Homecoming
I am trying to complete my degree so that I qualify for the job I have been offered*. Yes, its true folks I am moving back to the States. If you had told me that last year I would have laughed and then cried at the thought. Now I can’t wait. Mostly, I can’t wait to be around those people that I love. I don’t know when the obsession I have with Great Britain began to fade exactly, but I think it started one night as I was sleeping across the room from Reed and realized that he is growing up without me. Well of course he is, but I mean that I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. Amelia too only has a vague idea of who I am-an idolised vague idea. And I can only make nominal chit-chat with her about her life. She is at that age where your interests change and no one takes notice that you are not a child anymore. I don’t want to miss that.
So I prayed that night and told God that I would live wherever in the world He wanted doing whatever He asked, but I didn’t want to live overseas if it was just my choice. It was scary to think that I was forcing this separation between me and all my loved ones. That somehow I was failing if I moved back to the States. I don’t feel that way now. Perhaps because all my great plans for my life have been taken away from me. Not in the sense that they don’t exist anymore but that they are just goals-things I would like to do and because I’m a dreamer so many of them are impossible to accomplish on my own.
I still have the same desires, to teach, to write, to act, to marry and have a family-all that. But now, more than ever before, I realize that those things may happen in ways I didn’t expect. I’m looking forward to what God is doing.
I am looking at coming to Peoria, Il in early October and working at my old job and substitute teaching like I did last year. My former employer (who shall remain anonymous to help me cover my shame in contributing to such mass consumption of unneeded goods) has offered me a holiday job starting when I get back. My job here in St Andrews ends in September so it seems to fit in pretty well.
I am trying desperately to keep focus. If you know me at all you know how hard this is. I am constantly thinking forward. I am trying to stay out of the driving seat and let God take the wheel. Yes, silly Christian cliché but its true. In all aspects I am both trying to let go and keep going.
I’m gonna try to work on that thesis thing I’ve been thinking about. Love to you all.
* this was not a definite offer it came more in the vein of, yes we want you, call us in October to which I replied, “I need more than that” and they said “we want you, we’ll send you a list of classes offered then.” I’m going to keep on them but it’s the best option I have so far. Me a professor?! What do you think?
So I prayed that night and told God that I would live wherever in the world He wanted doing whatever He asked, but I didn’t want to live overseas if it was just my choice. It was scary to think that I was forcing this separation between me and all my loved ones. That somehow I was failing if I moved back to the States. I don’t feel that way now. Perhaps because all my great plans for my life have been taken away from me. Not in the sense that they don’t exist anymore but that they are just goals-things I would like to do and because I’m a dreamer so many of them are impossible to accomplish on my own.
I still have the same desires, to teach, to write, to act, to marry and have a family-all that. But now, more than ever before, I realize that those things may happen in ways I didn’t expect. I’m looking forward to what God is doing.
I am looking at coming to Peoria, Il in early October and working at my old job and substitute teaching like I did last year. My former employer (who shall remain anonymous to help me cover my shame in contributing to such mass consumption of unneeded goods) has offered me a holiday job starting when I get back. My job here in St Andrews ends in September so it seems to fit in pretty well.
I am trying desperately to keep focus. If you know me at all you know how hard this is. I am constantly thinking forward. I am trying to stay out of the driving seat and let God take the wheel. Yes, silly Christian cliché but its true. In all aspects I am both trying to let go and keep going.
I’m gonna try to work on that thesis thing I’ve been thinking about. Love to you all.
* this was not a definite offer it came more in the vein of, yes we want you, call us in October to which I replied, “I need more than that” and they said “we want you, we’ll send you a list of classes offered then.” I’m going to keep on them but it’s the best option I have so far. Me a professor?! What do you think?