chapter 1
i'm writing a book, called "why we don't have friends". here is the first chapter: late november
locking the doors, we left the car and shot our eyes towards the top of the hill before quickly glancing behind us at the darker clouds that were floating away. it was supposedly going to rain pretty hard, but nevertheless we had made up our minds to see the city before the autumn's end. it was late november and so we pressed onwards up the dull slope.
emilia had convinced me to spend that afternoon with her, although we both knew i didn't really have the time. as usual i was driving her home when she said, "why don't we do something before i go home?" and i had naively replied "...sure, but what is there to do? i'm sure we've done pretty much everything before." somewhat unexpectedly she looked at me and smiled (mostly she turns her head away and frowns). then before i could make it any clearer that i didn't want to really do anything but go home and collapse on the first soft spot she innocently spit it out, "let's go to the reservoir. we haven't been there in forever, and its nice out." of course i always fell for this, feeling that there was no reason to deny such an innocent request, "i'd love to, i didn't even think about that." it's true, i never did.
the reservoir is an interesting place. when i was little i had gone there to sled, because it had seemed the largest hill around. and when your little, everything seems large, and as you get older things slowly shrink and shrink. but not so with the reservoir, it seemed to get taller and steeper - especially today. maybe it was the deceiving length of the walk, or maybe it was the especially chilly wind, but whatever it was the whole reservoir seemed more stoic.
we were walking along the reservoir, and the blustery weather had stirred waves into the water. geese bobbed up and down, and i wondered out loud "why don't they float to one side of the reservoir?" because i really had no idea how they managed to stay put in one place all while the choppy water appeared to push them. my friend replied, "they are moving, you're just not paying close enough attention. why does it matter, anyhow?"
when you walk along the reservoir it looks like a miniature pool, and the unnatural color that glows from it reaffirms this unsettling feeling. it almost feels as though it is bottomless, the way that the water gets darker and darker the deeper down you try to strain to see. but as you walk up the hill next to the water, you see more and more of it. soon it stops looking like a pool, and starts to look like a miniature lake. its kind of like seeing lakes from an airplane, or maybe the way the Great Lakes look from outer space.
so as emilia and i walked up the steep green hill it was as though we were walking into outer space, as though we were walking off the earth. and when we looked ahead of us, all we could see were the rolling clouds with patches of sun glimmering through every now and then. we aimed for these patches, these gateways out of the earth. the clouds were blowing overhead pretty fast, and it felt like we were already off the surface of the earth, and already beginning to leave the atmosphere. i hesitated to look behind at the water below us, afraid that if i looked the earth would notice and would yank me back down to her.
by now my friend had abandoned me, she had opted for the easier way up the hill, along a dirt path that was twice as long, and that didn't give the feeling of climbing off the earth. i always sought an escape, and this was an opportune moment for me to feel not apart of the surface world. it was a chance to feel apart of the sky, a chance to feel that i was climbing a hill that had ripped itself away from the earth and was hurtling ever closer to the hidden wonders that lay behind the clouds above. i lay down on my back for a moment's rest, my head facing down the hill, my legs up towards the sky. my body felt detached, and because i couldn't see the hill below me i only saw the sky. and when i looked down at my feet all i could see was the sky, and the wind blew across my chin and my hair whipped in the wind. for a moment i thought i had been tossed off the hill and was not tumbling head first through the air. "if i'm lucky," i thought "i'll fall off the earth, and i can go on feeling entirely free and alone for as long as i please. and if i decide i'm tired of feeling like that, i can pretend i'm sinking to the bottom of an ocean. it'll be perfect, really." but suddenly a large rain drop fell on my nose, and startled i jumped and rolled a little ways down the hill. i began to walk back into the sky.
but now it appeared someone had beaten me to this mystic land behind the clouds. emilia was waving at me from atop my flying hillside, and i scrambled the last couple of yards and wrapped my arms around her. she stood somewhat limp for a moment, and then grasped me firmly. "this is my hilltop, but i'll share it with you for a little while at least" i whispered into her ear. she let go and looked down at the water that lay below, and then at the blurred city that lay far off in the distance. we both looked for a minute or two, before it began to sprinkle something wet. i didn't know it rained up here above the clouds, up here so close to the sun.
