What Dreams May Come
Recently I had a very odd dream. Many things were happening, but what I remember vividly was that I was in a building, at an event, where a lot of other people were. 2 of those people were my ex-boyfriend and his new wife.
In the dream, my ex’s face was very recognizable, while his wife (who I have actually met) was not the right face. But that doesn’t matter. What mattered to me was that they were at this event, and I was not happy about it. They were walking around, talking to people, making conversation, and I was watching all of this - Horrified! I was mad, and very uncomfortable that they were there.
Next thing I knew, I was on this cement patio/terrace-like area of the building, with a bunch of different levels, and steps going down to a lawn-ish area. All of a sudden, the patio caught on fire! I started screaming for help. I can’t remember if I was screaming for my ex to come rescue me, or if I was just screaming for help in general. Then, my ex, dressed all in black, came swinging in (yes, swinging ion… like Tarzan) and landed on the patio near me. He stood there, looking all heroic and ready for action, like he expected a big reaction from me. I looked at him, nonchalantly addressed him and said hi, and walked away because I noticed that the fire was not as bad as I had thought… it was just really small flames, and seemed to be far away.
He next thing I remember was that I had him cornered - up against a wall - and was screaming at him, pointing my finger in his face to make my point. He was quiet and watching me.
I only remember a little bit of what I said, and this was very close to his face, and very loud and vicious; “I hope only bad things happen to you (for the rest of your life) until you come back to me!”
When I woke up, I was in a horrible funk! I was sad, and lethargic, and got upset easily.
I took a long walk to a friend’s house. When I finally told her about my dream, I felt a tiny bit better. Like a small portion of a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I don’t feel like I have had complete “closure”. I still feel very hurt and humiliated by what he did to me. I look back on my relationship with him and I hate myself for the way I acted, the way I lived, the way I let him treat me.
I keep trying to move forward, but it hurts SO much. Granted, he has moved to a different part of the country, and I’m glad that he is not so close by. But I think about what I wanted with him, what I still don’t have, and what he has with someone else, and I get very sad and feel like a failure… both in relationships and in work.
I’m so lonely, and I want so badly to have a boyfriend, but then I’m scared that I will just get my heart shattered again.
Why is love so illusive?
In the dream, my ex’s face was very recognizable, while his wife (who I have actually met) was not the right face. But that doesn’t matter. What mattered to me was that they were at this event, and I was not happy about it. They were walking around, talking to people, making conversation, and I was watching all of this - Horrified! I was mad, and very uncomfortable that they were there.
Next thing I knew, I was on this cement patio/terrace-like area of the building, with a bunch of different levels, and steps going down to a lawn-ish area. All of a sudden, the patio caught on fire! I started screaming for help. I can’t remember if I was screaming for my ex to come rescue me, or if I was just screaming for help in general. Then, my ex, dressed all in black, came swinging in (yes, swinging ion… like Tarzan) and landed on the patio near me. He stood there, looking all heroic and ready for action, like he expected a big reaction from me. I looked at him, nonchalantly addressed him and said hi, and walked away because I noticed that the fire was not as bad as I had thought… it was just really small flames, and seemed to be far away.
He next thing I remember was that I had him cornered - up against a wall - and was screaming at him, pointing my finger in his face to make my point. He was quiet and watching me.
I only remember a little bit of what I said, and this was very close to his face, and very loud and vicious; “I hope only bad things happen to you (for the rest of your life) until you come back to me!”
When I woke up, I was in a horrible funk! I was sad, and lethargic, and got upset easily.
I took a long walk to a friend’s house. When I finally told her about my dream, I felt a tiny bit better. Like a small portion of a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I don’t feel like I have had complete “closure”. I still feel very hurt and humiliated by what he did to me. I look back on my relationship with him and I hate myself for the way I acted, the way I lived, the way I let him treat me.
I keep trying to move forward, but it hurts SO much. Granted, he has moved to a different part of the country, and I’m glad that he is not so close by. But I think about what I wanted with him, what I still don’t have, and what he has with someone else, and I get very sad and feel like a failure… both in relationships and in work.
I’m so lonely, and I want so badly to have a boyfriend, but then I’m scared that I will just get my heart shattered again.
Why is love so illusive?