Can't Find My Way Home - Chapter One (+ Commentary)
Disclaimer: "Smallville" and certain characters belong to Miller-Gough et. al. No profit is gained from this writing-only, hopefully, enjoyment.
Lex walked through the double doors and into the foyer. God, it seemed like the place became even more tasteless and overdone each time he left. That painting on the south wall was new, as were the decorative pillar candles-three, four, and six foot candles embossed with gold leaf and pressed ivy. Ick. He should talk to Dad about this new decorator. The person had obviously mistaken the Luthor residence for a suburban housewife's domain.
Because clearly Lionel has godawful taste, being as painfully nouveau riche as he is. I imagine he simply hired the most expensive interior decorator at the time and called it good. Also, this quickly establishes the fact that Lex is out of the loop with regard to what's going in that household. This is the first time he's been back inside said house in easily three years, likely closer to four. Before that, we're talking denial, denial, denial- in the form of boarding school and Bruce's house. Lex be clueless, and I needed to get that across immediately. Otherwise, you'd wonder why the hell he didn't see all this fucked-up-ness years ago and would quickly become frustrated and disgusted with him as a character, and, since he's the main POV, that would in turn prompt you to click away-which would be bad!
He handed off his overcoat to the maid standing nearby and started down the left hallway towards his father's study, the understood meeting place. Grabbing the handle of the oak door, Lex was startled to find it locked. Why would the old bastard lock him out of their own meeting? If a ploy, the move had no real purpose besides putting Lex off balance. So, he made himself calm down and appear to stand patiently across the way, hands in pockets, the picture of detached nonchalance. Inwardly seething, Lex wondered if Lionel were even in there.
Lionel not being in there is probably the most harmless scenario. In fact, Lex should forever count his blessings that he never had to witness certain other activities his father enjoyed. Suffice to say, Lionel was something of an exhibitionist.
Perhaps his father had merely stood him up-again. It happened often enough not to be a completely farfetched idea. Although why he wouldn't notify Lex was a mystery. Usually those cancellations were due to someone or something more important expressing an interest in his father. Lionel would call, chock-full of false guilt and pleading for Lex's understanding that so-and-so just happened to be in town this weekend only.
"Lex, my boy," he'd say, "I apologize, but you know business must come first. I'll see you at break. Make me proud, son."
Maybe it should make me uncomfortable the ease with which I'm able to write Lionel. . .
But he never cancelled without the bragging phone call. Lionel never sent word with any one of his many lackeys. The only time anyone had ever given him a message regarding his father's absence had been that time with Colin. And then it had been Lian doing the excusing, although unintentional. That was when Dad had taken Colin somewhere in a hurry, leaving Lian himself at home with Lionel's personal assistant as babysitter. That'd been, what, three years ago?
And there we've already set the stage for one of the major plot points: Lin's suicide attempt post-Red Kryptonite exposure (occurring in flashback and reference only). That development segues nicely into talk of The Centre, which then leads us right to Lucas-our antihero of the story. Point of note: the Red Kryptonite/suicide attempt was one of the very first things I brainstormed, second or third only to gems like Lucas ripping Lionel's head off and Lin's artistic ability serving as one of the main storytelling devices.
God, he hadn't seen much of either of the boys since he'd left for university. Well, with regard to Colin, that turned out not to be much of a disappointment. He missed Lian, though, and more than he'd thought he would when he'd left, hell-bent on escaping his father's clutches. Ha! He'd quickly come to understand that Lionel Luthor would attempt to control him no matter where he was.
Hopefully at this point you'd caught onto the fact that Lian is that Julian and Colin is a Luthorized Clark. If not, maybe you were patient and intrigued enough for a re-read and got it the second time around. There was probably a better way to write the beginning of this story, rather than just jumping into the deep end, but I wrote it how I would want to read it. That's what I do with all my fic. I write what I want to read. This is the Clark-as-a-Luthor story I'd want to devour, so it's the one you got!
