Alright, so you probably already know my opinions on this story, but: I love this so much. I loved the first incarnation of it that was submitted for Yuletide, but I love this one even more; it was the sort of thing where I didn't know what it was missing until you rewrote it and suddenly it was like, "Hallelujah!"
All of the characters are so much more expanded, realistic -- they're people, even Kesler and Greg the Asshat. The first scene with Kesler and the Captain America doll is all the more painful, and the scene with Samantha and "Spider-man" was just so tense, so well-done. In particular, I absolutely adore the New Year's scene with Billy and Teddy in the park, and how soft it all is, and just how plain likable Teddy is. In the original version, there didn't seem as much reason for Billy to like Teddy so much -- it was more like a heavy crush that was still just a dream, not exactly valid. But with this scene, with them hanging out on their own time, not just coincidentally meeting it each other somewhere -- hanging out for the sake of hanging out and getting to know each other -- it made all of Billy's reactions and crush more justified. I just -- really love all of these characters.
Also, beyond the characters -- the concept of this is strong and incredibly satisfying; as I've said, the thing that bothers me most about Young Avengers is the lack of character backgrounds and, most especially, how their superhero identities seem to define everything that they are and do, rather than their "civilian" identities. We all know that, if anything, it would be the other way around, and I just lovelovelove that you're showing this -- expanding everyone from the comic and just . . . agh, making them more. The idea that Billy might have known Teddy before the whole superhero thing had never occurred to me, but once I heard it I quite fancied it, especially with the idea that the two of them would naturally hate each other. You just carry it out so well, even the plotlines with your original characters, which can be such a touchy subject to some people -- but they're there for a purpose and they're well-defined, so all complaints are irrelevant.
This ends at such a good spot, too; we know a crack-down is going to come down, but how you'll choose to go about writing it will be a journey enough to satisfy anybody! I really can't wait to see how this story shapes up -- your plan is solid and -- argh, I just wish you already had it all written!
(Okay, also -- thank you for not murdering me because of my betaing. I know that I was a little extravagant, but I really really didn't mean any offense; I loved it so much that I couldn't stop but pick the entire thing apart as best I could. It was a tribute to you and this story: it was so good that it compelled me to be as critical of it as I could. And I know that most of the stuff I did was arbitrary stylistic stuff, but -- um, well, you didn't just change everything back to how it was, so I'll say that I actually had some good suggestions. *nods*)
Alright, alright, so all I'm doing in this comment is singing your praises (at the top of my voice), so since it's not really productive, I'll stop. Just know: you are insanely awesome!
Wow, thank you! I have to say, you did an incredible job editing this story; it wouldn't be anywhere near as strong without you. You have a knack for ferreting out my weaknesses as a writer and making me re-evaluate things I was taking for granted (such as flow, cohesion, etc.) I was frankly flattered that you put so much time and effort into your edit, which is a large part of why I took the extra time to go through it slowly. (Well, that and I never seemed to have time with my laptop. Lots of people on the subway think I'm very strange now, though, thanks to my hard copy editing and occasional grins.)
Anyway! It means a lot that you gave so much for this story, and you've certainly helped shape the future of this series. In conclusion: you rock! Thank you. :)
Alright, so you probably already know my opinions on this story, but: I love this so much. I loved the first incarnation of it that was submitted for Yuletide, but I love this one even more; it was the sort of thing where I didn't know what it was missing until you rewrote it and suddenly it was like, "Hallelujah!"
All of the characters are so much more expanded, realistic -- they're people, even Kesler and Greg the Asshat. The first scene with Kesler and the Captain America doll is all the more painful, and the scene with Samantha and "Spider-man" was just so tense, so well-done. In particular, I absolutely adore the New Year's scene with Billy and Teddy in the park, and how soft it all is, and just how plain likable Teddy is. In the original version, there didn't seem as much reason for Billy to like Teddy so much -- it was more like a heavy crush that was still just a dream, not exactly valid. But with this scene, with them hanging out on their own time, not just coincidentally meeting it each other somewhere -- hanging out for the sake of hanging out and getting to know each other -- it made all of Billy's reactions and crush more justified. I just -- really love all of these characters.
Also, beyond the characters -- the concept of this is strong and incredibly satisfying; as I've said, the thing that bothers me most about Young Avengers is the lack of character backgrounds and, most especially, how their superhero identities seem to define everything that they are and do, rather than their "civilian" identities. We all know that, if anything, it would be the other way around, and I just lovelovelove that you're showing this -- expanding everyone from the comic and just . . . agh, making them more. The idea that Billy might have known Teddy before the whole superhero thing had never occurred to me, but once I heard it I quite fancied it, especially with the idea that the two of them would naturally hate each other. You just carry it out so well, even the plotlines with your original characters, which can be such a touchy subject to some people -- but they're there for a purpose and they're well-defined, so all complaints are irrelevant.
This ends at such a good spot, too; we know a crack-down is going to come down, but how you'll choose to go about writing it will be a journey enough to satisfy anybody! I really can't wait to see how this story shapes up -- your plan is solid and -- argh, I just wish you already had it all written!
(Okay, also -- thank you for not murdering me because of my betaing. I know that I was a little extravagant, but I really really didn't mean any offense; I loved it so much that I couldn't stop but pick the entire thing apart as best I could. It was a tribute to you and this story: it was so good that it compelled me to be as critical of it as I could. And I know that most of the stuff I did was arbitrary stylistic stuff, but -- um, well, you didn't just change everything back to how it was, so I'll say that I actually had some good suggestions. *nods*)
Alright, alright, so all I'm doing in this comment is singing your praises (at the top of my voice), so since it's not really productive, I'll stop. Just know: you are insanely awesome!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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Anyway! It means a lot that you gave so much for this story, and you've certainly helped shape the future of this series. In conclusion: you rock! Thank you. :)
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