much of himself locked away, only revealing bits and pieces, and Billy was tired of seeing just parts of the picture. He couldn’t help but think that if he could only get Teddy to open up to him, then… What? Teddy would fall into his arms? Realize he could share everything with Billy and want to be with him?
Maybe. He felt shitty for thinking he might have ulterior motives, but…maybe.
Teddy was starting to smile, clearly about to gently, easily turn the conversation away. “Please,” Billy said again, throwing everything he was behind it, “I want you to tell me what you’re thinking.”
The words came out…weird. Heavy on his tongue as if dragged out of his body. Billy bit his lip, but Teddy was already talking, giving in just like that.
Like magic or something.
“I get pissed when I think about it,” Teddy said. “I don’t even know who I’m mad at half the time. My dad for dying, the world in general, Mom for not admitting when things are hard, or me for making them even harder. It’s better now,” he added. “She’s one of the top agents in her area, and the place she’s working for now pays better and gives better, you know, benefits and stuff. Back when I was in middle school-”
He cut himself off, focusing on finishing up his food, but Billy could see the struggle on his face. Like he didn’t want to keep talking but felt compelled to go on. Billy let him be, picking at his own food, no longer even a little hungry. He finally balled it all up and stuffed it back in the bag at their feet. He couldn’t help stealing glances at Teddy.
Teddy was looking out across the water, drinking his Sprite, gaze very far away. The red letterman jacket he wore (for basketball, Billy thought, though he used to assume football) and jeans and green sneakers with their crazy whorls of ink and the piercings climbing up the shell of Teddy’s ear…all of that made such a striking image. A perfect, carefully constructed projection that Billy couldn’t be content with.
He reached out and very gently laid his hand over Teddy’s wrist, curling his fingers against warm skin. Teddy gave a little start, like he’d forgotten Billy was there, then glanced at him. His eyes were wet.
“Teddy,” Billy breathed, grip tightening.
“It’s stupid. This is stupid.” Teddy set aside his drink and wiped at his eyes with the cuff of his jacket, laughing a little. “I can’t believe I’m crying over something that old. I was in sixth grade-you’d think it all wouldn’t bother me anymore.”
Billy just squeezed Teddy’s wrist, not saying anything.
Teddy roughly shrugged a shoulder, looking away again, then back, then away, like he wanted to be facing toward Billy but didn’t trust himself to keep it together. “Really, it’s just- So dumb to be getting upset over ancient history. I don’t know why I feel so…so fucking compelled to tell you all this.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” Teddy reached up to brush his thumb over Billy’s knuckles, so fast he could have missed it. A strange, quick, thrilling caress.
Then he sighed, shoulders curving forward.
“Mom was working at this crazy office back then. The pay was…I don’t even know what it was, I was just a kid. And the benefits were just shitty. It was all just shitty. I was having some problems. Going from fifth to sixth grade was tough for me. I was this… I didn’t have any friends, and we’d just moved so I was in a new place, and I was just this stupid, scrawny kid. They didn’t even bother to make fun of me at my new school, and for some reason, that got to me. At least in my old school, I got teased for being a twerp, and a few kids liked me enough to eat lunch with me. But here-we came in mid-year, and it was like I didn’t even exist. It was like I just walked through the halls and they saw right through me. And I was just- It was awful. It was just awful. There were days when I didn’t say a word from 7 a.m. until my mom got home at 8 p.m. Not a single word. And it was, I guess, I mean, I felt so… Lost, I guess. Anyway, I was having a rough time with that, so finally Mom had me go to see someone.”
Teddy leaned over, elbows on his knees, shoulders hunched a little with the memory of that misery. Billy wished he could say he knew the feeling, but the truth was, he didn’t. He’d never been invisible-he’d always had the opposite problem. He’d always drawn too much attention, all his life.
But the picture of Teddy as a little, gawky sixth grader, silent from sunrise to sunset because no one even bothered to acknowledge he was there… He drew in a shaky breath, feeling his own eyes burn a little in empathy.
