This has potential...
Lately, I have been pondering. Tonight, I wanted to write something profound. I wanted to write about something I don't know a great deal about. It's something I haven't really been able to put into words or develop a complete thought. My friends, the question I have been pondering lately is, what is love?
What does it mean to be in love? Since I have only experienced such a thing only once, I am not sure how to explain this. I have many random thoughts about it, but I simply cannot get something down that is to my satisfaction. I see many people around me that think they are in love, each experiencing it in a different way. Are these people really in love? Have they each found their one and only TRUE LOVE?"
I think being in love means being able to look into that special someone's eyes and holding a conversation without words. The eyes say so much about the thoughts of that person. It is being able to look at his eyes and seeing something each time that makes my heart swell. It is being able to look into his eyes and he doesn't question your reasons for looking. He knows already. Love being able to read his facial expressions and body language. It is knowing what he means when he makes a particular face. It is being able to imitate him well because you have seen those faces and gestures so many times that you have got it perfectly. It is being able to do it so well that it makes him laugh. It is him also noticing how much you cared about him to pay attention to the details. Imitation is one of the highest forms of flattery, and he loves that you find him so unique. Love is also lying next to someone and holding them tight. It is not wanting to let go. Love is when I tell him I want to just watch a movie without being touched, but he knows that I really just want him to cuddle me and caress my skin. Love is when he waits until the clock strikes midnight to be the first one to tell you "Happy Sweetest's Day." Love is caring enough to break down the walls of insecurity. Love is letting him break them down. Love is honest. Love is painful. It is sharing a special kind of kiss that you will never be able to share with someone else. Love is feeling the butterflies and the tingles that warm you all over. It is when you speak about them and your voice changes when you utter their name. Love is whispering softly in the night "I love you" and really meaning it.
I have known love and lost love. I have been hurt. Now I am afraid of never finding that kind of love again. What I mean when I say this is that I am afraid to let love find me. I am afraid of letting down my guard. I want the romance, and I want the passion. I need the warmth, and I need the attention. I guess I do want love, but why do I constantly push it away?
My dad made me cry today. He said to me that I have much to offer. He said that I deserve better than what I settle for. He made me feel like I am wasting a lot of myself on people that are not good enough for me. Who is good enough for me though? Maybe I have been wasting myself on those who never take the opportunity to see how special I am? Not that I am trying to be full of myself, I am far from that, but I like to think that there must be some reason he, along with one of my other best friends, has said this to me. I feel good when my family and friends tell me that I am worth it, I guess I am desperately searching for "the one" who sees it as they do.
Why is it that inside, I am everything that my guy friends would look for in the perfect girl? Inside, I am perfect, but does that mean that my outsides hold me back from being the image of perfection? I don't want to be perfect. I want to be who I am. I would rather have just the inner beauty than be outer beauty and inner ugly. Why is it that I seem to not measure up? My quest continues for the one that sees me as I am an still loves me just as I am.
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride." I am considered a great friend, but just not girlfriend material. It's funny. The boys with girlfriends FLOCK to me. Why is that? Do I have some kind of invisible ink on my forehead that attracts these men? Those guys are safer I guess. No emotional attachment because I know nothing will ever come out of it. It is scarier when you don't know how far your feelings can ride. Its like driving with a road map instead of just getting in your car and driving allowing the road to take you anywhere. That is the unknown and I am afraid. In reality, I don't want those kind of guys though. I wouldn't want to be the reason they figure out they are unhappy in their relationships just so that I can be used. Is that what it is? Do I allow people to use me when I pretend that this is what I want too? I think I just had an epiphany.
In conclusion, I must ask myself and even those who read this, what is wrong with who I am? Why can love be all around me yet I still feel cold and alone?
What does it mean to be in love? Since I have only experienced such a thing only once, I am not sure how to explain this. I have many random thoughts about it, but I simply cannot get something down that is to my satisfaction. I see many people around me that think they are in love, each experiencing it in a different way. Are these people really in love? Have they each found their one and only TRUE LOVE?"
I think being in love means being able to look into that special someone's eyes and holding a conversation without words. The eyes say so much about the thoughts of that person. It is being able to look at his eyes and seeing something each time that makes my heart swell. It is being able to look into his eyes and he doesn't question your reasons for looking. He knows already. Love being able to read his facial expressions and body language. It is knowing what he means when he makes a particular face. It is being able to imitate him well because you have seen those faces and gestures so many times that you have got it perfectly. It is being able to do it so well that it makes him laugh. It is him also noticing how much you cared about him to pay attention to the details. Imitation is one of the highest forms of flattery, and he loves that you find him so unique. Love is also lying next to someone and holding them tight. It is not wanting to let go. Love is when I tell him I want to just watch a movie without being touched, but he knows that I really just want him to cuddle me and caress my skin. Love is when he waits until the clock strikes midnight to be the first one to tell you "Happy Sweetest's Day." Love is caring enough to break down the walls of insecurity. Love is letting him break them down. Love is honest. Love is painful. It is sharing a special kind of kiss that you will never be able to share with someone else. Love is feeling the butterflies and the tingles that warm you all over. It is when you speak about them and your voice changes when you utter their name. Love is whispering softly in the night "I love you" and really meaning it.
I have known love and lost love. I have been hurt. Now I am afraid of never finding that kind of love again. What I mean when I say this is that I am afraid to let love find me. I am afraid of letting down my guard. I want the romance, and I want the passion. I need the warmth, and I need the attention. I guess I do want love, but why do I constantly push it away?
My dad made me cry today. He said to me that I have much to offer. He said that I deserve better than what I settle for. He made me feel like I am wasting a lot of myself on people that are not good enough for me. Who is good enough for me though? Maybe I have been wasting myself on those who never take the opportunity to see how special I am? Not that I am trying to be full of myself, I am far from that, but I like to think that there must be some reason he, along with one of my other best friends, has said this to me. I feel good when my family and friends tell me that I am worth it, I guess I am desperately searching for "the one" who sees it as they do.
Why is it that inside, I am everything that my guy friends would look for in the perfect girl? Inside, I am perfect, but does that mean that my outsides hold me back from being the image of perfection? I don't want to be perfect. I want to be who I am. I would rather have just the inner beauty than be outer beauty and inner ugly. Why is it that I seem to not measure up? My quest continues for the one that sees me as I am an still loves me just as I am.
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride." I am considered a great friend, but just not girlfriend material. It's funny. The boys with girlfriends FLOCK to me. Why is that? Do I have some kind of invisible ink on my forehead that attracts these men? Those guys are safer I guess. No emotional attachment because I know nothing will ever come out of it. It is scarier when you don't know how far your feelings can ride. Its like driving with a road map instead of just getting in your car and driving allowing the road to take you anywhere. That is the unknown and I am afraid. In reality, I don't want those kind of guys though. I wouldn't want to be the reason they figure out they are unhappy in their relationships just so that I can be used. Is that what it is? Do I allow people to use me when I pretend that this is what I want too? I think I just had an epiphany.
In conclusion, I must ask myself and even those who read this, what is wrong with who I am? Why can love be all around me yet I still feel cold and alone?