San Jose is home

May 12, 2012 21:04


I've been reading about high sensitivity in children, specifically a book called The Highly Sensitive Child and it's helping me understand my experience as a mom sooo much better (Marlo's definitely a HSC). It's also shedding a lot of light on me as a sensitive person which is changing the way I conceptualize a lot of my attributes, challenges and choices. I have to say that this new information has really lightened my load in terms of anxiety, guilt and general confusion. It's especially good timing as we just made a trip to LA to reconnect with friends and to check in with our old life there. I was immediately struck by the sensory overload of LA and noticed very distinctly how all of the noise, the crowds, traffic and general attitude of the people bombards my nervous system in a way that makes me more anxious and tired. It felt amazing to me to have a new way of understanding what has always felt "off" to me about living in LA - why I never could settle or feel as ease in the 20 plus years I lived there. It's just not the right place for a person who is wired the way I am. It's not for me, not at this time. Though I definitely miss the depth and creativity of the inhabitants there and probably always will. Artistry is just not thriving in San Jose like it is in LA.

It's a big deal for me to have arrived at that conclusion and I'm so grateful to know this about myself. Arriving in San Jose this afternoon felt good! I think I can now choose to be here with a different attitude of appreciation. And I'm interested to explore the possibility that another place might suit my sensitive self even better! I also am able to really appreciate what a better environment this is for Marlo. The first thing she said when we got out of the car in LA was "loud!". She also volunteered that she likes this home better than the one in LA. She's got such a good life here and it feels wonderful to be able to give it to her. I just wanted to record these thoughts before they're gone...

Happy Mothers Day to all you moms.

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