(no subject)
Im a dreamer.
its what i do;i dream.
i flinch at the word 'reality'.
even as a little kid,instead of facing the troubles before myself&my family...i dreamt.
it took me away and i felt fine--even if for only a moment.
it never occured to me that i was running from reality.
i relied on it as a habitual drug.
but i never really saw how it affected my life.
until now.
ive spent the past 20 years dreaming& its gotten me no where.
i never became something special like my teachers said i would.
i come up short on most occasions.
but i always try.
"try"
you say that there is no trying.
no success in trying.
you either do it or you dont.
im starting to think your right.
the past few days has been spent disgustingly.
running away from my thoughts and every now&again theres a moment ungaurded.
thats the moment every thought ive blocked comes flooding in.
its so conflicting.
im hot,im cold.
im ok,im troubled.
its really quite annoying.
ive never been so willing to get away from myself.
ive never wanted change so badly.
Even with all that has been lost,there is still so much to be gained.
&if nothing else,that makes the sun a little brighter each day.
its time for me to grow up a little bit more.
theres always room for improvment.
little by little im facing things,realitys a bitch....
but so am i.
im a strong person with a head full ideas&a heart full of passion.
theres no reason for me to be down on the ground with no hopes to get up again.
i remember all those years i had a smile plastered on my face and everything was puppy dogs&rainbows.
in theory, that sounds nice.
living a life full of ignorant bliss.
i tell ya,dreaming is a drug,not only figuratively,but literally as well.
[[DMT,joshua,that reference is for you ;] ]]
i dont remember alot of things that my sisters&brother do.
i dont remember most of my childhood.
i was hooked[[if you will]] on those dreams.
& you know what ? im done chasing them.
everyone has a that definitive point in their life,when you just say to yrself 'what the fuck am i doing ?'
so stephanie,what the fuck are you doing ?
[excuse my language.]
im done playing with all the ideas of success&happiness.
im gunna fucking grab them& show em who's boss.
if i keep holding onto dreams,im never gunna 'be'.
i dont know where ill be tomorrow,i dont know what ill be doing in a month.
[i understand now.]
right now i dont know exactly whats best for me,but i see an open door.
so excuse me while i open it.
its what i do;i dream.
i flinch at the word 'reality'.
even as a little kid,instead of facing the troubles before myself&my family...i dreamt.
it took me away and i felt fine--even if for only a moment.
it never occured to me that i was running from reality.
i relied on it as a habitual drug.
but i never really saw how it affected my life.
until now.
ive spent the past 20 years dreaming& its gotten me no where.
i never became something special like my teachers said i would.
i come up short on most occasions.
but i always try.
"try"
you say that there is no trying.
no success in trying.
you either do it or you dont.
im starting to think your right.
the past few days has been spent disgustingly.
running away from my thoughts and every now&again theres a moment ungaurded.
thats the moment every thought ive blocked comes flooding in.
its so conflicting.
im hot,im cold.
im ok,im troubled.
its really quite annoying.
ive never been so willing to get away from myself.
ive never wanted change so badly.
Even with all that has been lost,there is still so much to be gained.
&if nothing else,that makes the sun a little brighter each day.
its time for me to grow up a little bit more.
theres always room for improvment.
little by little im facing things,realitys a bitch....
but so am i.
im a strong person with a head full ideas&a heart full of passion.
theres no reason for me to be down on the ground with no hopes to get up again.
i remember all those years i had a smile plastered on my face and everything was puppy dogs&rainbows.
in theory, that sounds nice.
living a life full of ignorant bliss.
i tell ya,dreaming is a drug,not only figuratively,but literally as well.
[[DMT,joshua,that reference is for you ;] ]]
i dont remember alot of things that my sisters&brother do.
i dont remember most of my childhood.
i was hooked[[if you will]] on those dreams.
& you know what ? im done chasing them.
everyone has a that definitive point in their life,when you just say to yrself 'what the fuck am i doing ?'
so stephanie,what the fuck are you doing ?
[excuse my language.]
im done playing with all the ideas of success&happiness.
im gunna fucking grab them& show em who's boss.
if i keep holding onto dreams,im never gunna 'be'.
i dont know where ill be tomorrow,i dont know what ill be doing in a month.
[i understand now.]
right now i dont know exactly whats best for me,but i see an open door.
so excuse me while i open it.