Stanford, Princeton, and of course Metropolis U all had board members and a significant percentage of the faculty reporting to his father. Harvard, however, did not. That was why Lex was soon to be graduating there. He'd briefly considered Oxford, but he would've seen even less of Lian if he'd gone overseas. Lex was afraid that if he went to Europe for college he would never come back to the States. And Lian needed someone on his side. God knew Lionel had his devoted protégé in Colin. Lex didn't want Lian left behind with no allies.
There's the second reference Lex makes to his (currently) less than warm feelings towards Lin. That's another thing I wanted firmly established: Lex is not Lin's best friend at the start of this. From his view, the two of them are barely anything at all at this point. Lin committed the ultimate betrayal, that of spying on Lex for none other than Lionel, five years ago, and since then it's been pretty much radio silence.
See, I needed to start out with conflict already in place, and, boy, did I succeed in that. In retrospect, I had too many subplots going on, and I did miss tying up a few at the end, but it was just so much fun, writing this! You might forget or not even know, but I'd had this story idea rattling around inside my head for almost six months before I finally gathered up the courage to attempt writing it. Thanks go to roxymissrose for that! I'd written maybe two things, two small teensy-weensy ficlets, before CFMWH, and it was only roxy reading one of those ficlets (which was Liar Liar, I believe) and commenting that she'd liked it that spurred me into tackling this gigantic thing. In short, a little bit of encouragement and feedback goes a looooooong way, readers!
The study door suddenly opened and Lex was drawn out of his thoughts. In the doorway was Colin, standing back and apparently waiting for Lex to enter. Lex gave him a smirk and winked at him before passing by. As usual, Colin gave no outward indication of his feelings. Lex envied him that. Colin had the perfect poker face, never giving away anything he didn't want to about what was happening behind those dead green eyes.
Well, look at the bright side. At least Lex acknowledges that Lin doesn't appear happy to be serving Lionel. That's not complete denial-just a refusal to look outside his own pain and remember exactly the type of person his father is.
"Lex! Son, good to see you." Lionel stuck his hand out for Lex to shake, and he obliged by gripping it, hard. Lionel just smirked, his long mane looking even wilder than Lex had remembered.
Slight hint that maybe there were some shenanigans going on in that room prior to Lin unlocking the door, and that that's why the family meeting was delayed. Really, it was just to maybe ping a little on your naughty-dar, sort of plant that icky idea in your mind that not all is as it seems here, methinks. . .
"What's with the hold up?" Lex asked. "You two plotting another Luthorcorp conquest without me?" Knowing it'd put Colin off-kilter, Lex deliberately looked at him while saying this. He also gave the question a heavily sarcastic tone just to needle his father.
"Why, son, of course not! You know I don't discuss business with you boys. Lin would far rather be off on his own, as well. Wouldn't you, boy?" he asked, the last directed at Colin. Lionel's delivery was impeccable. The old bastard could convince the Pope that Mary Magdalene was a housewife, Lex reflected wryly. It was his cold stare in Colin's direction that gave him away, though. It was the look one liar gave another, when forcing the second to play along. 'You'd better do it,' that look said, 'or else.'
Colin merely stared back for a beat, then turned to look at Lex and said with a smirk, "You know how I hate even going to the annual Christmas party. Why would I want to be here any more than you or Lian?"
I imagine Lin's expression here, prior to responding to Lionel's dig, was something of a muted "Bitch, please!"
Lex turned around at that, and sure enough there was Lian standing in the doorway. Still dressed in his uniform, he looked around until his eyes finally landed on Lex. Then, smiling, he carelessly dropped his schoolbag and walked over. Lex stood up and away from the chair just in time to receive Lian's embrace.
"Hey, Kid. How's it going?"
Good God! All of my characters call their younger brothers "Kid!" I just realized that. Lex does it; Dean does it; Bobby does it. Oy!
"How long are you staying?" Lian demanded, pulling away and dropping down in the chair next to Lex's.
