mind over matter
this was gonna wait till the morning, but since i CANT SLEEP i decided to post now.
contrary to popular belief, no, i didn't find the edge of the earth and fall off. no, i didn't fall into the toilet and drown. no, i'm not mad at the world and avoiding civilization at all costs. and no, i'm not dead. i'm not even close to dead, i am in fact quite the opposite. alive and breathing. i've just been living under a rock for the past week or so.
actually, i'm lying... sort of. i am alive and breathing, however i've not been under a rock, i've just been keeping a low-profile over the past week...
i quit smoking. finally, finally. took me long enough to say THATS IT, no more. i'm not really sure how i feel about this, considering that i did actually enjoy smoking, and found it quite pleasurable... for the most part. [begin sarcasm] aside from my clothes/hair/breath/car always reeking of smoke, my difficulty breathing in the morning or after strenuous activity (sex, running more than 10 feet, etc.), and my lack of money from paying $5.30 everyday (that's almost $50 a week) for a pack, smoking was okay. [end sarcasm].
no, seriously... i know it's gonna be better off this way. i'll be healthier, i'll have more cash to put towards the Firebird and other things, i won't always smell like smoke, and maybe i actually won't get tired after playing around... yeah. plus, my mother is sooooooooooo happy... she's thrilled that i'm finally gonna stop. she's been hounding me since i started six and a half years ago. so be proud of me, everyone, because this is now my fourth day smoke-free... once i make it through the first week, everyone says it'll get better because that's the hardest part. i sure hope so. i know i need all the support i can get... i can't do it alone, which is half the reason i quit when
Danny did, so we could quit together... even though he had a pretty sweet incentive, i figure i'm gonna enjoy him having that car as much as he's gonna enjoy him having that car... *did that make sense??* ... and because he had to quit for it, i decided i was gonna show him support and quit with him. well, he's made it through his first week already... and now, i need to get though my first week. (i'm a few days behind, and i hurt because of it). so, basically what i'm saying is: of my friends who have already quit... any tips? any advice to offer? what can i do to not slip, and buy a pack... which i *almost* did tonight? anything you could say would be greatly appreciated... if you can do it, i know i can... yeah.
ANYWAY. i've been keeping low-profile, because (straight-forwardly), i've been a miserable, moody bitch since thursday. i'm irritable, anxious, and overly-sensitive to anything and everything. i really feel like a fiend without a fix, and it's painful. i'm having extremly strong withdrawls, even with this nicotine patch on my arm. i don't think it's working at all. tomorrow, i start Zyban, in hopes that it will work better, and make me "forget i want to smoke", like people who have taken it and successfully quit say it does. i didn't attend the last tnd, because i knew people would be smoking right in front of me, and i don't think i can handle that just yet. hopefully by next thursday, i wont be craving as strongly and i'll be able to go out and not be bothered by my friends smoking. but not just yet. so wish me luck with this, i'm gonna need it... and that's why no one has heard from me. i'll be better soon enough... one way or the other, i guess.
i'm sorry about not posting and not replying to anyone's elses posts lately... please, no one take offense to it, and i have been reading my entire friendspage over the past week... but i've just been really fucking cranky, and i think i just need to take a few "me" days. i'll get over it soon enough.
anyway, i'm gonna go look at my ceiling some more. i'll write more sometime later today. that's all for now.
thanks for reading, if you did.
contrary to popular belief, no, i didn't find the edge of the earth and fall off. no, i didn't fall into the toilet and drown. no, i'm not mad at the world and avoiding civilization at all costs. and no, i'm not dead. i'm not even close to dead, i am in fact quite the opposite. alive and breathing. i've just been living under a rock for the past week or so.
actually, i'm lying... sort of. i am alive and breathing, however i've not been under a rock, i've just been keeping a low-profile over the past week...
i quit smoking. finally, finally. took me long enough to say THATS IT, no more. i'm not really sure how i feel about this, considering that i did actually enjoy smoking, and found it quite pleasurable... for the most part. [begin sarcasm] aside from my clothes/hair/breath/car always reeking of smoke, my difficulty breathing in the morning or after strenuous activity (sex, running more than 10 feet, etc.), and my lack of money from paying $5.30 everyday (that's almost $50 a week) for a pack, smoking was okay. [end sarcasm].
no, seriously... i know it's gonna be better off this way. i'll be healthier, i'll have more cash to put towards the Firebird and other things, i won't always smell like smoke, and maybe i actually won't get tired after playing around... yeah. plus, my mother is sooooooooooo happy... she's thrilled that i'm finally gonna stop. she's been hounding me since i started six and a half years ago. so be proud of me, everyone, because this is now my fourth day smoke-free... once i make it through the first week, everyone says it'll get better because that's the hardest part. i sure hope so. i know i need all the support i can get... i can't do it alone, which is half the reason i quit when
Danny did, so we could quit together... even though he had a pretty sweet incentive, i figure i'm gonna enjoy him having that car as much as he's gonna enjoy him having that car... *did that make sense??* ... and because he had to quit for it, i decided i was gonna show him support and quit with him. well, he's made it through his first week already... and now, i need to get though my first week. (i'm a few days behind, and i hurt because of it). so, basically what i'm saying is: of my friends who have already quit... any tips? any advice to offer? what can i do to not slip, and buy a pack... which i *almost* did tonight? anything you could say would be greatly appreciated... if you can do it, i know i can... yeah.
ANYWAY. i've been keeping low-profile, because (straight-forwardly), i've been a miserable, moody bitch since thursday. i'm irritable, anxious, and overly-sensitive to anything and everything. i really feel like a fiend without a fix, and it's painful. i'm having extremly strong withdrawls, even with this nicotine patch on my arm. i don't think it's working at all. tomorrow, i start Zyban, in hopes that it will work better, and make me "forget i want to smoke", like people who have taken it and successfully quit say it does. i didn't attend the last tnd, because i knew people would be smoking right in front of me, and i don't think i can handle that just yet. hopefully by next thursday, i wont be craving as strongly and i'll be able to go out and not be bothered by my friends smoking. but not just yet. so wish me luck with this, i'm gonna need it... and that's why no one has heard from me. i'll be better soon enough... one way or the other, i guess.
i'm sorry about not posting and not replying to anyone's elses posts lately... please, no one take offense to it, and i have been reading my entire friendspage over the past week... but i've just been really fucking cranky, and i think i just need to take a few "me" days. i'll get over it soon enough.
anyway, i'm gonna go look at my ceiling some more. i'll write more sometime later today. that's all for now.
thanks for reading, if you did.