my thoughts
I seem to be stuck at a crossroad. Not sure if this is worth my time anymore. I sure don't have happiness. And I can't fathom what could possibly make me happy. I simply have no reason to live... but nor does anyone else. Or do they? Do they have something that I don't? Good looks? Money? A significant other? Possibly.
Me? I'm just a creep. I don't talk, and that makes me weird. I hide my true identity, because if anyone were to experience it, it would be the equivalant of telling a child that santa doesn't really exist. My adaptations to the sensitivity of our society has rendered me undesirable. But the true conundrum is that if I were to change, it would only make things worse... because people are far too impatient to get to know me. It takes them time to understand me. And everyone I've encountered; even my very own brother doesn't think I'm worth the time.
I am not angry person. I do not have a pitiful view of the world. I am just discontent. And I see the truth that so many fear: the world itself, is a pitiful place. My realization of the futility of our existence is something that people would rather just block out. And instead of seeking answers... they just want to settle down and live their lives in a care-free state only to further propagate our race, without reason or purpose.
How froughtless, unscientific, and disgusting is that? Incredibly IMHO.
I used to seek that purpose... that elusive reason. But now I have my own reason.
People don't like to talk about the truth. They don't like to observe it. They fear it. And it remains repressed within their minds, until they die. So I want to take a different approach. I want to bring truth through a different medium: music. I want them to hear the sounds of our futile nature of existence reverberate deep into their bones. I want the world to hear it... so that possibly one person... one person may find the courage to fucking wake up. One person is all it will take to change, for me to feel satisfied with my life. I just want one other person to feel as though I have felt.
Then I won't feel so alone.