drunken post follow up: coherence!
now that i'm no longer under the influence of (an obviously stupid-making amount of) vodka, i am in a much better position to comment on my bart train experience.
mister pickup artist started out ok, just making conversation. i hadn't been looking for talk, but i had no time to get my shields (that is, my book and my ipod) in place before he engaged me. plus, i was still in being-around-people-so-make-like-an-extrovert mode and started to reply before i realized what i was doing. it was definitely a two-strangers-on-bart conversation: the nice night, what our respective evenings had held, what we do for work, that kind of thing. at some point, though, he started to ask me more about my massage business, and soon thereafter his entire demeanor changed -- posture, voice, facial expression, all of it. he became kind of slimy and leering, in a way that he apparently thought was smooth, like a suave and sophisticated ladies' man. it wasn't so much what he said, but more the way he said it, with a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, and a "you know what i mean?" thrown in for good measure.
you can plainly see that there was no way i could say NO when he pressed his business card into my hand, right? sadly, i had given my last card out earlier in the day (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and so could not give him one of mine in return. when he got off the train, he commanded me to "call me. don't forget you have my card!"
you can tell by my stupid drunken posting last night that i was too incoherent to make sense of my (lack of) response under the circumstances, but i think i'm better now. :) i do want to get some of my thoughts recorded...that's the point of this post.
* amusement: i was asking myself "is this guy for real? does he actually think this approach works?" and answering my own questions "yes and yes."
* curiosity: what is it about me that attracts guys like him? it can't be that i was drunk and therefore easy prey because i've been hit on in similar ways before, no alcohol involved. i will note, however, that i NEVER get this kind of attention when i wear my hair in a less girly, more manly or boyish way (i.e., shaved, crew cut, faux hawk). now that i'm growing my hair out again, i'm getting flirted with, asked out, and hit on quite frequently. (i am irritated by this phenomenon, but that's a topic for another post. maybe.)
* frustration and despair: does this experience (and the others like it) mean that i continue to attract men of low quality despite the fact that i've been working hard the last few years to improve myself and my life? i can attract (and keep, so far) quality friends, why can't i attract quality mens?! am i doing something wrong?
* anger: partly at him, because of his obvious cluelessness. but mostly at myself, for not telling him off, for not putting him in his place. what's wrong with saying bluntly, honestly, that you're not interested? why go along in (partial) silence, smiling as though what he's saying is appropriate and a-ok? self, not everyone has to like you. in fact, it might be better to let inappropriately lecherous people know not to mess with you. then maybe the universe wouldn't send them your way!
mister pickup artist started out ok, just making conversation. i hadn't been looking for talk, but i had no time to get my shields (that is, my book and my ipod) in place before he engaged me. plus, i was still in being-around-people-so-make-like-an-extrovert mode and started to reply before i realized what i was doing. it was definitely a two-strangers-on-bart conversation: the nice night, what our respective evenings had held, what we do for work, that kind of thing. at some point, though, he started to ask me more about my massage business, and soon thereafter his entire demeanor changed -- posture, voice, facial expression, all of it. he became kind of slimy and leering, in a way that he apparently thought was smooth, like a suave and sophisticated ladies' man. it wasn't so much what he said, but more the way he said it, with a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, and a "you know what i mean?" thrown in for good measure.
you can plainly see that there was no way i could say NO when he pressed his business card into my hand, right? sadly, i had given my last card out earlier in the day (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and so could not give him one of mine in return. when he got off the train, he commanded me to "call me. don't forget you have my card!"
you can tell by my stupid drunken posting last night that i was too incoherent to make sense of my (lack of) response under the circumstances, but i think i'm better now. :) i do want to get some of my thoughts recorded...that's the point of this post.
* amusement: i was asking myself "is this guy for real? does he actually think this approach works?" and answering my own questions "yes and yes."
* curiosity: what is it about me that attracts guys like him? it can't be that i was drunk and therefore easy prey because i've been hit on in similar ways before, no alcohol involved. i will note, however, that i NEVER get this kind of attention when i wear my hair in a less girly, more manly or boyish way (i.e., shaved, crew cut, faux hawk). now that i'm growing my hair out again, i'm getting flirted with, asked out, and hit on quite frequently. (i am irritated by this phenomenon, but that's a topic for another post. maybe.)
* frustration and despair: does this experience (and the others like it) mean that i continue to attract men of low quality despite the fact that i've been working hard the last few years to improve myself and my life? i can attract (and keep, so far) quality friends, why can't i attract quality mens?! am i doing something wrong?
* anger: partly at him, because of his obvious cluelessness. but mostly at myself, for not telling him off, for not putting him in his place. what's wrong with saying bluntly, honestly, that you're not interested? why go along in (partial) silence, smiling as though what he's saying is appropriate and a-ok? self, not everyone has to like you. in fact, it might be better to let inappropriately lecherous people know not to mess with you. then maybe the universe wouldn't send them your way!