"i guess it isn't as perfect as i had hoped." i said, and emilia threw herself down the hill, and rolled rather gracefully. i followed, but had the unfortunate fate to tumble in no graceful manner.
at the bottom we both were soaked and rather sore all over.
it stopped raining.
locking the doors, we left the car and shot our eyes towards the top of the hill before quickly glancing behind us at the darker clouds that were floating away. it was supposedly going to rain pretty hard, but nevertheless we had made up our minds to see the city before the autumn's end. it was late november and so we pressed onwards up the dull slope.
emilia had convinced me to spend that afternoon with her, although we both knew i didn't really have the time. as usual i was driving her home when she said, "why don't we do something before i go home?" and i had naively replied "...sure, but what is there to do? i'm sure we've done pretty much everything before." somewhat unexpectedly she looked at me and smiled (mostly she turns her head away and frowns). then before i could make it any clearer that i didn't want to really do anything but go home and collapse on the first soft spot she innocently spit it out, "let's go to the reservoir. we haven't been there in forever, and its nice out." of course i always fell for this, feeling that there was no reason to deny such an innocent request, "i'd love to, i didn't even think about that." it's true, i never did.
the reservoir is an interesting place. when i was little i had gone there to sled, because it had seemed the largest hill around. and when your little, everything seems large, and as you get older things slowly shrink and shrink. but not so with the reservoir, it seemed to get taller and steeper - especially today. maybe it was the deceiving length of the walk, or maybe it was the especially chilly wind, but whatever it was the whole reservoir seemed more stoic.
we were walking along the reservoir, and the blustery weather had stirred waves into the water. geese bobbed up and down, and i wondered out loud "why don't they float to one side of the reservoir?" because i really had no idea how they managed to stay put in one place all while the choppy water appeared to push them. my friend replied, "they are moving, you're just not paying close enough attention. why does it matter, anyhow?"
when you walk along the reservoir it looks like a miniature pool, and the unnatural color that glows from it reaffirms this unsettling feeling. it almost feels as though it is bottomless, the way that the water gets darker and darker the deeper down you try to strain to see. but as you walk up the hill next to the water, you see more and more of it. soon it stops looking like a pool, and starts to look like a miniature lake. its kind of like seeing lakes from an airplane, or maybe the way the Great Lakes look from outer space.
so as emilia and i walked up the steep green hill it was as though we were walking into outer space, as though we were walking off the earth. and when we looked ahead of us, all we could see were the rolling clouds with patches of sun glimmering through every now and then. we aimed for these patches, these gateways out of the earth. the clouds were blowing overhead pretty fast, and it felt like we were already off the surface of the earth, and already beginning to leave the atmosphere. i hesitated to look behind at the water below us, afraid that if i looked the earth would notice and would yank me back down to her.
by now my friend had abandoned me, she had opted for the easier way up the hill, along a dirt path that was twice as long, and that didn't give the feeling of climbing off the earth. i always sought an escape, and this was an opportune moment for me to feel not apart of the surface world. it was a chance to feel apart of the sky, a chance to feel that i was climbing a hill that had ripped itself away from the earth and was hurtling ever closer to the hidden wonders that lay behind the clouds above. i lay down on my back for a moment's rest, my head facing down the hill, my legs up towards the sky. my body felt detached, and because i couldn't see the hill below me i only saw the sky. and when i looked down at my feet all i could see was the sky, and the wind blew across my chin and my hair whipped in the wind. for a moment i thought i had been tossed off the hill and was not tumbling head first through the air. "if i'm lucky," i thought "i'll fall off the earth, and i can go on feeling entirely free and alone for as long as i please. and if i decide i'm tired of feeling like that, i can pretend i'm sinking to the bottom of an ocean. it'll be perfect, really." but suddenly a large rain drop fell on my nose, and startled i jumped and rolled a little ways down the hill. i began to walk back into the sky.
but now it appeared someone had beaten me to this mystic land behind the clouds. emilia was waving at me from atop my flying hillside, and i scrambled the last couple of yards and wrapped my arms around her. she stood somewhat limp for a moment, and then grasped me firmly. "this is my hilltop, but i'll share it with you for a little while at least" i whispered into her ear. she let go and looked down at the water that lay below, and then at the blurred city that lay far off in the distance. we both looked for a minute or two, before it began to sprinkle something wet. i didn't know it rained up here above the clouds, up here so close to the sun.
"i guess it isn't as perfect as i had hoped." i said, and emilia threw herself down the hill, and rolled rather gracefully. i followed, but had the unfortunate fate to tumble in no graceful manner.
at the bottom we both were soaked and rather sore all over.
it stopped raining.