"That depends," Lex responded, with a look towards their father as he resumed his own seat. "Well, we're all here now it seems, Dad. What's so important that it requires a 'family meeting?'" Lex said the last with finger quotes for Lian's benefit, and was rewarded with a chuckle from the almost-nine-year-old. God knew the kid should be doing nice things, not sitting here with two sharks and a piranha. The least Lex could do was make it a little less cutthroat and tedious for him.
Lex and Lionel being the sharks in this instance, Lin the piranha. In that, too, Lex is at least honest with himself about the situation. Lionel is Enemy Number One. Lin is just a henchman.
"Boys, I'm here to share a secret with you. Now I know this may seem odd, but I feel it's time we come together as a family. And before we can do that, Lex, Lian, you two need to hear this. I'm taking Lin out of school. His private tutoring will resume here at the house and at the Centre. I have found an excellent man to take over his education, and it's best for everyone that he not be around those people at that academy any longer."
Lionel had prepared this speech. It had just the right pacing and wasn't repetitious, as spur-of-the-moment words tended to be. He'd also apparently already told Colin this because of the boy's reaction, or lack thereof, to the news. Colin just sat there staring at their father. He didn't glare or sulk and, conversely, he wasn't smirking or snarling, either. He just sat there, like a statue. Meanwhile, Lex was wondering a) What the hell was going on between Lionel and Colin, b) What had Colin done to either get expelled or taken out of Excelsior, and c) What did any of this have to do with him?
"Why aren't you going to school anymore, Lin?" Lian asked quietly. He looked concerned and worried, and Lex couldn't really understand why. Why did Lian even care what Colin was doing, or not doing? Lex certainly didn't, not beyond figuring out what Lionel was up to. And perhaps he was just a little curious to know what Colin had done that was so terrible, or, the thought occurred to him, what was done to Colin.
"Son, your brother has had some trouble acclimating to the academy, and I feel that. . . I think it best that-- that he come back home."
Lionel had hesitated. He'd stuttered, and his body language was now nervous and jerky. What the fuck was going on? What had happened? Lian turned back to look at him in shock, and Lex realized he'd asked the questions aloud.
"You remember how difficult it was for you at Excelsior, Lex," his father said with a glare, most likely for his base language. "Lin's classmates were less than welcoming, and I don't want any more incidents."
"But what's wrong, Lin?" Julian asked again, so heartbreakingly sincere and concerned it made Lex's stomach churn.
"That's nothing you need to worry about, Julian. Your brother is fine, and- "
"Excuse me, but what was all this about 'sharing a secret' and 'coming together as a family?'" Lex asked angrily. "Is this the big 'secret'-that Colin's back with tutors and home-schooling? How is that either new or secret?"
"That's not it, son. I just wanted to- " Lionel's condescending tone was overlapped with. . .
"Lin, what happened? What'd they do?" from Julian, so that Lin's voice was almost lost, it was so quiet.
"They tied me to a chimney, and left me outside during a lightning storm," Lin said without rancor.
And how frustrating must it be later for Lex that he and Lian, the ones who actually care for Lin, only heard about this after the fact and even then got just the barest of facts? Lucky knew something of what had happened because Lin was rushed into the Centre shortly after he'd phoned up Lionel the morning after the storm, confessing that his necklace was now defunct. Lian knew Lin was back but certainly not why, only that it wasn't for any good reason. But then, by the same token, Lex deliberately took himself out of the game or tried to anyway. He avoided all mention of Lin from Lian until the kid just gave up and quit bringing him up. He sent presents to Lian for holidays and the like, but he never sent Lin anything.
And all that is instant inner self-conflict for our protagonist. Guilt is a powerful motivator.
I also have this image in my head of Lin in that storm, his face pained but just barely sliding into something else as the Kryptonite is hit with the lightning and rendered harmless.
"Jesus," Lex exhaled after a moment. "The Luthor name certainly didn't get you the star treatment, either. Welcome to the 'Loathed Club,' Colin. You'd better get used to it if you ever want to go off the property."
