This week I received a spam email entitled "Learn the secrets of Love & Man Pole."
I am now desperate to find out all I can about Love and Man Pole, and can't decide whether they are more likely to be:
a 1970s singing duo, rather like The Captain & Tennille but with more suggestive lyrics. Their bestselling albums probably included Love & Manpole
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SPLORT!!!! I just spent a boringly tedious Adult Two Hours with The Candidate for Dean, and I needed those album titles (or Love and Mann-Pole, the Movie!).
Ha, that sounds like something from Edward Lear's little-known(*) Book of Naughty Nonsense Verse: Get the most sexy luxurious Dong! It's sexily stiff and luxuriously long But folds down quite neatly to stash in your thong And when you get drunk, it'll sing you a song...
I imagine Pearcey Heidelberger would be a rich investment banker with a secret lederhosen fetish. And Matilda Papstein would be a New York performance artist whose entire body of work was based around Kraft cheese slices.
Just received a rather class piece of span involving the subject heading 'Fanny Call' and the subsequent words 'immense love gun'. If anyone would like to write about the adventures of Fanny and her Love Gun (I'm thinking 1960s spy, yes?), you'd be more than welcome to...
And, uh, that should be 'spam' instead of 'span'. Evidently I cannot type. And now I'm thinking about Fanny's new adventure with her Immense Spanner...
Fanny Call and Her Love Gun would make a charming kids cartoon for a very naive cable channel. She skips around shooting hearts out of her gun and making people fall in love, that's all! Nothing naughty about that...
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I can manage a couple of make-over shows: 'Feminity (sic) and charm: it is about you', and 'How to catch her attention'.
'The Diamond Fog' might be a sequel to 'The Ruby In The Smoke', but maybe not. It does seem to have a leading lady called Tiffani.
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Made me vaporise my tea, that one did.
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Get the most sexy luxurious Dong!
It's sexily stiff and luxuriously long
But folds down quite neatly to stash in your thong
And when you get drunk, it'll sing you a song...
(* Mainly because I just made it up.)
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Incidentally, I have the Faber Book of Blue Verse which contains such delights as Patrick O'Shaughnessy's Endpiece:
Here lies the body of Patrick
Who served Aphrodite delightedly.
Even when quite geriatric
He still raised a nightie excitedly.
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Pearcey Heidelberger
Mathilda Papstein
Tammie Novembre
Jaimee Truxler
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