My family and friends have all been very sympathetic about Lola, and I expressed gratitude at all the appropriate places, but what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know
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No, you won't forget Lola. You won't forget the way she moves, or how she looked at you, or what it felt like to snuggle up with her in your arms or any of the rest of it. You won't. Those memories can be bittersweet at times - I'm sitting here right now crying because I can so easily see Sabaka sitting in his spot just by the foot of the bed, looking at me, mustering up all the hope he can that maybe, just maybe, momma's going to give him a treat. And yet I wouldn't trade that memory for anything.what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know? I know. Oh, do I know. I still want Baka back, too, and he's been gone well over a year-and-a-half. But I know that even if we could have giving him some kind of treatment to lengthen his life, he wouldn't have understood what was happening to him or why, and it would have been cruel to him to make him suffer the side effects when he couldn't comprehend that what we were doing was trying to make him better, so I have to find comfort in knowing that letting him go was the kindest thing we could do.
I know right now its too painful to think of bringing a new companion into your home, and if people ask you if you're going to, tell them flat out that you're still reeling from your loss and that isn't even a question you want to contemplate at the moment. *IF* its something you want or need to do, when you're ready, you'll know it, and you'll find the perfect companion for you. And if you never get to that point, then not having a new companion probably isn't what you need. Either way, what matters is that YOU are comfortable with your decision, and its certainly not a decision that you have to make within any kind of a timeframe, you know?
I am so sorry, Wendy, for your loss, and I wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. But don't be afraid that you'll forget what Lola was like. Some of the memories may be a bit distant at the moment - just because they're too painful this close to the loss (which is something that happened to me) - but they're not gone and they'll be there when you want and need them.
Thank you for all your kind words, Kris. It helps to hear from someone who has gone through something similar. I have had many doubts in my mind about whetehr or not I did the right thing. Would Lola have survived if I'd waited longer, hospitalized her longer? I guess I just have to trust my insticts. She didn't understand why i was abandoning her to a cement cage all by herself and why her tummy hurt and why she couldn't eat or drink anything. I just couldn't risk her dying in that place.
I understand about the doubts, too, but from what you've described, it sounds like you did make the best choice for her. Pancreatitis can be very serious - in humans as well as dogs. Seven or 8 years ago, Matt's mom had developed it after going into the hospital for an outpatient test and, while it took a lot longer for her to get the point Lola did, Matt, his brother and their father eventually had to take her off life support because it was clear she would never recover. From what you've written, It sounds to me like Lola was letting you know that she was ready to move on, but wanted to be at home for a while first, and I'm glad you had that last bit of time together.
And when you do find yourself feeling those doubts, remember that what you did, you did because of how very much you love Lola. You did everything for her that you could, and when she let you know that she wanted to come home and be with you before she had to leave, you heard her. It may not seem like it at the moment, but it truly was a gift.
Its going to hurt for a while, but don't let yourself feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. You just loved her too much to see her in pain - and that's nothing you ever have to apologize for.
No, you won't forget Lola. You won't forget the way she moves, or how she looked at you, or what it felt like to snuggle up with her in your arms or any of the rest of it. You won't. Those memories can be bittersweet at times - I'm sitting here right now crying because I can so easily see Sabaka sitting in his spot just by the foot of the bed, looking at me, mustering up all the hope he can that maybe, just maybe, momma's going to give him a treat. And yet I wouldn't trade that memory for anything.what I really felt was anger. I just want my damn dog back, ya know?
I know. Oh, do I know. I still want Baka back, too, and he's been gone well over a year-and-a-half. But I know that even if we could have giving him some kind of treatment to lengthen his life, he wouldn't have understood what was happening to him or why, and it would have been cruel to him to make him suffer the side effects when he couldn't comprehend that what we were doing was trying to make him better, so I have to find comfort in knowing that letting him go was the kindest thing we could do.
I know right now its too painful to think of bringing a new companion into your home, and if people ask you if you're going to, tell them flat out that you're still reeling from your loss and that isn't even a question you want to contemplate at the moment. *IF* its something you want or need to do, when you're ready, you'll know it, and you'll find the perfect companion for you. And if you never get to that point, then not having a new companion probably isn't what you need. Either way, what matters is that YOU are comfortable with your decision, and its certainly not a decision that you have to make within any kind of a timeframe, you know?
I am so sorry, Wendy, for your loss, and I wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. But don't be afraid that you'll forget what Lola was like. Some of the memories may be a bit distant at the moment - just because they're too painful this close to the loss (which is something that happened to me) - but they're not gone and they'll be there when you want and need them.
Take care, honey!
All my love,
kriselda
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I still can't believe she's gone.
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And when you do find yourself feeling those doubts, remember that what you did, you did because of how very much you love Lola. You did everything for her that you could, and when she let you know that she wanted to come home and be with you before she had to leave, you heard her. It may not seem like it at the moment, but it truly was a gift.
Its going to hurt for a while, but don't let yourself feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. You just loved her too much to see her in pain - and that's nothing you ever have to apologize for.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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I forgot that that was what Matt's mom died of. The pancreas is such a mysteriously important organ!
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