(no subject)
Today I had no expectations other than I would be paid for missing half of the work day to focus my attention on our feisty one.
All day yesterday the little one was going bonkers. I figured it was a progression into the next stage. Each time I have felt more movement than before has lead to a consistency of more or equal amounts of movement (of course, except when Z is waiting patiently to feel or see movement, and by patiently I mean no patience at all, then I feel zilch or feel twitches, kicks, swimming, pushing and it is not visible from the outside).
Last night, I was having a dream that something was terribly wrong with the baby and my stomach hardened like a rock with my back following suit. I jumped out of the dream and sat up like I have seen in movies where someone is terrified and screams. I felt a piercing pain on the right side of my lower back, and a hard lump on the right side of my abdomen. The back pain felt like needles at first, then later a repetitive movement of a beat down taking place almost to the speed of the quickening beat of my heart. It almost feels like menstrual cramps in the wrong place, although I have heard some women cramp in their back. I have heard and read about back pain with pregnant women, but it is different to experience, as all circumstances. I have also experienced my share of different back pains, but this was different. My automatic thought was that the baby was pushing against my right side, which I later found to be true. I continued to press on the hardness on my right side with hard rubbing and kneading until it finally softened up, but the back pain intensified. It was three in the morning, the dog was crying to go out, as she often does if she sees one of us awake and we accidentally make eye contact with her, so I pulled on some pants and took her out. I realized my butt didn't fit in my pants and started crying because they were pajama pants I had just worn the night prior, which meant I must of grown a lot considering. (Later I found out I had them on backwards and cried again.) Walking helped ease the pain, but it kept coming back.
We had our ultrasound today, the anatomy scan. I had to lay on my back for over an hour, with breaks in between because it was so painful. Instead of hoping the moment wouldn't go too quickly, I found myself unable to focus, relax, and simply enjoy the excitement of seeing our big bouncing alien baby wave at me and show Daddy that Mommy does not lie about the frequency of his/her movement. I wanted everything to hurry up so I could sit up and be done with the prodding and pressure. The place we went didn't have a screen up for me to view like the first time we had an ultrasound so I had to see my husband's eager eyes, smiles, and curious facial expressions as he hovered over the technician when I was in my least amount of pain, in the beginning, while she did her measurements first. At one point I got the sensation that I was about to black out when the pain peaked. I had wished at the moment I would have.
The technicians think they know the sex of our little one, but they didn't want to say it with certainty. After looking at so many ultrasound pictures of other peoples' babies' penises and vaginas on the internet, then comparing them to our pictures, we agree with what the technicians said. Because there is no certainty I am not attaching myself to the idea of a girl or boy at this time and feel that I still don't have an answer in that department (even though as I type this, Z is baking cupcakes with food coloring in the cake mix for our parents to eat and find the color associated with the sex we THINK the baby is on the inside). I find him adorable, and loved watching him be so excited and trying not to smile too hard watching the life wriggling about inside of me today. I feel so connected to him through this experience, and it is nothing short of amazing to reach a new level with someone when you thought you have already explored them inside out.
I confess, that despite reading and reading and reading and asking and asking and asking, I still found the sensation of my ligaments stretching and tightening a surprise and worried something was wrong with the baby until I was pat on the head and told, "welcome to pregnancy." If this is just ligaments stretching, I am ever so curious how it will feel to be in labor. The ligaments can stretch all they want in the front, but messing with the back, and all the nerves there, is just playing dirty. I wonder if I will have back labor. I found a study stating that by looking at how and where you cramp during your menstrual cycle you can determine how you will labor, but I am not holding my breath (although that would be nice if it is true). Even knowing that this is going to be a challenge, I know when the day comes to labor I will be in shock at the extent of the pain, just as I was surprised today (but probably worse). I find humor in this, funny enough. My mom worried that today's experience would freak me out about labor, but I am a bit more eager and calm about the challenge (for now).
Lots of parentheses tonight.
All day yesterday the little one was going bonkers. I figured it was a progression into the next stage. Each time I have felt more movement than before has lead to a consistency of more or equal amounts of movement (of course, except when Z is waiting patiently to feel or see movement, and by patiently I mean no patience at all, then I feel zilch or feel twitches, kicks, swimming, pushing and it is not visible from the outside).
Last night, I was having a dream that something was terribly wrong with the baby and my stomach hardened like a rock with my back following suit. I jumped out of the dream and sat up like I have seen in movies where someone is terrified and screams. I felt a piercing pain on the right side of my lower back, and a hard lump on the right side of my abdomen. The back pain felt like needles at first, then later a repetitive movement of a beat down taking place almost to the speed of the quickening beat of my heart. It almost feels like menstrual cramps in the wrong place, although I have heard some women cramp in their back. I have heard and read about back pain with pregnant women, but it is different to experience, as all circumstances. I have also experienced my share of different back pains, but this was different. My automatic thought was that the baby was pushing against my right side, which I later found to be true. I continued to press on the hardness on my right side with hard rubbing and kneading until it finally softened up, but the back pain intensified. It was three in the morning, the dog was crying to go out, as she often does if she sees one of us awake and we accidentally make eye contact with her, so I pulled on some pants and took her out. I realized my butt didn't fit in my pants and started crying because they were pajama pants I had just worn the night prior, which meant I must of grown a lot considering. (Later I found out I had them on backwards and cried again.) Walking helped ease the pain, but it kept coming back.
We had our ultrasound today, the anatomy scan. I had to lay on my back for over an hour, with breaks in between because it was so painful. Instead of hoping the moment wouldn't go too quickly, I found myself unable to focus, relax, and simply enjoy the excitement of seeing our big bouncing alien baby wave at me and show Daddy that Mommy does not lie about the frequency of his/her movement. I wanted everything to hurry up so I could sit up and be done with the prodding and pressure. The place we went didn't have a screen up for me to view like the first time we had an ultrasound so I had to see my husband's eager eyes, smiles, and curious facial expressions as he hovered over the technician when I was in my least amount of pain, in the beginning, while she did her measurements first. At one point I got the sensation that I was about to black out when the pain peaked. I had wished at the moment I would have.
The technicians think they know the sex of our little one, but they didn't want to say it with certainty. After looking at so many ultrasound pictures of other peoples' babies' penises and vaginas on the internet, then comparing them to our pictures, we agree with what the technicians said. Because there is no certainty I am not attaching myself to the idea of a girl or boy at this time and feel that I still don't have an answer in that department (even though as I type this, Z is baking cupcakes with food coloring in the cake mix for our parents to eat and find the color associated with the sex we THINK the baby is on the inside). I find him adorable, and loved watching him be so excited and trying not to smile too hard watching the life wriggling about inside of me today. I feel so connected to him through this experience, and it is nothing short of amazing to reach a new level with someone when you thought you have already explored them inside out.
I confess, that despite reading and reading and reading and asking and asking and asking, I still found the sensation of my ligaments stretching and tightening a surprise and worried something was wrong with the baby until I was pat on the head and told, "welcome to pregnancy." If this is just ligaments stretching, I am ever so curious how it will feel to be in labor. The ligaments can stretch all they want in the front, but messing with the back, and all the nerves there, is just playing dirty. I wonder if I will have back labor. I found a study stating that by looking at how and where you cramp during your menstrual cycle you can determine how you will labor, but I am not holding my breath (although that would be nice if it is true). Even knowing that this is going to be a challenge, I know when the day comes to labor I will be in shock at the extent of the pain, just as I was surprised today (but probably worse). I find humor in this, funny enough. My mom worried that today's experience would freak me out about labor, but I am a bit more eager and calm about the challenge (for now).
Lots of parentheses tonight.