is this pain real?
i never knew i could feel this much pain all at once.
me: i just really miss you that's all
him: oh yeah?
him: that's a very sweet thing to say.
me: well. i've tried to say it many times
him: yeah, I kind of miss you, too.
me: only kind of?
him: well, you know what I mean. I miss you. I'm not the greatest at emotion or any of that.
me: i know. and i know i wasn't the greatest at that either
me: not until it was too late
him: let's not talk about that part. There's more to take from that than the "too late."
me: what do you mean
him: or maybe that doesn't make any sense and I'm just drunk
me: well i don't want to say anything to cause a disturbance with your life right now. it's just that i will continue to feel that things were unsettled
me: i'm going to miss you. i feel that things weren't over. and i'm not saying that to mess anthing up for you right now. it's just that i'm having an absolutely hard time moving on
him: still?
me: well obviously you moved on
me: and i know i can't compete with that. and i have moved on enough to know you have moved on long ago
him: whoa
me: i'm not trying to be accusatory
me: i hope i'm not coming off like that
him: well, I guess I'm not used to something like this.
me: really?
him: I mean, I guess I've just become a little detached over the years...for good or bad.
him: usually bad.
me: that's what hurt for me
him: I'm sorry
me: i didn't know why you detached from me when i was willing to put up a fight
him: I guess I wasn't expecting someone to do that.
me: it wasn't easy for me to admit my feelings. i went from not wanting to be in a relationship b/c i was just stubborn. but i had such a good time with you. then i thought all was well. and it seemed that it ended abruptly.
me: i don't know if i did anything to send you off?
him: I know it's cliche but I can't blame anyone but myself; I guess I just wasn't used to a relationship like that...getting close and opening up.
me: well when we were going to meet up a while ago
me: i found out you were with her
him: yeah, I know
me: and i felt so sad b/c it seemed like you couldn't be open with me
me: but suddenly everything is so fine for you and her. and to me, it feels like i was pushed out for her
him: It's not something I really do with anyone.
him: no...its not that way at all.
me: do you love her?
me: i know it might not be my place to ask
him: I don't really know if I can answwer that question. I mean, I've said I do, if that's what you mean, but if that's all it takes, then yes. If you mean do I understand some sense of commitment now, then no. I'm not sure.
me: aye. it's just hard, that's all. i guess i just struggle with the fact that i was at a point where i knew i loved you. without a sense of commitment b/c still, i'm stubborn. and i dont' think for longterm. but i definitely loved you then and didn't say it
him: I'm sorry, this is really hard for me, being drunk and all. I'm not sure I can answer everything as I get pretty emotional in this state.
me: i guess i always wondered how you felt about me. i never really knew. and i never knew what exactly happened
me: well i shouldn't keep you any longer then
him: no, it's OK
him: I can't sleep
me: i know aim isn't a solid norm of communication
him: no shit
me: well i do admit this
me: i don't have any other better way to reach you
him: most manic depressives like it that way...elusive and such.
me: what?
him: me, I mean
me: ok. i know that you are not a manic depressive
me: i really do
me: would it be wrong to call you right now?
me: i don't even have your number anymore
him: I might be falling asleep in the next 20 to 25 seconds
me: fair enough
him: can we continue this tomorrow?
me: i'd appreciate it
him: ok, good night
me: goodnight
me: i just really miss you that's all
him: oh yeah?
him: that's a very sweet thing to say.
me: well. i've tried to say it many times
him: yeah, I kind of miss you, too.
me: only kind of?
him: well, you know what I mean. I miss you. I'm not the greatest at emotion or any of that.
me: i know. and i know i wasn't the greatest at that either
me: not until it was too late
him: let's not talk about that part. There's more to take from that than the "too late."
me: what do you mean
him: or maybe that doesn't make any sense and I'm just drunk
me: well i don't want to say anything to cause a disturbance with your life right now. it's just that i will continue to feel that things were unsettled
me: i'm going to miss you. i feel that things weren't over. and i'm not saying that to mess anthing up for you right now. it's just that i'm having an absolutely hard time moving on
him: still?
me: well obviously you moved on
me: and i know i can't compete with that. and i have moved on enough to know you have moved on long ago
him: whoa
me: i'm not trying to be accusatory
me: i hope i'm not coming off like that
him: well, I guess I'm not used to something like this.
me: really?
him: I mean, I guess I've just become a little detached over the years...for good or bad.
him: usually bad.
me: that's what hurt for me
him: I'm sorry
me: i didn't know why you detached from me when i was willing to put up a fight
him: I guess I wasn't expecting someone to do that.
me: it wasn't easy for me to admit my feelings. i went from not wanting to be in a relationship b/c i was just stubborn. but i had such a good time with you. then i thought all was well. and it seemed that it ended abruptly.
me: i don't know if i did anything to send you off?
him: I know it's cliche but I can't blame anyone but myself; I guess I just wasn't used to a relationship like that...getting close and opening up.
me: well when we were going to meet up a while ago
me: i found out you were with her
him: yeah, I know
me: and i felt so sad b/c it seemed like you couldn't be open with me
me: but suddenly everything is so fine for you and her. and to me, it feels like i was pushed out for her
him: It's not something I really do with anyone.
him: no...its not that way at all.
me: do you love her?
me: i know it might not be my place to ask
him: I don't really know if I can answwer that question. I mean, I've said I do, if that's what you mean, but if that's all it takes, then yes. If you mean do I understand some sense of commitment now, then no. I'm not sure.
me: aye. it's just hard, that's all. i guess i just struggle with the fact that i was at a point where i knew i loved you. without a sense of commitment b/c still, i'm stubborn. and i dont' think for longterm. but i definitely loved you then and didn't say it
him: I'm sorry, this is really hard for me, being drunk and all. I'm not sure I can answer everything as I get pretty emotional in this state.
me: i guess i always wondered how you felt about me. i never really knew. and i never knew what exactly happened
me: well i shouldn't keep you any longer then
him: no, it's OK
him: I can't sleep
me: i know aim isn't a solid norm of communication
him: no shit
me: well i do admit this
me: i don't have any other better way to reach you
him: most manic depressives like it that way...elusive and such.
me: what?
him: me, I mean
me: ok. i know that you are not a manic depressive
me: i really do
me: would it be wrong to call you right now?
me: i don't even have your number anymore
him: I might be falling asleep in the next 20 to 25 seconds
me: fair enough
him: can we continue this tomorrow?
me: i'd appreciate it
him: ok, good night
me: goodnight