Why I Box Myself In
That's it. I can't write romance.
No, no, it's not that I don't want to; I just can't. My pen doesn't work properly, or perhaps it's my head. I'm not entirely sure. You see, when I fell in love with Nicholas I was very young. I cannot tell you how or why I loved him, only that I did. I loved him desperately, fully, unequivocally. I can tell you why I thought him a good person and why I continue to think him a good person. I can think of those things that made me smile, those habits that made my heart melt, but I cannot tell you why.
Still, I can look and think of Ryan and tell you that I am crazy about him. I love him desperately and dearly. But I cannot tell you why. What is it that him so different from the hundreds of other men that I've met in my lifetime. What makes him or Nicholas different from the number of people that I've smiled at, said hello to, and made eye contact with. Why are Ryan and Nicholas the ones that I loved but not some other.
Time.
That'sthe only answer that I can come up with. I didn't look at Nicholas and immdiately drop to my knees and beg God to let me marry this man. I didn't lock eyes with Ryan one day and swear that I would be with him come hell or high water. None of these things. The way I love Nicholas and Ryan was a thing born of time. I did not fall in love with these men but rather, grew to love these men.
Imagine, if you will, a tree. It takes a great deal of time for a seedling to become a sapling to become a tree. It must be nutured: given water and sunlight. If neglected it will most likely die. Love is the same way, and just as it takes years for a tree to become something useful that bears fruit, so does it often take love time to become something more that butterflies in the tummy.
And that is why I can't write romance. Because, in my mind, love is something that builds and grows strong over a long period. Writing about that, is boring. So, I can't write romance. What I want to write, can write, do write is about couples in the fullness of their love for one another. I explore their passion, their pains, their concerns. Fuck newlyweds. I wanna write about the couple that's been married ten years andhow they're still crazy about one another.
So, I've got four calls for submission that I think I'm just going to have to ignore. I just don't have the ability or the inclination to do romance. Now, the fifth one I might ignore just for the simple fact that I'm damned sick of vampires. We'll see.