A Perfect Hole- Prompt a day- Stash
A long time ago, years-before Lian was born-I had a stash of heroin. It from my using days; I’d gotten it after I got clean and before Princess came into my life. It had been a rainy night and an attempt at reconnecting with Ollie had utterly failed.
We had tried to do a patrol together, for “old time’s sake” as he had put it. Though, I could tell it was also for a hope of future times. It had been Dinah’s idea, but I don’t blame her for the fact that it had gone terribly wrong. We probably should have just gotten together and thrown back a few, like we do now.
It was ourselves that had mucked everything up. Me and Ollie. Ollie was himself-condescending and insulting without meaning to and I just couldn’t cut the guy any slack even though, any idiot could have seen that he needed it, wanted it. Now, looking back I can see that the old man wanted to do better, he just didn’t know how. Like always.
Anyways, we had exchanged words and I’d left in a huff, shouting a slew of curses behind me-Dinah would have been ashamed and I knee jerked. I reacted before I could even think about it. I went back to my place, changed clothes, and began stalking the back alleys. When did I wake the hell up? It wasn’t until I was half way home, with the heroin safely in my pocket and rain sneaking down my neck. I ran the rest of the way home, terrified of myself. I put the crap underneath my bed and no matter where I moved that was its designated place. It was sort of a reminder and insurance policy: everyday that it went untouched was a victory, but if I did fall on my ass at least I wouldn’t have to go every far to do so.
And then she came. All full cheeks, dark eyes and tuffs of hair. My baby girl. And everything changed, quickly. Suddenly, I hope I don’t screw up morphed into I cannot screw up.
I flushed the stash one afternoon when Lian was napping. I didn’t need an escape clause anymore. There was no more running.
I keep a box of photographs in the stash’s old place: every birthday, party trip to the park and moment when she wasn’t looking. It feels the hole nicely.
We had tried to do a patrol together, for “old time’s sake” as he had put it. Though, I could tell it was also for a hope of future times. It had been Dinah’s idea, but I don’t blame her for the fact that it had gone terribly wrong. We probably should have just gotten together and thrown back a few, like we do now.
It was ourselves that had mucked everything up. Me and Ollie. Ollie was himself-condescending and insulting without meaning to and I just couldn’t cut the guy any slack even though, any idiot could have seen that he needed it, wanted it. Now, looking back I can see that the old man wanted to do better, he just didn’t know how. Like always.
Anyways, we had exchanged words and I’d left in a huff, shouting a slew of curses behind me-Dinah would have been ashamed and I knee jerked. I reacted before I could even think about it. I went back to my place, changed clothes, and began stalking the back alleys. When did I wake the hell up? It wasn’t until I was half way home, with the heroin safely in my pocket and rain sneaking down my neck. I ran the rest of the way home, terrified of myself. I put the crap underneath my bed and no matter where I moved that was its designated place. It was sort of a reminder and insurance policy: everyday that it went untouched was a victory, but if I did fall on my ass at least I wouldn’t have to go every far to do so.
And then she came. All full cheeks, dark eyes and tuffs of hair. My baby girl. And everything changed, quickly. Suddenly, I hope I don’t screw up morphed into I cannot screw up.
I flushed the stash one afternoon when Lian was napping. I didn’t need an escape clause anymore. There was no more running.
I keep a box of photographs in the stash’s old place: every birthday, party trip to the park and moment when she wasn’t looking. It feels the hole nicely.