Sam explains why he will never make another post with <6 hours of sleep the night before (**1/2)
I'm a different person when I get less than optimal sleep. Some people get cranky all day, others lethargic. I mope. It can give me a good sarcastic edge against anything thrown at me, and after a certain point everything becomes a good joke...it's just that I'm not always the one to laugh at it.
It's my fourth year here. I am shorter than the average Chinese American. I'm switching from math as a major to computer science (maybe engineering added to that title, but I'm even doubting that now). My favorite genre of music is metal. I am an agnostic atheist who strongly dislikes religion...and sometimes its followers. Actually, apply that to many other people, depending on my mood.
There are other people who are kinda like me, especially those under computer science, who seem to be so very satisfied with themselves and what they do. Yes, they're probably single. Very single. For a very long time. But that may never bother them, at least not significantly, because they have found other things to satisfy them in life...friends, family, their hobbies and activities, their own unique goals...and those can indeed be very fulfilling. There are always times when finding that special someone is the least of your desires...the trick for people following a career path like mine is to keep it that way for as long and often as possible.
I guess I'm saying I'm close to giving up, although I'm hesitant to say that because I never really tried. But I honestly have no time for anyone to enter my life right now. Judging by my classes next quarter, it's gonna stay that way. It'll be a bit painful but
Actually, it sucks a lot. Fuck, this is some livejournal shit right here, so I'll go all out. I HATE BEING SINGLE. I WILL PROBABLY REMAIN SINGLE. I LACK THE TESTOSTERONE TO EVEN TRY TO NOT BE SINGLE. EVEN IF I DID HAVE IT, I WOULD HAVE NO TIME FOR EVEN THE MOST CASUAL OF ROMANTIC INTERACTIONS. THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT CRUSHED BY THE WEIGHT OF THIS RIGHT NOW IS BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SO FUCKING EMPTY IT'S JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS. I just wish I could laugh about it.
Hrm, this is actually hugely embarrassing, and it's probably awkward for you to read this. I needed to get this out though, but since I'm not comfortable talking in real life about it with anyone really close to me, this is the best outlet I can think of.
I think I need some sleep.