"Lex!"
"What?! It's true. This family is scorned among the elite, called ruthless barracudas in boardrooms, and reviled and vilified in the press!"
"All the more reason for us to stick together as a family- "
"Who says we don't?" interrupted Julian.
Lex looked at his youngest brother and didn't know what to say. What would give Lian the impression that any of them were in it for anything but their own benefit? Lex certainly only cared that he and Lian got out alive, and he knew their father only cared about himself, regardless of the fact Colin was his favorite. And Colin? Who the hell knew what went on in that kid's head? Lex certainly didn't, nor did he particularly care to find out. Perhaps Lian felt something for them, though. He was still young. He'd grow out of it pretty quickly.
Luthors know how to hold grudges, man. That's for sure!
"Now that's what I like to hear," Lionel said cheerily. "I won't always be here for you boys, and when I'm gone I want to know that you'll all be taken care of, have a family in each other. You know your mother wanted you to be close."
Colin immediately stood up from his chair, toppling it on its back. He didn't say anything, just stood there with his hands in fists, glaring hatefully at Lionel. All of a sudden the air in the room was suffocating, and Lex felt wary of even breathing too deeply lest that push them all over the brink. Colin looked ready to rip off someone's head, and his entire body was quivering with suppressed rage, all apparently directed at their father.
I think it's impossible not to hate Lionel in that moment for saying what he did. I also think it's perfectly in character for him to say it when and to whom he did. And of course he doesn't believe a word of it. He's not stupid or sentimental. He knows he's the reason Lex and Lin are at odds. He knows his wife would be horrified and likely take a dull knife to his Johnson for all he's done to these kids (Lucky included), but he has no problem using whatever he has to in order to get the upper hand. Don't forget either that Lionel knows Lin very, very well at this point. He knows exactly which buttons to push to get the desired reaction, which in this case is mission: abort and driving Lin from the room so no further interaction can occur between Lex and Lin and to a certain extent Julian.
Lionel wanted to spin Lin's origins to Lex and Lian, making him out to be a bad seed needing a strict eye and firm hand yadda yadda yadda, only he was interrupted by Lin's candor, which cast our alien in a different, more tortured and sympathetic light-and so Lionel decided to call it quits. Needling Lin about Lillian, whom he'd worshipped as a kid, was one of the more expedient and less messy ways of going about things.
Suddenly the tension broke and Colin turned around on his heel, jerked open the door, and summarily left. He didn't slam the door, which Lex was expecting. After all, the kid was 15, right smack dab in the middle of the storm of hormones and teenage angst. Considering testosterone overload seemed to have just occurred with that strange standoff between his father and Colin, Lex wouldn't have really blamed him if he'd slammed a door or two. Lex himself had done far worse when he was that age, and he hadn't just been yanked out of school all together, either.
Oh, my Lord, is that sympathy and empathy?! See, it's like riding a bike. Lex can't help but fall back into that protective mentality around Lin and Lian. Plus, no, he doesn't know the full extent of what's going on between Lin and Lionel, but he does know what he went through and certainly doesn't imagine it's all balloons and cotton candy in that household. I figure, best guess, Lex thought Lin might get hit and much more likely verbally abused by Lionel. He looked for signs of that in Lian and only found traces of the latter, but Lin is older. .. But by no means did Lex ever contemplate the rest. It would be so far out of the realm of possibility.
Colin had always been home-schooled until just a few months ago, when he was enrolled in Excelsior Academy for Boys. It was the same school Lex had attended when he was young, but it seemed that the tradition would not continue, for which Lex was thankful. That meant dear Julian wouldn't have to suffer through that particular hellhole. At least one of them might turn out semi-normal.
HA! Nope! You're all fucked!
Ahem.
"Well, Dad, care to let us in on the 'secret' of what that was about?" Lex asked innocently.
Thus concludes our travel back in time! I had fun! Anyone else? Any other chapters (or posts) of fic you want to see commentary on?