Lurking Depression
Things are going well so why am I fighting depression?
I got on the "Career" program with Farmers Insurance 3 months earlier than I expected. I'm making sales and enjoying what I'm doing. I'm learning some things the hard way but that's expected sometimes.
So I talked to my best friend last night and he asked me if I had taken time to mourn. "Mourn? No I don't have time for that, and mourn what?" I said.
He pointed out that leaving ministry is more than leaving a job. That might be difficult enough but in ministry I've been pouring my life into people. That means that these people have part of me with them and to leave ministry is to leave that behind and it is a death. I've been dealing with the death of ministry dreams but I've also been excited by the new dreams being born. I guess I haven't really dealt with this entirely.
The redemptive act is not that I feel all that much better but at least the depression isn't a nebulous blob of black darkness hanging over me. It has a name and that helps somehow.
So God's redemptive act was in using my best friend to point out the truth in my heart to me. I've been able to allow the mourning to take place today. It doesn't feel great (which I kind of like most of the time, something to blog another time) but it isn't paralyzing either.
Lord, thank you for John.
I got on the "Career" program with Farmers Insurance 3 months earlier than I expected. I'm making sales and enjoying what I'm doing. I'm learning some things the hard way but that's expected sometimes.
So I talked to my best friend last night and he asked me if I had taken time to mourn. "Mourn? No I don't have time for that, and mourn what?" I said.
He pointed out that leaving ministry is more than leaving a job. That might be difficult enough but in ministry I've been pouring my life into people. That means that these people have part of me with them and to leave ministry is to leave that behind and it is a death. I've been dealing with the death of ministry dreams but I've also been excited by the new dreams being born. I guess I haven't really dealt with this entirely.
The redemptive act is not that I feel all that much better but at least the depression isn't a nebulous blob of black darkness hanging over me. It has a name and that helps somehow.
So God's redemptive act was in using my best friend to point out the truth in my heart to me. I've been able to allow the mourning to take place today. It doesn't feel great (which I kind of like most of the time, something to blog another time) but it isn't paralyzing either.
Lord, thank you for John.