I left when the day broke and walked through the city alone.
So I have good days and bad days. Seems kinda stupid, given the situation. But I've never really been one for rationality when it comes to emotion and such, so I guess all's normal with me.
Like today. Today was a normal, life-loving day. The sun was out and it was gorgeous and warm and the city smelled and sounded like a city should; and like Halifax, too. Sometimes I find this city smells more like Liverpool, and all of a sudden I'm five again and eating cream buns on the bus. I went to work, and it was okay, but I hung onto that good mood all day. I wish I had more days like that. I try to.
But there's still a part of me that's sad. And it sounds dumb, but it's the truth. The closest I can describe it is homesickness. Like I'm missing something everyday, something that's a part of who I am. I felt it when I moved into the city and I feel it now. Sometimes people just become a part of you that way. I felt it when Jill, Ang, and I stopped talking. It's a hole left by something intensely familiar. And you think that just maybe if you can keep it with you, someday it'll be able to fit back there again. But things change, and people change, and emotions change. They don't want to fit back there. Even if they did, they probably couldn't.
That all sounds really weird, but I hope you understand it. A hole left by something intensely familiar. That's the closest I've come to describing it. Homesick for a person. Makes sense. What is home without the people who fill it? Even if there's no one else living in your house, there are the memories of other people.
Whatever. I'm a crazy person. But yes. I'm trying to find more good things in the everyday. And there are lots. School just kinda gets in the way. No time to go out and find these things. No time to go see the people that make my days brighter.
I'm trying to get people together to go for drinks on Monday in celebration of my birthday. I don't know if anyone will come. People are pretty busy this time of year.
Made mini-invites for Belly of the Whale today at work. I got bored in the afternoon, so I went nuts with Photoshop. They're cute.
Listening to Nighthawks. Every time I hear Doves' "Reprise" I expect "Losing My Religion" to come on after it, because that's the order it was in on a mixtape I made back in high school. I can't remember what that one was called. Cetera Desunt, I think: The Rest is Missing. Maybe it was The In-Between Seasons. I can't remember.
Someday I will find a version of this boy for my very own. He will have little glimmers of things I remember and he will be kind and affectionate and nerdy and maybe just a little wild below the surface. We will geek out about music and lose track of time talking about what exists at the point where the universe ends. I will kiss him in a snowstorm, and we will have days where we refuse to get out of bed. He won't be the same though. I'll never find someone exactly like him. I just wish I could keep this version.
Okay, these renders are taking too long. I'm starting to say dumb things. If you're reading this, just let me know already.
Like today. Today was a normal, life-loving day. The sun was out and it was gorgeous and warm and the city smelled and sounded like a city should; and like Halifax, too. Sometimes I find this city smells more like Liverpool, and all of a sudden I'm five again and eating cream buns on the bus. I went to work, and it was okay, but I hung onto that good mood all day. I wish I had more days like that. I try to.
But there's still a part of me that's sad. And it sounds dumb, but it's the truth. The closest I can describe it is homesickness. Like I'm missing something everyday, something that's a part of who I am. I felt it when I moved into the city and I feel it now. Sometimes people just become a part of you that way. I felt it when Jill, Ang, and I stopped talking. It's a hole left by something intensely familiar. And you think that just maybe if you can keep it with you, someday it'll be able to fit back there again. But things change, and people change, and emotions change. They don't want to fit back there. Even if they did, they probably couldn't.
That all sounds really weird, but I hope you understand it. A hole left by something intensely familiar. That's the closest I've come to describing it. Homesick for a person. Makes sense. What is home without the people who fill it? Even if there's no one else living in your house, there are the memories of other people.
Whatever. I'm a crazy person. But yes. I'm trying to find more good things in the everyday. And there are lots. School just kinda gets in the way. No time to go out and find these things. No time to go see the people that make my days brighter.
I'm trying to get people together to go for drinks on Monday in celebration of my birthday. I don't know if anyone will come. People are pretty busy this time of year.
Made mini-invites for Belly of the Whale today at work. I got bored in the afternoon, so I went nuts with Photoshop. They're cute.
Listening to Nighthawks. Every time I hear Doves' "Reprise" I expect "Losing My Religion" to come on after it, because that's the order it was in on a mixtape I made back in high school. I can't remember what that one was called. Cetera Desunt, I think: The Rest is Missing. Maybe it was The In-Between Seasons. I can't remember.
Someday I will find a version of this boy for my very own. He will have little glimmers of things I remember and he will be kind and affectionate and nerdy and maybe just a little wild below the surface. We will geek out about music and lose track of time talking about what exists at the point where the universe ends. I will kiss him in a snowstorm, and we will have days where we refuse to get out of bed. He won't be the same though. I'll never find someone exactly like him. I just wish I could keep this version.
Okay, these renders are taking too long. I'm starting to say dumb things. If you're reading this, just let me know already.