“It was actually really helpful, going to talk to the therapist. I am seriously 100% behind therapy. Things…changed and I started hanging out with Greg and the others and it was like everything came into focus again. Anyway. Time went on and it was much better, for me. Mom tried to hide how stressed out she was getting, and I was okay with letting her. I mean, I just didn’t get it. When you’re that age, you don’t get these things. Until one night I got up to get a glass of water and I realized she’d fallen asleep at the kitchen table again. It was pretty late, and she’d been working crazy hours. I thought things were just going that good; I didn’t know any better. There was a checkbook on the table, and bills, and a few collection notices, and bank statements, and all this…”
Teddy gestured, as if to encapsulate the huge, grown-up world he’d probably never considered-that Billy didn’t really think a lot about even now, if he were honest with himself. “The bills were for my therapy sessions. Our benefits barely covered a quarter of them, and I’d been going for weeks and weeks, just, God, talking about Transformers and soccer and the Mets and how much I hated living where we did. It helped to talk to someone, but I had no idea how much it was costing. How much I was costing my mom, and not just literally, with expenses, but. It was like, standing there seeing her like that, all I could think was if it weren’t for me, life would be so different for her. Maybe not perfect, but not as hard. I was making it harder for her, and she never once let it show. Fuck, and she’s started talking more about saving for college, and her hours have gotten crazy again, and I just know she’s been doubling up on hours so she can save money for me. Last night she came home really late, dead tired, and it was like it was all happening again. And. And I don’t even know how to ask her to stop. I don’t know how to tell her screw college-I’d rather she just came home so I could see her. And. Just. Grah.”
He pushed back, waving his hands like he could blow all the words away. “Why are you letting me cry all over your shoulder?” Teddy demanded, rubbing at his face. “God. I could have just stuck with we didn’t have a lot of time to come down to the shore and have left well enough alone. I don’t know how you got me to talk about all that.”
“No,” Billy said, turned fully toward him to memorize Teddy’s face. There were a few tears still trapped on Teddy’s long lashes and his eyes were rimmed in red. He’d never looked more beautiful. “No, I mean, I wanted to hear it, I- Thank you. For sharing? You don’t share a lot.”
Teddy cast him a wry look. “Well. Can you blame me if I’m going to blubber all over the place every time?”
He was trying to lighten the mood. He was trying to step them back from the ledge they’d inched toward.
Billy didn’t want to step back.
“Fuck that,” Billy said, very clearly. He caught Teddy’s face between his hands, turning it toward him, leaning in to press their mouths together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if he’d been kissing Teddy for years. He tilted his head, lips moving softly across Teddy’s, then again, feeling the shape of Teddy’s mouth, the warm, surprised gust of air that escaped his lips.
Teddy reached up to catch Billy’s wrists…then dropped his hands, eyes sliding shut. Billy slowly deepened the kiss, tongue brushing along the curve of Teddy’s lower lip. When Teddy made a soft noise, he licked inside, hands sliding up to dig his fingers into soft blond hair.
The taste of him… Okay, well, he tasted like Nathan’s fries and Sprite, but under that, it was pure Teddy, already familiar somehow, already necessary. Billy shivered and sank deeper into the kiss, stroking their tongues together. He pressed in, tempted to just…crawl into Teddy’s lap and straddle his hips so he could feel his body hot and responsive under his own. Billy actually shifted to do it, half-lifting off of the bench when Teddy’s hands closed around his wrists again.
Teddy carefully turned his face away. “Billy,” he said, voice soft and full of so much apology and regret that it was like being kicked in the face. Billy hissed in a breath, sitting down hard, and let his hands be tugged down between them. Teddy seemed to be having a hard time looking at him, cheeks flushed red, lips wet. “Billy…damn it.”
“I’m sorry,” Billy said quickly, horrified. He tried to pull back, but Teddy’s grip on him tightened, holding him still.
“No,” Teddy said, finally meeting his eyes. “No, no, God, no, just… This is my fault. I’m sorry. For the pool, for, um. For leading you on.”
“Oh.”
“You’re one of my best friends, Billy. And I’m just- I can’t believe I fucked up so badly, but there’s… Things are just…” Teddy let go of Billy to drag his fingers through his hair. “God, it would help if I could actually talk.”
He felt…he wasn’t sure how he felt. Numb, at the moment, but it was the kind of numb that promised pain to come. “You’re just not interested in me like that.”
