(no subject)
Well my nursing burnout is in full-swing again. My anxiety is off the charts. I'm seriously at the edge of another crisis point. I've been burned-out for years but, now, my ability to cope with it is pretty much shot. In the past I could only go three months without some time off. It's been twice that long, now, and I'm freaking out. The last time I melted down and had to be put off work, for a month, by the doctor. I'm pretty much at that point again. I realize that I do have anxiety and my ability to handle stress is no where near that of a regular person who doesn't have it. Then when you add the fact that I am in a career where the stress levels are astronomical...well, it doesn't bode well for me.
I'm really afraid that staying in nursing is going to cause me to either wind-up on meds or disabled from my anxiety. Seriously. It's affecting my life in a major way. I'm also ashamed of how I can't handle things. I feel weak and this causes me more anxiety. And let me tell you, long-term care is one of the most stressful areas of nursing. A lot of times I don't have the medications or the supplies I need and this causes my anxiety to ramp-up and I become frustrated and freaked-out and angry and you multiply this one thing several times a shift and it's just too much to bear. I feel like no one really understands.
I want OUT of nursing. Altogether. I want to walk away from it right now right this instant. That's how much I hate it. But I don't see any way out. What can I do? What can I do to make the kind of money that I'm used to making? I feel trapped. I feel that there is no escape from this. The liability is too much. I am responsible for so much and I, often, feel that I am put in catch-22 situations where I really cannot do my job the way I need to. It's like all this is expected from me, yet, I don't have the proper tools or the TIME to do it. It's just too much. I'm over my head. And I feel that I have nowhere to turn.
I'm really afraid that staying in nursing is going to cause me to either wind-up on meds or disabled from my anxiety. Seriously. It's affecting my life in a major way. I'm also ashamed of how I can't handle things. I feel weak and this causes me more anxiety. And let me tell you, long-term care is one of the most stressful areas of nursing. A lot of times I don't have the medications or the supplies I need and this causes my anxiety to ramp-up and I become frustrated and freaked-out and angry and you multiply this one thing several times a shift and it's just too much to bear. I feel like no one really understands.
I want OUT of nursing. Altogether. I want to walk away from it right now right this instant. That's how much I hate it. But I don't see any way out. What can I do? What can I do to make the kind of money that I'm used to making? I feel trapped. I feel that there is no escape from this. The liability is too much. I am responsible for so much and I, often, feel that I am put in catch-22 situations where I really cannot do my job the way I need to. It's like all this is expected from me, yet, I don't have the proper tools or the TIME to do it. It's just too much. I'm over my head. And I feel that I have nowhere to turn.