Light/Dark Synchronicity.
The synchronistic pattern of Dr. Jesse/Steve continues to be consistent. I think I want to make a timeline and map the entire thing out, as I find the whole thing quite interesting.
Two Saturdays ago, after my energy work class with Dr. Jesse, I saw Steve on the bus on the way home. I ignored him, as I'm pretty sure he ignored me as well. I felt compelled to talk to him but didn't know what to say, so I pretended I didn't know he was there. We sat probably six feet apart.
That was the last time I saw Steve until tonight. My second and final energy work class is tomorrow morning. Tonight I had walked up to Meijer to get some groceries. I was planning on taking bottles back, but had forgotten to take them with me. So, after walking all the way home and dropping off the groceries, I grabbed the bottles and headed right back up there. As I approached the entrance, I realized that Steve was on his way out the exit. Once again, I pretended not to see him. We walked right by each other. I could feel his energy directed towards me, but I just kept walking. I almost immediately felt terrible about it. I was caught quite off guard and once again, didn't know what to say. Almost every time I think about what I should do or what I should say to him, I find myself filling with resentment and even hostility.
So, synchronicity-wise, the pattern from the following week makes a double-stacked Steve sammich (in which Dr. Jesse is the bread). Dr. Jesse/Steve(two weeks)Steve/Dr. Jesse.
I am pretty sure that Steve never left the garage, even after I told him to find some place else to be. No matter how much resentment I may have felt, I just couldn't bring myself to lock him out or remove his belongings. Part of this is because I know in my heart that the resentment I feel is not even really because of him. He may be the catalyst, but this is clearly my issue. I don't think it is fair for me to say that Steve's presence in my life is "dark synchronicity". There may be a lot of negativity associated with the situation, but it is ultimately just another challenge to overcome my own inner obstacles and come out on the other side a more refined person. If I didn't look at it as a challenge, I could just keep ignoring it. I could just let myself stay the way I am. I could allow myself to disregard the accumulative flaws of my reactions to this situation. But that isn't how I roll. There is a solution. I may not understand a calculus problem the moment I look at it, but from there it becomes a process of learning the rules that the problem abides by. Eventually that problem will be solved, unless of course, I get too frustrated and decide it isn't worth my time.
We're rolling in to a time in which there won't be very much at all I can do for Steve. Dad is putting the house up for sale next month, and I'll probably be relocating across town. Even if Steve and I aren't really "friends" anymore (that's how I feel for now, anyway), I do feel like I should be showing him more love. This ignoring game has to swiftly conclude. I don't have to be his best friend to at least acknowledge that he exists.
Two Saturdays ago, after my energy work class with Dr. Jesse, I saw Steve on the bus on the way home. I ignored him, as I'm pretty sure he ignored me as well. I felt compelled to talk to him but didn't know what to say, so I pretended I didn't know he was there. We sat probably six feet apart.
That was the last time I saw Steve until tonight. My second and final energy work class is tomorrow morning. Tonight I had walked up to Meijer to get some groceries. I was planning on taking bottles back, but had forgotten to take them with me. So, after walking all the way home and dropping off the groceries, I grabbed the bottles and headed right back up there. As I approached the entrance, I realized that Steve was on his way out the exit. Once again, I pretended not to see him. We walked right by each other. I could feel his energy directed towards me, but I just kept walking. I almost immediately felt terrible about it. I was caught quite off guard and once again, didn't know what to say. Almost every time I think about what I should do or what I should say to him, I find myself filling with resentment and even hostility.
So, synchronicity-wise, the pattern from the following week makes a double-stacked Steve sammich (in which Dr. Jesse is the bread). Dr. Jesse/Steve(two weeks)Steve/Dr. Jesse.
I am pretty sure that Steve never left the garage, even after I told him to find some place else to be. No matter how much resentment I may have felt, I just couldn't bring myself to lock him out or remove his belongings. Part of this is because I know in my heart that the resentment I feel is not even really because of him. He may be the catalyst, but this is clearly my issue. I don't think it is fair for me to say that Steve's presence in my life is "dark synchronicity". There may be a lot of negativity associated with the situation, but it is ultimately just another challenge to overcome my own inner obstacles and come out on the other side a more refined person. If I didn't look at it as a challenge, I could just keep ignoring it. I could just let myself stay the way I am. I could allow myself to disregard the accumulative flaws of my reactions to this situation. But that isn't how I roll. There is a solution. I may not understand a calculus problem the moment I look at it, but from there it becomes a process of learning the rules that the problem abides by. Eventually that problem will be solved, unless of course, I get too frustrated and decide it isn't worth my time.
We're rolling in to a time in which there won't be very much at all I can do for Steve. Dad is putting the house up for sale next month, and I'll probably be relocating across town. Even if Steve and I aren't really "friends" anymore (that's how I feel for now, anyway), I do feel like I should be showing him more love. This ignoring game has to swiftly conclude. I don't have to be his best friend to at least acknowledge that he exists.