Teddy cast him a quick glance, looking as miserable as Billy knew he’d feel, later. Once it sank in that yeah, this was a rejection. This was Teddy telling him that everything he’d been wishing for over the last handful of months wasn’t going to happen. Despite how close they were getting. Despite the way Teddy touched him, or drew close to him, or…
Or kissed him.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Teddy said quietly. “It’s just… It’s complicated. It’s confused. I’m confused. And I don’t think we should…go there. What happened at the pool-I didn’t mean for that to happen. And the thing is, I like you, Billy, I really like you, and I want us to be friends. I haven’t been lying to you; you have no idea how much you mean to me. But there’s- It’s not as simple as-”
“Greg?” Billy asked quietly, hating to even say the name.
Teddy made a frustrated noise. “It’s complicated,” he said. It wasn’t an answer, but it was enough of one, Billy decided. It was enough of one for now.
“Like Facebook.” The joke hadn’t been funny the first time he’d used it, and it still wasn’t funny, but he had to say something. He had to find a way to end this horrible, horrible conversation, because the numb was beginning to fall away and the pain was coming swift on its heels. “Look, I… Um. I think it’s better if I go home now? We’ll hang out again soon,” he added quickly, when Teddy opened his mouth. “I’m not…mad. I just. You know. Need to not be looking at your face right now.”
Teddy rubbed the back of his neck, looking miserable and guilty and anxious all at once. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, I don’t blame you. Okay. You’ll…?”
“Call you, yeah,” Billy said, standing. He could still taste Teddy on his tongue. He had to curl his fingers up into fists to hide the shaking. “I’ll call you.”
“Billy. I’m so sor-”
Billy took a jerky step back. “Don’t,” he said, a little sharper than he’d intended. Then, quieter, “We’re friends, right? What’s a little accidental making out between friends? Um. Let’s leave this here, okay? And just. Not talk about it again, and… Um, bye.” He turned and raced away before either of them could say anything else.
As exits went, it wasn’t the smoothest, but Billy wasn’t sure he could stand there looking at Teddy any longer. Teddy, who got him like no one else did, who made him laugh, who was the sweetest person he’d ever known, who’d actually peeled back a little of that façade and let him take a peek inside…and who, apparently, liked him, but didn’t like him more than he liked Greg.
I’m never coming back here again, Billy thought bitterly, and he didn’t even care if it was melodramatic. At the moment, he meant every word of it.
**
212-555-3129: Hey Billy, it’s Teddy. I just- I’m sorry I’m calling, but can you just let me know that you made it home okay? You don’t have to talk to me right now if you don’t want to. Just let me know you’re okay.
**
212-555-3129: Hey, so. Sorry for calling again. You can kill me for this later, but I’m just, I really need to know that you made it home safely. So. Let me know.
**
212-555-3129: Seriously, Billy, come on. Call me back, or text me, or e-mail me, or send a letter by raven or whatever you want. I don’t care. Just let me know you made it home.
**
212-555-3129: Okay, Billy, now you’re just being an ass.
**
212-555-3129: Hey man, Jamie gave me your home phone number. If you don’t let me know that you’re alive and okay by tomorrow morning, I’m going to call your mom and ask her myself. Gosh, I hope that doesn’t end badly for you.
Teddy picked up on the second ring. “Oh, hey, look, you’re alive,” he said, voice utterly flat.
“God, what is wrong with you?” Billy demanded. It came out too loud, too harsh, and he shot a guilty look toward his door-it was getting pretty late. He hunched over and lowered his voice, practically hissing into the phone, “When someone doesn’t return your calls, it means they don’t want to talk to you.”
“Yeah, actually, we’ve been through that before. Remember?”
Billy winced at that, turning away from the desk. Okay, so, maybe he had an issue with avoidance. But still.
Teddy kept going. His voice was tight, laced with anger and something Billy didn’t recognize, something altogether new. “Look, you can be pissed at me. Fuck, I mean- I deserve for you to be pissed at me. I’m pissed at me. I screwed up, and I hurt you, and that’s-You’ve got to believe me, Billy, that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. I don’t think you get how big you are in my life. I don’t think you get how much- So, yeah, okay, give me the silent treatment. I get it. I earned it. But don’t go running off upset and not let me know you made home in one piece. I was worried, and I was starting to get scared, and that is a shitty thing to do to someone.”
