(no subject)
So much has happened. So much... yet so little.
I haven't seen Sarah since sunday, I believe(?) (sometimes I can't quite remember what exactly I was doing and when I was doing it)
This week it seems like the world just stopped for me, yet it continued on for everyone else. I think everyone I know is pissed off at me for some reason or another. So I've just been avoiding/ignoring a lot of people. But not because I don't like them... but because I'm just so damned tired. But no one ever believes me, really, so I might as well not waste any time trying to explain this to them. I might as well tell them "I ignore you because I hate you." Because obviously that's the conclusion that most people jump to anyways.
So much. So little.
I guess I'm glad that other people are having fun and doing things.
And by the way, my parents are always right, about everything. Why does this have to be so? They go against -anything- and they always appear to be right, in the end. People I trust tell me to ignore them, and to go my own path, but everytime I do, I end up messing things up; either hurting myself or someone else. Why can't I just win for once? Why can't I have something for myself? Just this once. That's all I wanted.
But no. They are right. I'm wrong. I lose. The end.
It seems I have been thrusted into a wirlpool of emotions, yet I haven't had the time or energy to vent it properly. Unfortunately the people closest to me will never understand it, either. They say they do, to comfort me, but I know they don't. I don't hold it against them (I hope). They haven't experienced it yet. I hope they never do, because I worry how they will react and how they will deal with the frustrations of the real world. It's scary, because even the people who have it easiest, still find something to get frustrated over. I fear for them.
For myself, I have trained myself not to fear. I have no fear of anything. Nothing scares me anymore, and nothing surprises me. I feel as though many things have happened in my life within these last few months. So much. I feel as though I've experienced everything... I've seen everything there is to be seen of the world, and I've walked away embittered by all of it. So much to the point that I could care less if I didn't ever have to witness it again.
I haven't seen Sarah since sunday, I believe(?) (sometimes I can't quite remember what exactly I was doing and when I was doing it)
This week it seems like the world just stopped for me, yet it continued on for everyone else. I think everyone I know is pissed off at me for some reason or another. So I've just been avoiding/ignoring a lot of people. But not because I don't like them... but because I'm just so damned tired. But no one ever believes me, really, so I might as well not waste any time trying to explain this to them. I might as well tell them "I ignore you because I hate you." Because obviously that's the conclusion that most people jump to anyways.
So much. So little.
I guess I'm glad that other people are having fun and doing things.
And by the way, my parents are always right, about everything. Why does this have to be so? They go against -anything- and they always appear to be right, in the end. People I trust tell me to ignore them, and to go my own path, but everytime I do, I end up messing things up; either hurting myself or someone else. Why can't I just win for once? Why can't I have something for myself? Just this once. That's all I wanted.
But no. They are right. I'm wrong. I lose. The end.
It seems I have been thrusted into a wirlpool of emotions, yet I haven't had the time or energy to vent it properly. Unfortunately the people closest to me will never understand it, either. They say they do, to comfort me, but I know they don't. I don't hold it against them (I hope). They haven't experienced it yet. I hope they never do, because I worry how they will react and how they will deal with the frustrations of the real world. It's scary, because even the people who have it easiest, still find something to get frustrated over. I fear for them.
For myself, I have trained myself not to fear. I have no fear of anything. Nothing scares me anymore, and nothing surprises me. I feel as though many things have happened in my life within these last few months. So much. I feel as though I've experienced everything... I've seen everything there is to be seen of the world, and I've walked away embittered by all of it. So much to the point that I could care less if I didn't ever have to witness it again.