the answer to my fears. a tear of joy.

[redshadows]

so as of lately ive been rather angry inside. whats been causing this i have no clue, i just know that inside, deep inside..my heart hasn't been the same, it's been mad at everything..more or less afraid of everything.... i watched a movie tonight, what one i'll keep to my self for reasons only i wish to know or let be known. but after watching this "fish tail" if you well i relised that im afriad of all this pain and death arround me. watching my best friend cry as he watched his grandfather be lowerd in the ground or his family cry over not having such a beautiful husband, dad, grandfather, with them anymore. i watch as people i know here in my own town die at such a young age in car wrecks, people whom i converced with when i went to a show or went out with... now gone as quickly as i can snap my fingers. i feel the hurt and sorrow of these familys the warmth of my heart bleeding out tears of compassion. i wonder what its like to lose someone you love and i fear that. ive never lost that one someone who's touched me. it makes me choked up even thinking about it. i fear the pain that all these others have to suffer, yes i believe in that better place but also it's our choice to get there, i hurt over the question if these people truely are there. im truely broken in half for these people. i see these memories inked in skin as reminders of how much we love these people. i see new life each time i see new moms. i see... this life i fear so much to live, only to know that one day i'll cause this fear and pain on someone that loves me. this is a letter to all that i love and that love me. i feel now what its like to awesomely love something...someone..to the point of hurting and breaking for them. to this and to you all. i love you for now, and many many years to come.
-benjamin

† my story will live on †

quote: somethings are simply took for granted over looked and never givin that chance to explane them self. i hope you all take the time to make sure you let the ones that touch your heart, make you smile, remind you to breathe in a moment of joy. don't just tell them once, make sure you tell them every single day how you feel. i hope you all tell them you love them and appreciate what they have put in your life. a tear of joy.