Billy squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh my God, you’re such a dick.”
“Well, fine. Great. I’m a dick, then.”
“No,” Billy said, dragging in a breath, caught between something that felt weirdly like a sob, came out almost like a laugh. “I mean, yeah, but- Come on, Teddy, how am I supposed to convince myself you’re not worth all, all this,” he gestured as if Teddy were there to see, meaning his crumpled bed where he’d been crying earlier, the overturned bust of Thor he’d kicked moodily out of his way, his own stupidly aching…everything, “if you keep being wonderful?”
There was a long pause. “Um,” Teddy said.
“Yeah,” Billy retorted. “Don’t you feel like an ass now?”
“…yes? No? I can’t tell if you’re joking.”
Billy dropped his head against his knees. “Halfway. Look, um. So, hi. I’m alive. I made it home okay. I still just…really need to not see you or hear from you for a little while. Just. Give me a few days to be embarrassed, all right? And then we’ll, I don’t know, go hang out at that stupid ping pong place you’ve been dying to visit.”
“Hey, table tennis is awesome.”
Billy lightly beat his forehead against his knees. “Uh-huh,” he said. “So.”
“So… Billy. Fuck. I’m so s-” But Teddy cut himself off this time. “Right, okay, radio silence. I’ll, um, talk to you later sometime.”
“Yeah,” Billy murmured. “That works. Hey, Teddy?”
“Yeah?”
He turned his head, eyes still closed, cheek against his knees. “Good night.”
The shaky gust of breath made Billy’s heart twist. “Good night, Billy,” Teddy said, the words soft as a touch.
**
Avngerfan2119: It’s just, I’ve never been dumped before.
CaptnAmazing: Stupid Greg.
Avngerfan2119: Stupid Greg.
CaptnAmazing: Stupid Teddy.
Avngerfan2119: Well.
CaptnAmazing: Seriously?
Avngerfan2119: Well, I mean, but it’s Teddy.
CaptnAmazing:Wait, are we officially still in Denial or have we skipped to Bargaining? I can never keep up.
**
Billy made it a little over a week before he decided fuck the stages of grief and called Teddy. “Hey,” he said, thumbing through his Bio text, words and pictures blurring together into a wall of visual white noise. “So, do you want to hang out this weekend?”
“Name the time and place,” Teddy said immediately.
“Well, you always said you wanted to check out the mad Scrabble action at West 4.”
He could practically hear Teddy’s grin through the line. “Wow, Scrabble in the Village. We’re living dangerously. 11:00?”
“Sure, yeah.” He let his hand drop, staring down at the page-a gory, glossy insert of a dissected pig. “Um. See you then.”
Scrabble wasn’t so bad, even though Saturday dawned grey and overcast. But seeing Teddy sitting across from him, chatting with the elderly lady at the rickety table to his right as if he’d known her forever, open and friendly and courteous and amazing and, and…
It just sucked. It sucked seeing those dimples flash, knowing what it was like to brush his tongue over one, knowing he could never do that again. Knowing that when Teddy looked his way, he’d have to look down or things would go from almost sort-of okay to cataclysmically awkward in seconds.
It was sort of like opening Pandora’s Box, Billy mused, spelling out another pathetically weak word. Once it had been unlocked and all that truth came tumbling out, there was no easy way to slide it shut again.
Even the most innocuous moments became charged and miserable.
Like:
“Should we take up museum trolling again?” Teddy mused a few days later. They were sitting on a bench in Central Park, idly watching people jog by. “I’m pretty sure we’ve got five bazillion to go.”
“Um.”
The last museum they’d been to was the Museum of Sex. Billy wasn’t sure if his kneejerk reaction of no museums ever was because they reminded him that he wasn’t Teddy’s boyfriend or made him feel like he sort of was.
“I think I’m kind of museumed out for awhile, actually.”
Or:
“Oh come on,” Billy said, mashing the button with his palm fastfastfast that next weekend at the arcade, “why do you suck so hard at this?”
