(Mostly)Coherent ramblings
I’ve been on edge recently.
There’s been more peril and adversity in my surrounding world in the last 2 weeks then over the last few months. Maybe stuff has been stewing with others, waiting for the change in weather for a release, a purge of the winter skin, growing in preparation of the daystars return.
The solstice has already come and gone; it is summer now.
And yet I’m apprehensive, on edge. Everything is not all right. I’ve seen 50% of all the people who qualify as family in my life over a 3 day period. Extremely surreal.
I’m not the worlds most expressive person, being rather quiet and to myself. As to others close to me, I’m not a font of emotional anything generally. I’ve felt recently, and it’s been odd. I’m usually happy being an observer, even when it comes to family. And yet, I don’t know, it’s unsettling and exciting all at the same time.
I’ve also been dreaming recently, something quite uncommon for some time. I always attributed it to pushing myself on a continual basis; I practically exist on sleep debt, where a normal sleep is 7-8 hours, I perform on 4.5-6 on a daily basis.
My sweet comments that maybe it’s due to me reading more, and it is true; over the last 4 weeks I’ve read something like 7 books. Maybe I haven’t been feeding my subconscious. And another side effect of the dreaming: my dreams have been quite provocative and overtly sexual, with the situations ranging from interacting, where I’m doing the work, to passive, where it’s occurring as an after thought.
One such occurrence was living with Kimmy(across a hall, not sharing a room) in some multiple roommate situation in Santa Cruz, or somewhere south of here, but not far enough to Monterey. There was a guy(transgendered) and his boyfriend who would get a large blanket and have at it wherever they felt their fancy. It was an old hat situation, everyone was sarcastic and cynical to giving them shit about it, and they just took it in stride. They didn’t care, they were paying rent like everyone else there. I think there were 12 people who lived in it.
The whole time I’m getting ready for work, it’s 6:30 in the morning(they were going at it) and I’m thinking, I have to pick up Randy, but there’s plenty of time. And then it hits me I’m in Santa Cruz, I panic and get frantic.
And then I wake up and realize I’m in my bed, it’s 4:45 and I have plenty of time. I then fall back asleep.
And the frantic starts again as I keep searching for clean clothes. Some things never change, conscious or not.
I’m not a direct participant, but it’s still an ever present part of the dream.
When you really cook it to stock, sex is all about rubbing and feeling good, right? Yeah, the connection is always there, be it platonic or tied, but still, the act is the act.
There were other details about the dream, but I’m raking my mind thinking of them.
At Practice last night, I’m setting things up for the studio, and my 3 compadres are acting par for the course; setting stuff up and getting the room ready. I was struggling to keep myself in check, I wanted to shout, scream, throw shit. I didn’t, but I don’t know how or what stopped me, I was completely and unfettered angry. About what, I don’t know.
There’s been more peril and adversity in my surrounding world in the last 2 weeks then over the last few months. Maybe stuff has been stewing with others, waiting for the change in weather for a release, a purge of the winter skin, growing in preparation of the daystars return.
The solstice has already come and gone; it is summer now.
And yet I’m apprehensive, on edge. Everything is not all right. I’ve seen 50% of all the people who qualify as family in my life over a 3 day period. Extremely surreal.
I’m not the worlds most expressive person, being rather quiet and to myself. As to others close to me, I’m not a font of emotional anything generally. I’ve felt recently, and it’s been odd. I’m usually happy being an observer, even when it comes to family. And yet, I don’t know, it’s unsettling and exciting all at the same time.
I’ve also been dreaming recently, something quite uncommon for some time. I always attributed it to pushing myself on a continual basis; I practically exist on sleep debt, where a normal sleep is 7-8 hours, I perform on 4.5-6 on a daily basis.
My sweet comments that maybe it’s due to me reading more, and it is true; over the last 4 weeks I’ve read something like 7 books. Maybe I haven’t been feeding my subconscious. And another side effect of the dreaming: my dreams have been quite provocative and overtly sexual, with the situations ranging from interacting, where I’m doing the work, to passive, where it’s occurring as an after thought.
One such occurrence was living with Kimmy(across a hall, not sharing a room) in some multiple roommate situation in Santa Cruz, or somewhere south of here, but not far enough to Monterey. There was a guy(transgendered) and his boyfriend who would get a large blanket and have at it wherever they felt their fancy. It was an old hat situation, everyone was sarcastic and cynical to giving them shit about it, and they just took it in stride. They didn’t care, they were paying rent like everyone else there. I think there were 12 people who lived in it.
The whole time I’m getting ready for work, it’s 6:30 in the morning(they were going at it) and I’m thinking, I have to pick up Randy, but there’s plenty of time. And then it hits me I’m in Santa Cruz, I panic and get frantic.
And then I wake up and realize I’m in my bed, it’s 4:45 and I have plenty of time. I then fall back asleep.
And the frantic starts again as I keep searching for clean clothes. Some things never change, conscious or not.
I’m not a direct participant, but it’s still an ever present part of the dream.
When you really cook it to stock, sex is all about rubbing and feeling good, right? Yeah, the connection is always there, be it platonic or tied, but still, the act is the act.
There were other details about the dream, but I’m raking my mind thinking of them.
At Practice last night, I’m setting things up for the studio, and my 3 compadres are acting par for the course; setting stuff up and getting the room ready. I was struggling to keep myself in check, I wanted to shout, scream, throw shit. I didn’t, but I don’t know how or what stopped me, I was completely and unfettered angry. About what, I don’t know.