Pressure Points

[redmagnetic]

I don't have a problem with aging. I have never felt better in my physical body. Health is peaking and riding. Sex drive is nearly animal status and at times, uncontrollable, manic. Desire is blooming like a cut. I have a ripe welling of passion and interest in everything. What is that thing that leaves me feeling a profound sadness when I look

Comments

[gingit]

w -
it's great to get onto journal and see your post. it's been so long since i've seen you. i didn't know about your psychic abilities - i am infatuated with that gift, and happy that you have it. i love this post because it summarizes you in the perfect way, for someone like me who doesn't lj very often. i wanted to comment on forgiveness. my spiritual values have changed drastically over the past years, leaving me with an enormous existential dilemma that i battle daily. but i have a story for you. my dad left my mom when i was 8 and i never felt like he spent enough time with me in high school. i hated him. felt unimportant and unloved. hated him for several years. finally i couldn't live with the hate. i made a point to pray EVERY SINGLE day that I would forgive him. I prayed every morning and night for over a year. and i remember the day that forgiveness came like it was yesterday. one morning i awoke to sunshine and a light heart. and i knew. it was gone. it was the most amazing feeling of lightness and completion. i no longer really believe it was because God or Christ answered my prayers, like I did back then, but now I believe that prayer unites your mind with the universe, with all that is spiritual and good, and it tells your subconscious mind how to feel. if you tell your mind every day that you want forgiveness, it will believe you, and it will do it's magic and subconsciously work everything out. i can promise this, as it happened for me so long ago. my beliefs about prayer and meditation have changed and flourished partially from "the power of your subconscious mind" by joseph murphy. hope this helps you, and i can't wait to hear how you feel once resolved. i am proud of your orchids - there is a chapter that correlates your mind to a garden. you will like it.

[redmagnetic]

Hi, Erika. It was really nice to find your response last week. I really don't get on here very much at all and I have been pretty disconnected to my writing mind. My paper journal is quite bare lately and when I finally decide to focus, I feel very overwhelmed with where to begin. I can't really write when anyone is around or in my space. I'm still at home with my little one though Sylvan is in school all day. It's still home school around here five days a week. After they go to bed, I'm having personal time with my guy and well, it seems I can never carve out the time to really chip away at some of my unconscious dilemmas. Have so much I am inspired about and so much I want to do that it leaves me frayed. I appreciate your taking the time to reply and touch on forgiveness. It's such a major theme for me in the last five years. Without divulging too much, it is the residual of the emotional and physical traumas I experienced with Sylvan's dad. You remember John? I had some similar issues with the guy I was with just before John and I immediately bounced from one traumatic relationship to another. Even though John and I were together for 7 years, 5 of those were very good and so I focused on that on the rebound and tucked the previous one under the way. And after the thing with John ended in SHAMBLES I had to immediately pick myself up and get all put back together to move to Norman and be a single mom (however you do that!) Three months later, I totaled my car, broke my ankle on both sides, fractured my jaw in three places, had surgery and my jaw wired shut. Now therein lies forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others. Avoiding blame is impossible, and acceptance and humility quite painful. GAH! Thank you for your reading suggestion. I think it sounds like a wonderful book and I will keep it in my queue. Just because I have the ability to see into the future and decode life for others usually means that I lack foresight into my own best. I do find it healing to help heal others, but can leave me feel exhausted and unfulfilled with myself when I am alone in my quiet mind. It would be very nice to see you next time you come through Oklahoma, if you haven't entirely outgrown us! I am super excited for Amanda's visit in April and am looking forward to it already! All best, and congratulations on your engagement!