Is this it?
Okay, you all should know by now that I'm not a religious freak. I don't go around quoting the bible, or preaching on street corners. Heck, I'm not even the type of person to casually wish someone a "blessed day". But, having been raised Catholic, it's really hard to completely turn away from the Church.
So, since it's Lent, I have been doing my best to get to Church every weekend. Since I work on Sundays, I have been going to Mass on Saturday afternoons. It kind of messes up the weekend, a little, but I don't mind. Heck, it gives me something to do.
About that, "having something to do" bit. Not only am I unemployed, but I have a rather mild social life, AND I haven't had a boyfriend of any consequence for a few years. So, yeah, I have nothing to do!
On Saturday, when I went to church, the homily was all about accepting what God had given you. Basically, whatever was most abundant in your life, whatever you were struggling with, had been given to you by God. This is something that you should then accept, and make part of your life, and learn to love.
WHAT????
The thing that is most prevalent in my life is that I'm alone! That no one loves me enough to want to be with me. That I can't keep a boyfriend. That I'm terrified that I'll die alone.
Is this supposed to be my gift from God? Is this the thing that I'm supposed to embrace as part of my life and learn to love? Does this mean that I'm supposed to ... to what ... join a convent, and live out my life in poverty, seclusion, and prayer?
Golly, I sure hope not! Like I said before, I'm not that devout of a Catholic. I would no make a good Nun.
And I know I would go nuts as a spinster! I am already board beyond belief of making meals for one. I already have one cat. I have no (real) plans to get any more. I do NOT want to really become a crazy cat lady.
I want a husband, and - maybe - a family. I want to make dinners for more people than just myself. I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I want to come home to someone, or be the person he comes home to. I want someone to be here to take care of me when I'm sick, and I want to take care of that person when he is sick.
If it's my destiny to be alone, why does that make me so sad? Why does that idea make me feel like such a failure?
This can't be right. It just cant!
So, since it's Lent, I have been doing my best to get to Church every weekend. Since I work on Sundays, I have been going to Mass on Saturday afternoons. It kind of messes up the weekend, a little, but I don't mind. Heck, it gives me something to do.
About that, "having something to do" bit. Not only am I unemployed, but I have a rather mild social life, AND I haven't had a boyfriend of any consequence for a few years. So, yeah, I have nothing to do!
On Saturday, when I went to church, the homily was all about accepting what God had given you. Basically, whatever was most abundant in your life, whatever you were struggling with, had been given to you by God. This is something that you should then accept, and make part of your life, and learn to love.
WHAT????
The thing that is most prevalent in my life is that I'm alone! That no one loves me enough to want to be with me. That I can't keep a boyfriend. That I'm terrified that I'll die alone.
Is this supposed to be my gift from God? Is this the thing that I'm supposed to embrace as part of my life and learn to love? Does this mean that I'm supposed to ... to what ... join a convent, and live out my life in poverty, seclusion, and prayer?
Golly, I sure hope not! Like I said before, I'm not that devout of a Catholic. I would no make a good Nun.
And I know I would go nuts as a spinster! I am already board beyond belief of making meals for one. I already have one cat. I have no (real) plans to get any more. I do NOT want to really become a crazy cat lady.
I want a husband, and - maybe - a family. I want to make dinners for more people than just myself. I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I want to come home to someone, or be the person he comes home to. I want someone to be here to take care of me when I'm sick, and I want to take care of that person when he is sick.
If it's my destiny to be alone, why does that make me so sad? Why does that idea make me feel like such a failure?
This can't be right. It just cant!