clinic days are very long
sometimes i wonder if i'm physically and mentally strong enough to handle a full-time homeopathic practice. so so tired right now.
after clinic this evening, i gave my BART ticket plus a few dollars to a random stranger who stopped me on university, showed me a BART ticket with too little funds on it to even get him into the station, and then rolled up his coat sleeve to show me the hospital bracelet on his left wrist. he'd just been released, he said, but he and his wife (who was up the street a little ways doing the same thing?) didn't have any money to make it home.
during our exchange all i could think about was how awful it'd be to be in a situation where you're having to beg a fucking ride home after just getting out of the hospital. and i was happy i had the goods to help him out.
afterwards, as is usual in these situations, doubt (and cynicism) crept up on me. did i just get taken in by a story? should i have asked to inspect his hospital bracelet? i mean, i know people who would have done that, at the very least, before even considering his request for help. but my tendency is to take people at face value. and i like it that i'm that way. what i don't like is thinking about the downside of that aspect of my personality -- specifically, how gullible it makes me. is it better to be "not taken" or is it better to feel like you helped someone out (regardless of whether the "help" was spent in the way you thought it would be)? i honestly do not know.
but i needed to document the eternal warring of my emotional side with my mental side in these cases.
after clinic this evening, i gave my BART ticket plus a few dollars to a random stranger who stopped me on university, showed me a BART ticket with too little funds on it to even get him into the station, and then rolled up his coat sleeve to show me the hospital bracelet on his left wrist. he'd just been released, he said, but he and his wife (who was up the street a little ways doing the same thing?) didn't have any money to make it home.
during our exchange all i could think about was how awful it'd be to be in a situation where you're having to beg a fucking ride home after just getting out of the hospital. and i was happy i had the goods to help him out.
afterwards, as is usual in these situations, doubt (and cynicism) crept up on me. did i just get taken in by a story? should i have asked to inspect his hospital bracelet? i mean, i know people who would have done that, at the very least, before even considering his request for help. but my tendency is to take people at face value. and i like it that i'm that way. what i don't like is thinking about the downside of that aspect of my personality -- specifically, how gullible it makes me. is it better to be "not taken" or is it better to feel like you helped someone out (regardless of whether the "help" was spent in the way you thought it would be)? i honestly do not know.
but i needed to document the eternal warring of my emotional side with my mental side in these cases.