094.
[the tone is incredibly fragile, the one of an agonizing creature, yet solemn, strong, filled with the ancient peace of a forest which has accepted the frostbite embrace of its last winter]
I perceive it. My death is near. My body, mind, and youki have accepted it. My instinct tells me this is the route which will lead me home. Ten months have passed since I arrived, that Autumn in a desolated evening. This alternate dimension escaping the order of Makai, Reikai and Ningenkai. A place to repent for my sins without truly dying.
Two months later, I remained in the shadows. Observing and learning. My abilities and youki had been sealed by the gods of Purgatorium. I had no choice, especially when there were demons like Karasu present.
Strangely to my eyes, Karasu had decided to form a new life. He had acquaintances, even lovers. I remained perpetually cautious of his presence, his murderous nature would never be appeased.
Once the third month passed, I recovered my powers. Almost coincidentally, kaa-san appeared in the city. I was able to protect her, I knew I had not failed. But the city in those days was cruelly whipped by countless murders and abductions. A police force surged to protect the civilians. I joined, as a detective. It was the best I could do to protect her and grant her a less dangerous place to reside.
Mother lived in a false world of happiness I created. I knew it was the best for her.
Her sweet human heart would never comprehend the brutal crimes of Hojo, Wesker and Grantz. Their twisted science and demented experiments. Joining Shu-ra allowed me to combat them.
And so, I did. I learned everything about them. About the T-virus, Raccoon City, Tyrants. Umbrella.
I even set a trap and ultimately killed Grantz with shimaneki sou. It had been the perfect strategy. Hojo and Grantz fell the same night. A flawless team work. And at that time, Wesker had been affected by a curse, which turned him into a child.
He was a test subject. In mind. In body. And I.
Shu and I.
Wove a strategy to deceive Wesker and force his biorhythm into an artificial state of hibernation to a cellular level.
It was his moment of weakness and we took advantage of it. Sentencing him into an endless slumber where each second was an eternity. And he was... completely conscious of it. Matching the cruelty of the Janen-ju.
I regretted. I realized how much of a demon I truly was, even if I attempted to convince myself this was for the sake of the citizens, I had planned it under the insidious logic of Youko Kurama.
No matter how I tried to embrace the life of a human I loved. I realized nothing had changed, I was still the same demon, under a different skin.
I could not forsake...
Anything. Not ever.
And Yomi. He reminded me of what I chose to ignore _
[resume the recording after 04:34 hours.]
Through these months, after Yomi's departure, I continue working for ShinRa. The president regards my talent, and the possibility of using natural photovoltaic cells. My allies... little knew about me. It was the cold, distant ghost of friendship. I was incapable of being sincere. They knew and acknowledged Shuuichi Minamino. But that was all.
Without Kaa-san, Hiei, Kuwabara and Yuusuke, I was alone to survive.
Kuronue... I could never forgive myself for what happened to him. But it brought a peaceful sensation to my heart each time I saw him, loved and protected by someone else. Someone more capable than myself.
The only creature I trusted completely was a tyrant. I knew he was a criminal, I knew he was a threat. Just like my past.
A man torn between two identities. His past as a police officer, his present as a B.O.W.
My past as a bandit, my present as a human. Perhaps we both sought the same: a balance to define what we truly were. We both knew we could kill each other. In a strange way, we had given each other trust. As I learned centuries ago, the only way to gain a demon's trust, is by trusting him first. Risky. Fruitful.
Several months passed in this relationship of mutual cooperation. It was a manifestation of my past as a Youko, merged with my present. Perhaps, the first notion of the balance I desired.
Geostygma, an infectious disease caused by the genes of an entity called Jenova. Her emissary, a superior class human, named Sephiroth.
I feel I will die soon, and perhaps return to the realm where I belong. I know I will die in his arms, and it does not bother me.
I feel comfortable dying like this.
His hands, are not cold.
Thank you, Wesker.