“You’re clearly cheating,” Teddy countered, bringing his hand down, raising it too high to be effective. Billy could have told him you had to be hummingbird light and fast, barely lifting your palm. Anything else just wasted time. “Cheating with your…your insane skill and clear superior ability, aw, crap.”
“Ha!” Billy crowed, turning toward him, laughing. “In your face, Altman.” Teddy just shoved at him playfully, and the feel of his hand against Billy’s bare arm was enough to make them pause. Billy looked away, feeling stupid, stomach doing anxious flips. “I’m going to get a pop,” he said, jerking his thumb, just as Teddy said, “Do you want something to drink?”
And:
“I can’t believe you told my mother we were interested in going to yoga with her,” Teddy complained the next weekend, digging through his dresser. “Now she’s convinced I’ve always secretly wanted to go-I was just too embarrassed to ask.”
“Aw, isn’t that going to suck for you?” Billy said, utterly merciless. He leaned back on his hands, idly watching as Teddy tossed his sneakers, dark sweat pants, and socks onto the bed. “At least it wasn’t pilates. This time. Though I’m pretty sure she did offer…”
Teddy turned on him, t-shirt clutched in one hand, pointing threateningly with the other. “Don’t you dare, Kaplan. I know where you live.”
“So scaaaaary.”
Teddy snorted, then sighed and dragged off his shirt. He tossed it toward the hamper, muscles moving, and Billy’s throat suddenly went dry, his entire body clenched up tight at the sight of all that skin. That bare chest, shoulders, arms.
He swallowed, eyes dragging up to meet Teddy’s, and Teddy’s cheeks were just as flushed as his.
“Anyway,” Billy said quickly, and Teddy turned away, struggling into his t-shirt fast, the awkwardness a palpable wall between them.
But worst of all:
“Hey,” Teddy said idly, tipping his head back toward the sun. The days were really beginning to warm up. “Do you want to go swimming? We could go to my friend’s…”
Billy looked at him. Teddy looked back.
“…Never mind.”
**
212-555-3129: Hey sorry, Im going to be almost an hour late. Mom called. She needs me to get the slow cooker going.
212-555-8743: No problem. Ill probably head down anyway and just wait in the park. Ive got a new book of crosswords.
212-555-3129: Did I ever mention I wanted to be just like you when I got old?
212-555-8743: Yeah, sorry, anyone who takes that much delight in a Monopoly tournament has no room to talk.
**
It turned out Teddy was barely late at all. “Hey,” Billy said, not looking up from his book. “What’s a 5-letter word for a kind of cavity?”
“The hell if I know,” Greg said.
Billy yelped and twisted on the bench. His whole body went tight and flushed with fight or flight, stomach sinking at the all-too-familiar smirk on Greg’s handsome face. He’d known more than his fair share of guys like Greg; he didn’t have to wonder what that look meant. Billy knew, knew instinctively.
Bad news for him.
“What are you doing here?” he said, trying to sound confrontational, but it just came out sounding weak. Billy began to scramble up but Greg snaked out an arm to grab him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him down again. “Get off me.”
“I don’t know how much time we’ve got,” Greg said, fingers twisting tighter. The firm pressure of his grip pulled Billy’s head down until he was halfway bent over, collar digging hard into the back of his neck. “So I want you to listen to me. I’ve let Teddy waste his time with you for the last few months because I had shit that needed doing, so it was okay if he blew off a few nights to go and do…whatever you two do together. But it’s going to be summer before long and I’m going to need you to go ahead and fuck off now. We’ve got plans for the summer and I don’t want him getting distracted.”
Billy reached up, trying to loosen Greg’s grip, gasping when he twisted tighter, making his collar constrict around his throat. Only for a moment, though, only enough to be a clear warning. Then he was letting go, letting Billy up. His dark brows arched innocently.
Billy straightened like a shot but didn’t stand-he didn’t dare stand, and the impotent fury that washed through him at his own cowardice was bitter in his throat. “Why are you telling me all this?” he demanded, not letting himself rub his neck. He didn’t want to give Greg the Asshole the satisfaction. “Tell Teddy if you guys are really that tight.”
How, Billy thought, glaring at the other boy. How the hell does someone like Teddy end up tangled with someone like this?
