Isn't This What We Hope For?
As a parent, you like to hope that your kids will talk to you when they have a dilemma or a problem. I always figured I was close enough with Trevor and Jalen that they would. Today I got my proof from Trevor.
He said he wanted to talk to me about college, and his girlfriend. His girlfriend does not want him to leave, is prone to crying about it, and so on. Inside, I wanted to scream "GO! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS YOU CAN AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK."
But I had to hear him out. He's not entirely positive that going to Lake Superior is the right choice - however, for his field, it is - and he knows that. He said it's not a question of getting an education, that was never part of it - he knows he needs to do that. The whole thing is being 300 miles from her.
So I said, you've already got a scholarship there. If you determine after the first year that it's not for you, then think about transferring to a school closer to home, although you'll have to change your major most likely. He thought that sounded like a viable idea. My theory is that once he is gone from here, in another environment, that this relationship will make its natural break. I hope he is there all four years but right now, I just want to get him there for the first one.
We talked further about his turning 18 and I told him, when you're 18 you can tell me you're going to do what you want - BUT, don't expect us to support you. You'll need to pay rent, go to school, etc -- and what happens if you get halfway through a semester HERE and you and she break up? Then you gave up scholarships at a school with the major you always wanted, and for what?
So I listened, patiently, dispensed the parental wisdom I could .... and just hope like hell he doesn't throw away his scholarships all in the name of staying home to be closer to her. I told him, I know she's your first love,I know how much you care for her, but the odds that you two end up together are somewhere between slim and none, because your life hasn't even begun yet.
I tried to do this without lecturing because I wanted him to hear me, and I wanted him to feel like he could talk to me. I think I did succeed. I understand where he is coming from. It's a tough thing to think about and in the limited range of his almost-18 year old life, it's huge. He's never had to deal with mortgages, kids, divorces, jobs ...
I think in the long run he'll end up going up there, maybe with the intent of only going for the first year. I can just hope it changes while he's there.
Everyone said the teenage years would be hell. They weren't, until this year. He's a good kid - a GREAT kid, in fact ... but he's 17, going through some growing pains, becoming a man where previously, he's just been a kid.
All I can hope is that we've steered him in the right direction all these years.
He said he wanted to talk to me about college, and his girlfriend. His girlfriend does not want him to leave, is prone to crying about it, and so on. Inside, I wanted to scream "GO! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS YOU CAN AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK."
But I had to hear him out. He's not entirely positive that going to Lake Superior is the right choice - however, for his field, it is - and he knows that. He said it's not a question of getting an education, that was never part of it - he knows he needs to do that. The whole thing is being 300 miles from her.
So I said, you've already got a scholarship there. If you determine after the first year that it's not for you, then think about transferring to a school closer to home, although you'll have to change your major most likely. He thought that sounded like a viable idea. My theory is that once he is gone from here, in another environment, that this relationship will make its natural break. I hope he is there all four years but right now, I just want to get him there for the first one.
We talked further about his turning 18 and I told him, when you're 18 you can tell me you're going to do what you want - BUT, don't expect us to support you. You'll need to pay rent, go to school, etc -- and what happens if you get halfway through a semester HERE and you and she break up? Then you gave up scholarships at a school with the major you always wanted, and for what?
So I listened, patiently, dispensed the parental wisdom I could .... and just hope like hell he doesn't throw away his scholarships all in the name of staying home to be closer to her. I told him, I know she's your first love,I know how much you care for her, but the odds that you two end up together are somewhere between slim and none, because your life hasn't even begun yet.
I tried to do this without lecturing because I wanted him to hear me, and I wanted him to feel like he could talk to me. I think I did succeed. I understand where he is coming from. It's a tough thing to think about and in the limited range of his almost-18 year old life, it's huge. He's never had to deal with mortgages, kids, divorces, jobs ...
I think in the long run he'll end up going up there, maybe with the intent of only going for the first year. I can just hope it changes while he's there.
Everyone said the teenage years would be hell. They weren't, until this year. He's a good kid - a GREAT kid, in fact ... but he's 17, going through some growing pains, becoming a man where previously, he's just been a kid.
All I can hope is that we've steered him in the right direction all these years.