My struggle
I discovered about a week ago that I may be able to go back onto my parents insurance policy, which in some means is a victory, but I consider myself to be one of the lucky few that can HAVE insurance.
For about the past two years, I've had to be very careful about my health, since I did not have health-care. Whenever I wanted to see a doctor, I'd have to charge it, or go to a clinic, or scrape up enough money for a filling or antibiotics.
As some of you know, I have a few reoccurring issues with my blood sugar. While it may seem that I am perpetually hungry, I have to constantly stay fueled to keep angry headaches and lethargy away.
Now, this may seem REALLY simple. Just eat. Often. As well as healthily. But unfortunately it takes some finesse that I really haven't mastered yet. I am experimenting a great deal to find that perfect balance that gives me strength, and poise.
However, the issue is much more debilitating that just lacking my get-up and go. So many hours have been wasting laying in bed, or curled up on the couch with my head between my legs. I wonder, "why do people who eat crap all the time, seem to feel better than I do, who eats generally healthy food, or at least moderately so". Maybe I could really bolster my diet, but it's hard when money is tight on my end, as well as my parents.
I just can't help but wonder what it's like to NOT hunger. How it must be to NOT ache for more and more food just a mere hour or two between meals. I wish I just was a turbo-charged furnace that required massive amounts of coal to do my great justice, but I can't help but wonder what is really going on inside. What damage is this really doing to me when I forget to eat, or just find myself unable to do so.
Sometimes, I feel like a pile of shit for eating so damn much, when I know there are starving people living in my own damn town, let alone far off countries with not even clean water to drink. Am I a burden to this world? Or do I just need to find a fix, little by little, and become self-sustaining as to remove the pressure I put on the environment? That still does not mean that I am not privileged, and this sickens me.
I want to make myself strong, and wise, but sometimes that alone just seems like something I just can't start "today" because I feel so ill. I don't want to make excuses for myself, I just want to find out how to make myself better, or at least well.
And then one day, hopefully do something with myself.
For about the past two years, I've had to be very careful about my health, since I did not have health-care. Whenever I wanted to see a doctor, I'd have to charge it, or go to a clinic, or scrape up enough money for a filling or antibiotics.
As some of you know, I have a few reoccurring issues with my blood sugar. While it may seem that I am perpetually hungry, I have to constantly stay fueled to keep angry headaches and lethargy away.
Now, this may seem REALLY simple. Just eat. Often. As well as healthily. But unfortunately it takes some finesse that I really haven't mastered yet. I am experimenting a great deal to find that perfect balance that gives me strength, and poise.
However, the issue is much more debilitating that just lacking my get-up and go. So many hours have been wasting laying in bed, or curled up on the couch with my head between my legs. I wonder, "why do people who eat crap all the time, seem to feel better than I do, who eats generally healthy food, or at least moderately so". Maybe I could really bolster my diet, but it's hard when money is tight on my end, as well as my parents.
I just can't help but wonder what it's like to NOT hunger. How it must be to NOT ache for more and more food just a mere hour or two between meals. I wish I just was a turbo-charged furnace that required massive amounts of coal to do my great justice, but I can't help but wonder what is really going on inside. What damage is this really doing to me when I forget to eat, or just find myself unable to do so.
Sometimes, I feel like a pile of shit for eating so damn much, when I know there are starving people living in my own damn town, let alone far off countries with not even clean water to drink. Am I a burden to this world? Or do I just need to find a fix, little by little, and become self-sustaining as to remove the pressure I put on the environment? That still does not mean that I am not privileged, and this sickens me.
I want to make myself strong, and wise, but sometimes that alone just seems like something I just can't start "today" because I feel so ill. I don't want to make excuses for myself, I just want to find out how to make myself better, or at least well.
And then one day, hopefully do something with myself.