Merry F-ing Xmas
I'm really not overjoyed by December 2009. It just feels like lots of little things have happened in the past month to make it seem awful...though that's not totally the case...but really, the weather's been horrific and Phil and I got into a big fat car accident last Monday, so the nice parts of the month (like buying our first tree and decorating that fucker to within an inch of its life) are really sort of overshadowed by all that.
The collision is really what's doing it. I'd never been in a major car accident (the most might have been a bump here or there, or a skid on some ice) in my nearly 30 years. Everyone walked away from it, so I suppose it could have been far worse, but both cars are a wreck -- I think the other is totalled (head-on) and I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's was, too. We were driving home from my work xmas party and picking up some things from a friend across town. Not many people on the roads, quiet in the car, only around 8:30. Then out of nowhere (in center city Allentown) some asshole plowed into the driver's side of the car, having run a red light going what felt to me like 40 mph. Needless to say, not a little love tap that. We had luckily just passed a police cruiser (who'd just finished a different call), so the response time was enough to make your head spin. Even the fire department was there in under 2 minutes. I got out of it with only some sore muscles for a couple of days thereafter (and a good ten minutes of hyperventalating and trying not to throw up...I actually pleaded to the firefighter that I'm "usually a tough chick"); Phil got to get strapped onto a gurney and taken to the ER to make sure some neck pain and a headache wasn't anything nefarious (it wasn't, though he's still hurting). For me the real fallout has been spending days reliving the moment of impact every time my mind wasn't occupied, and I'm very very nervous about driving -- be it me or someone else. I'm positive that someone is going to come out of nowhere and aim for whatever vehicle I'm in -- even though I am well aware that this is completely paranoid and unrealistic.
Christmas has been a bit down certainly after that, though being around my family is quite depressing as well. We met my cousin's boyfriend yesterday...who is perfectly nice and treats her well. However, nothing that the rest of my immediate family has said has been anything other than resoundingly negative. I'm used to my mother finding any possible trait wrong with guys that I've dated (and she's resorted to finding fault in their cultural background -- even the ones with the same! Phil was apparently not good enough because he's southern Italian -- though it shut her up pretty thoroughly when I pointed out that part of his family was from northern Italy, which is our family's background as well), but my brother has been even more outspoken about his perceived faults! He's a vegan (gasp!). He's too liberal (horrors!). He's no fan of Ronnie Regan (no!). (PS, Regan's deregulation crap in the 80s is one of the main causes of the mess we're in today, so while I wouldn't necessarily want to punch the guy, he's low on my list of favorite political figures.) I'm just dumbfounded by the amount of judgement being passed by MY family on this guy who'd they never met before yesterday. This among other affairs has me chomping at the bit to get the hell back out of CT and to my home in PA...MY home, with my cat and my bed and my open-minded peers and no parents who seem to think I'm 12 years old and can't be trusted to do tasks that I have an advanced degree and salaried job doing. They wonder why I don't come home much. I'm of the opinion that if I want to sit in the car for 3 hours and pay a fortune in tolls, I can think of better places and people to visit. (V, I'm looking at you.)
The collision is really what's doing it. I'd never been in a major car accident (the most might have been a bump here or there, or a skid on some ice) in my nearly 30 years. Everyone walked away from it, so I suppose it could have been far worse, but both cars are a wreck -- I think the other is totalled (head-on) and I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's was, too. We were driving home from my work xmas party and picking up some things from a friend across town. Not many people on the roads, quiet in the car, only around 8:30. Then out of nowhere (in center city Allentown) some asshole plowed into the driver's side of the car, having run a red light going what felt to me like 40 mph. Needless to say, not a little love tap that. We had luckily just passed a police cruiser (who'd just finished a different call), so the response time was enough to make your head spin. Even the fire department was there in under 2 minutes. I got out of it with only some sore muscles for a couple of days thereafter (and a good ten minutes of hyperventalating and trying not to throw up...I actually pleaded to the firefighter that I'm "usually a tough chick"); Phil got to get strapped onto a gurney and taken to the ER to make sure some neck pain and a headache wasn't anything nefarious (it wasn't, though he's still hurting). For me the real fallout has been spending days reliving the moment of impact every time my mind wasn't occupied, and I'm very very nervous about driving -- be it me or someone else. I'm positive that someone is going to come out of nowhere and aim for whatever vehicle I'm in -- even though I am well aware that this is completely paranoid and unrealistic.
Christmas has been a bit down certainly after that, though being around my family is quite depressing as well. We met my cousin's boyfriend yesterday...who is perfectly nice and treats her well. However, nothing that the rest of my immediate family has said has been anything other than resoundingly negative. I'm used to my mother finding any possible trait wrong with guys that I've dated (and she's resorted to finding fault in their cultural background -- even the ones with the same! Phil was apparently not good enough because he's southern Italian -- though it shut her up pretty thoroughly when I pointed out that part of his family was from northern Italy, which is our family's background as well), but my brother has been even more outspoken about his perceived faults! He's a vegan (gasp!). He's too liberal (horrors!). He's no fan of Ronnie Regan (no!). (PS, Regan's deregulation crap in the 80s is one of the main causes of the mess we're in today, so while I wouldn't necessarily want to punch the guy, he's low on my list of favorite political figures.) I'm just dumbfounded by the amount of judgement being passed by MY family on this guy who'd they never met before yesterday. This among other affairs has me chomping at the bit to get the hell back out of CT and to my home in PA...MY home, with my cat and my bed and my open-minded peers and no parents who seem to think I'm 12 years old and can't be trusted to do tasks that I have an advanced degree and salaried job doing. They wonder why I don't come home much. I'm of the opinion that if I want to sit in the car for 3 hours and pay a fortune in tolls, I can think of better places and people to visit. (V, I'm looking at you.)