Greg was hot, true-a darker, slicker, even more All-American shadow of Teddy himself-but it had to be more than that. Way back when, Billy may have believed it was just about attraction, but that was before he knew Teddy, before he understood some of the secret coils and springs and cogs that made him tick. He refused to think it was so shallow an answer.
But he’d be damned if he knew the real one.
“Teddy’s been having a hard time of it lately,” Greg said smoothly. He leaned back and folded his hands over his stomach, watching Billy with a single cocked brow. “Anything I can do to make things easier on him, I’ll do.”
“Oh yeah,” Billy muttered. “You’re a real hero.”
“And you’re a real smartass. Did you know that?”
He knew he should keep his mouth shut. That’s what Greg expected him to do. That’s what a good half of him wanted to do. That’s probably what the Billy of a few months ago would have done. But even though he didn’t have the courage to really, actively defy Greg the Asshole, that didn’t stop him from drawling, “Yeah, I have it on good authority that I’ve got some sass in my frass.”
“Jesus, you’re a real piece of work. Look, I don’t want to kick your ass- No, fuck it, strike that. I definitely want to kick your ass. But I’m willing to take the easy way out if you are. Just back off with Teddy. Don’t call him, don’t see him, don’t text him, don’t fuck with him, and my guys and I don’t fuck with you. We’ll leave you alone.”
“And if I refuse we’ll, what, meet at the old lot at sundown and duke it out? Will it be a real Jets and Sharks showdown?” Billy jerked back as Greg reached for him, flushing darkly when the other boy just laughed and held up his hands. Enjoying this. Greg the Asshole was enjoying this, enjoying the power he had, enjoying the way he could make Billy flinch away. “How did you even know I was here, anyway?”
Greg settled back again. “I called Teddy,” he said. “When he said he had plans, I figured they had to be with you. All the other guys are coming out with me tonight. I just had to try a few of his haunts and bingo. He’s pretty easy to read once he gives you the key, don’t you think?”
Billy’s hands fisted.
“Come on. One last chance. Do you want to walk away with your face and your dignity intact, or do you want to challenge me on this? You’re not going to win, you know. If you think you can make some big play for him, you’re fucking delusional. Teddy’s been my friend ten times longer than he’s given two shits about you.”
“I don’t believe you,” Billy murmured, then louder, “No, you know what? I don’t believe you. I refuse to believe that you two are friends. Teddy’s better than that.”
Greg shot him a look. “Cute. But stupid. I’ve known Teddy before he was anything. I knew him back when he was just this little twerp too shy to speak to a shadow. Fuck, I made him into something, and I could unmake him just as easy. You think you’re the only one who knows anything about him? I’ve been able to give Teddy something he wants more than anything-something you can’t even come close to offering.”
“Oh yeah?”
Greg reached into his pocket and Billy winced, but he was just pulling out a cellphone. “Yeah. And the fact that you’re scrambling to figure out what I’m talking about means you don’t know shit about what makes him tick. So what’s it going to be?”
Billy squirmed. He really, really didn’t want someone like Greg the Asshole breathing down his neck. He already had enough trouble in his life running from thickheaded jackholes like Kesler. But really. There was no choice here. There was no question what his answer was going to be. He’d take whatever Greg had to offer, suffer whatever beatings and humiliations he had to. “Fuck off,” Billy said, tensing for the blow.
“Your call.” Greg flipped open his phone and pressed a number. His eyes locked with Billy’s as he lifted it to his ear, waiting patiently. “Hey Teddy,” he said after a few moments, voice changing subtly. Shifting into something approachable, something friendly. Charismatic as fuck. Billy’s brows shot up, but Greg just smirked at him. “So it looks like it’s just you and me tonight after all. Can you meet me at Luigi’s in an hour?”
Billy clenched his fists in his lap. He couldn’t help flashing back to all those times Teddy had slipped to the side to take a call-a call from Greg-his broad shoulders going tighter and tighter in palpable misery. He couldn’t help remembering the night they’d gone to the karaoke bar and Teddy had said no…and the play of pain and reckless mulishness on his face after as he downed his beer in one long, desperate pull. Billy had witnessed so many of these calls-it was surreal to be on the other end now, to hear all the subtle and not-so-subtle ways Greg beat Teddy into submission.
