so confused
So yeah. the past few weeks/months of my life have been more than interesting, my girlfriend and I have had problems (we're working things out) I’ve quit my band that I’ve strived to start for the past 3 years and all kinds of crap so bare with me as I talk about all this and vent.
ok so lets start with my friends. most of them have basically just stop talking to me all together why im not sure but even ones I thought were close and everything it seems that I have to make all the first steps or make all the plans to even hang out with anyone anymore no one really calls to say hey or see if I want to chill anymore, it kind of sucks feeling like im just a waste of time to these people I call friends. I dunno what to do or what i've done to make them be so different toward me. I guess it's something about me or my person that is the problem. sometimes I wish people would talk to me and let me know what’s up just to see if it's really me or something i’ve done ya know. but yeah... or what about the band i’ve strived to get going for so long with holden? well to put it simply no one OTHER than holden wanted me in there... they didn't have the balls to say anything so to them I say get some balls, BUT I do have to say it's really weird that... ok here I’ll start from the start. holden and I had been though several people who "wanted to start a band" none of them worked out then along came another guy and then another and another, originally I was COMPLETELY against having 2 of us do vocals but I thought "ya know I know this other guy pretty well and he's rad and I know these other dudes too I think we could make something rad" but how does it go? no I get pushed aside. any thing I tried to put in, trashed, any input to the band, trashed, any way of trying to make things worked, ignored then trashed so it seems the one big thing my self and holden have tried to get going for the past few years i’ve been forced out of and nothing has skipped a beat.yeah it really freaking sucks that no one in the band could even come to me and talk about it other than holden, I think that was rather lame. but none the less what’s done i’ve accepted and moved on from. but I still need to get my microphone back, oh well on to other things. i’ve started doing what i’ve longed to do and that’s welding, im starting a class on it as soon as the next one is available so I can become a certified welder and get a job making all kinds of cool crap... metal is so fun. right now I’ve started a job making around 12$ an hour so that’s not to bad, I get to build new things everyday and leave feeling great about turning someone’s back yard into their own private oasis, and these things really are beautiful the one im working on now will be so freaking awesome when it's done on friday. I can't wait to see it completely finished. but on to other things... lately I’ve been feeling I’ve really missed God a lot in my life and I know things have to change too, im ready to setting everything down now and start living that "adult" life... ALMOST haha im still young so im gonna have my fun too. lately I’ve really started to miss alot of my old friends, I miss my home town of greenville... it's not really my HOME town but I grew up mostly there..basicly. my mom and I have been getting along freaking so awesome.. it's so rad, I’ve started to learn how to soften my heart, I mean.. ok this makes me look like a pansy but last night I was watching a tv show called "build or bust" it's where you build a bike in 30 days and if you do it you keep it if not you go home in shame... well this guy was building a bike for his son... he worked his freakin ass off and won the bike, to win you gotta do a burn out. he did it then handed the keys to his boy... I admit it choked me up...(this is the "softened heart" part) I dunno about most of you but some of you know I didn't have a father growing up.. my parents split up when I was only 6 months old... my dad is a freakin loser and has never once tried to make contact with me even though I’ve sent him letters and even tried to call him 2 times... he's an asshole and doesn't even deserve to know what a great man I’ve turned into. but yeah... this is my rants so to close it all up I’ll simply say this... to my friends.. my real ones that have and continue to keep in touch with me.. thanks you guys are my only family now that my mother travels so much with her nursing job. to Jess.. you've been more than a girlfriend to me... you’re beautiful, you’re awesome, you’re so much fun to have, hold, and be around. I love you more than you know, your the best. to you guys who read this... im sorry it's so long haha, there's so much more I could talk about but I’ll save that for another depressed day. so I bid you all farewell for now...
-13enjamin
quote: remind your friend’s everyday you're there for them, call someone you haven’t talked to in a while just to say hi. and remember to live life to it's full extent. you only get one shot so take every second of it and remind the people around you to do the same
ok so lets start with my friends. most of them have basically just stop talking to me all together why im not sure but even ones I thought were close and everything it seems that I have to make all the first steps or make all the plans to even hang out with anyone anymore no one really calls to say hey or see if I want to chill anymore, it kind of sucks feeling like im just a waste of time to these people I call friends. I dunno what to do or what i've done to make them be so different toward me. I guess it's something about me or my person that is the problem. sometimes I wish people would talk to me and let me know what’s up just to see if it's really me or something i’ve done ya know. but yeah... or what about the band i’ve strived to get going for so long with holden? well to put it simply no one OTHER than holden wanted me in there... they didn't have the balls to say anything so to them I say get some balls, BUT I do have to say it's really weird that... ok here I’ll start from the start. holden and I had been though several people who "wanted to start a band" none of them worked out then along came another guy and then another and another, originally I was COMPLETELY against having 2 of us do vocals but I thought "ya know I know this other guy pretty well and he's rad and I know these other dudes too I think we could make something rad" but how does it go? no I get pushed aside. any thing I tried to put in, trashed, any input to the band, trashed, any way of trying to make things worked, ignored then trashed so it seems the one big thing my self and holden have tried to get going for the past few years i’ve been forced out of and nothing has skipped a beat.yeah it really freaking sucks that no one in the band could even come to me and talk about it other than holden, I think that was rather lame. but none the less what’s done i’ve accepted and moved on from. but I still need to get my microphone back, oh well on to other things. i’ve started doing what i’ve longed to do and that’s welding, im starting a class on it as soon as the next one is available so I can become a certified welder and get a job making all kinds of cool crap... metal is so fun. right now I’ve started a job making around 12$ an hour so that’s not to bad, I get to build new things everyday and leave feeling great about turning someone’s back yard into their own private oasis, and these things really are beautiful the one im working on now will be so freaking awesome when it's done on friday. I can't wait to see it completely finished. but on to other things... lately I’ve been feeling I’ve really missed God a lot in my life and I know things have to change too, im ready to setting everything down now and start living that "adult" life... ALMOST haha im still young so im gonna have my fun too. lately I’ve really started to miss alot of my old friends, I miss my home town of greenville... it's not really my HOME town but I grew up mostly there..basicly. my mom and I have been getting along freaking so awesome.. it's so rad, I’ve started to learn how to soften my heart, I mean.. ok this makes me look like a pansy but last night I was watching a tv show called "build or bust" it's where you build a bike in 30 days and if you do it you keep it if not you go home in shame... well this guy was building a bike for his son... he worked his freakin ass off and won the bike, to win you gotta do a burn out. he did it then handed the keys to his boy... I admit it choked me up...(this is the "softened heart" part) I dunno about most of you but some of you know I didn't have a father growing up.. my parents split up when I was only 6 months old... my dad is a freakin loser and has never once tried to make contact with me even though I’ve sent him letters and even tried to call him 2 times... he's an asshole and doesn't even deserve to know what a great man I’ve turned into. but yeah... this is my rants so to close it all up I’ll simply say this... to my friends.. my real ones that have and continue to keep in touch with me.. thanks you guys are my only family now that my mother travels so much with her nursing job. to Jess.. you've been more than a girlfriend to me... you’re beautiful, you’re awesome, you’re so much fun to have, hold, and be around. I love you more than you know, your the best. to you guys who read this... im sorry it's so long haha, there's so much more I could talk about but I’ll save that for another depressed day. so I bid you all farewell for now...
-13enjamin
quote: remind your friend’s everyday you're there for them, call someone you haven’t talked to in a while just to say hi. and remember to live life to it's full extent. you only get one shot so take every second of it and remind the people around you to do the same