On the other end of the pendulum...
I rarely remember to blog this but the past few days have seen a swing in the other direction for the Tosh/Peter/Austin tale.
We chatted the other night. At the end he caught me rather offguard.
Peter
kissess
one last thing: I was telling Michael that you are the ONLY person in the world who understands and accepts me for exactly how I am. Its the basis for my interest in getting you here
I hope that helps you know how much I care
toshio alan mana
Wow.
it kinda floors me
Peter
thats why i want you to get beyond your self doubt. ok, good night, love.
That provoked a number of interesting responses. (A little bit of ... pity? that no one else understands him among others.) But the crucial one being that I felt a lot more desired by him. Maybe even a touch "needed". Those are what I've been needing more of and I think he's finally understanding.
Wednesday - my long day of teaching - everything became a couple notches more real. I was sitting there during a lesson with one of my trouble students. There was this sudden realization that I will *not* be seeing any of them this coming school year.
Normally I suppose I would be happy given my trouble students. But there was this moment of panic. "Am I ready?!? Am I abandoning them?!? Am I...?!?!" It was somewhat short-lived. But it was there and an interesting little feeling.
Tonight was simply another night where I really wanted to be going home to him. To walk in the door, maybe give him a hug 'n squeeze 'n kiss. But mostly just to have his presence at hand.
I still have a bit of anxiety on hand - financial concerns, co-ordination concerns. Yet I think the most pressing feeling is just a desire to get moving - to get this next chapter started.
We chatted the other night. At the end he caught me rather offguard.
Peter
kissess
one last thing: I was telling Michael that you are the ONLY person in the world who understands and accepts me for exactly how I am. Its the basis for my interest in getting you here
I hope that helps you know how much I care
toshio alan mana
Wow.
it kinda floors me
Peter
thats why i want you to get beyond your self doubt. ok, good night, love.
That provoked a number of interesting responses. (A little bit of ... pity? that no one else understands him among others.) But the crucial one being that I felt a lot more desired by him. Maybe even a touch "needed". Those are what I've been needing more of and I think he's finally understanding.
Wednesday - my long day of teaching - everything became a couple notches more real. I was sitting there during a lesson with one of my trouble students. There was this sudden realization that I will *not* be seeing any of them this coming school year.
Normally I suppose I would be happy given my trouble students. But there was this moment of panic. "Am I ready?!? Am I abandoning them?!? Am I...?!?!" It was somewhat short-lived. But it was there and an interesting little feeling.
Tonight was simply another night where I really wanted to be going home to him. To walk in the door, maybe give him a hug 'n squeeze 'n kiss. But mostly just to have his presence at hand.
I still have a bit of anxiety on hand - financial concerns, co-ordination concerns. Yet I think the most pressing feeling is just a desire to get moving - to get this next chapter started.