He wanted to reach out and grab the phone from the asshole’s hands. He wanted to stop this.
“Teddy,” Greg said, the tone of his voice subtly changing again. “Yeah, I get that you have plans. No. No. Okay, and? Jesus, don’t be such a dick. You spend the entire semester blowing me off-what am I supposed to think? Are you done with all that? Are you done with me? Yeah. Yeah, I bet you’re sorry.”
Greg rolled his eyes at Billy, almost like they were in this together.
“Uh-huh. Then prove it. Prove you give a shit. Come on, man, Luigi’s in an hour. It’s important. It won’t happen if you’re not there. You know it won’t.” He paused, then lowered his voice, going deeper, more intimate. “Teddy, please. You know we aren’t a team without you. You know I need you.” Another pause. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We’ll see. Look, I’ll call you right back. I’ve got to take care of something real quick.”
He closed his phone. Billy watched silently, stomach churning, emotions bubbling close to the surface. He wanted to say something sharp, cutting. Wanted to say that doesn’t prove anything or go to hell. Instead he just sat there, watching Greg, hating him, waiting for his own phone to ring.
Greg made a face. “He’s really twisting on the rack now,” he said. “It’s going to stay like this until one of us blinks, Dr. Ruth, and I sure as fuck am not going to step aside. So unless you like making the kid miserable, I’d suggest you bow out right now.”
Billy let out a slow, shaky breath. What did that mean? Did that mean Teddy had said no? “You’re an asshole,” he said, but his voice was uneven, a little trembly, and Greg just waved it off.
“Yeah,” he said, “I’m a real piece of work. He’s not coming today. The rest of this can’t play out in front of an audience, but I swear to you, whatever it takes, he’s not coming today.” He stood, towering over Billy-a dark, threatening presence. “This isn’t over.”
Billy wanted to say something to that-some clever retort, to show how much he didn’t care-but the words dried up in his mouth when Greg grabbed for him. Billy shrank back fast, pressed tight against the arm of the bench, nearly skittering over its side. Greg’s fingers tightened in his collar again, then loosened, brushing over the crumpled fabric. “Later,” he said thoughtfully, as if talking to himself. “I’ve got that call to make.”
He smirked as he pulled back, flipping open his phone again, punching a button. Billy watched with a sinking heart as Greg strolled away, already saying, “Hey, Teddy, it’s me again.”
Greg turned the corner and disappeared from sight, but even still, Billy’s body felt drawn as a fist. He tried to make himself stand, but his legs were wobbly and his stomach was churning so hard he thought he’d puke. Kesler…Kesler was one thing. He was big but he was stupid. Greg was something altogether different. And Billy had no doubt that he could find a way to make both him and Teddy hurt before this whole thing was through.
Greg was holding all the cards.
Billy waited on the bench for a good fifteen minutes, slipping out his phone, eyes on the faceplate. When it finally lit up, Teddy’s name flashing, he wasn’t sure what he felt. He flipped it open, shoulders hunching forward as he murmured, “Hello?”
“Hey, Billy,” Teddy said, and he didn’t have to say anything more-Billy could hear the coming blow in his tone. He braced for it, but it still hurt when Teddy said, sounding gutted, “I- I, um, I really hope you decided not to go all the way down to the park to wait for me. It turns out I can’t come after all.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I’m really sorry. I am so, so sorry, but I just, you know. Something came up, and I can’t say no. I wish I- You aren’t there yet, right? Tell me I at least caught you at your house.”
“It’s fine,” Billy said. “I was, um, anyway. It’s fine.”
“Okay. Okay. I, um. I’ll see you Tuesday?”
“Sure. Okay.”
Billy didn’t let Teddy say any more. He shut his phone and held it between numb hands, wondering if he’d ever really had a chance.
**
CaptnAmazing: Hey!
6:23 pm: Avngerfan2119 is away.
CaptnAmazing: Okay, cool, I’ll just wait right here.
CaptnAmazing: Waiting.
CaptnAmazing: Waaaiting.
CaptnAmazing: Aw, come on, Billy. Come back!
CaptnAmazing: I bet you’re on the phone with Teddy again, huh?
6:41 pm: Avngerfan2119 has signed off.
Part Five