Ooh this is intriguing - I love POV switch type things.
There are a few spelling mistakes and a couple of odd tense changes that I could point out if you don't have anyone else to do that, but otherwise, wow, this was quite chilling actually.
He felt horror at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him. He also felt skin-crawling excitement at the idea of anyone's hands on him, and that gave rise to a meta-horror at the very idea of his own excitement at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him. - is a great line and I love the whole last section, particularly His simulated lips are not red and swollen; the fevered rush of simulated blood through his brain has not left his face flushed. The only sign of what happened is his disordered, tangled mat of curls. It's angry and upset and quite the complement to 'Hours' - you two make a great team.
Just gave this a sober re-read (just had to give it a read last night before I went to bed), and it's still great! It makes me grin like an idiot to see someone else elaborate or put a different spin on something I have written; it's like it makes it more real, somehow. Er. If that makes any sense. :) Spesifics:
and that gave rise to a meta-horror at the very idea of his own excitement at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him. Yep, that's Rimmer alright.
Love the green light detail. I put the recorder in to give Rimmer something to do, and you did wonderful things with it!
Rimmer touching himself - in both meanings of the term - was sad and evocative and all sorts of things. And I must admit I've always been curious about hologram masturbation because, well, I'm a perv. ;)
like a junkie trying to capture the lost brilliance of the first hit, he tried to feel more he was caught in trying to feel more and feeling more of nothing.I think "evocative" is my word of the day. You can feel the desperation oozing off of this. And,
( ... )
Erm, actually, scratch that request - it wouldn't fit. I wasn't thinking. I would like to use Rimmer's experience of holographic existance though, if I may. :)
Ja, it's all very well for someone to say they like your fic, but when they write based on it, it means it came alive for them. ;)
(Dammit, I'm using the plural as a generic singular. You know what I mean.)
Heh, when I read your fic, that just stayed in my mind - "Oh my, the recorder is still on!" And I couldn't help but think that Rimmer would find that out - after he suffers Listerus Interruptus. :(
Danke for the comments! And yes, borrow anything you like - I borrowed your plot, after all!
Comments 6
There are a few spelling mistakes and a couple of odd tense changes that I could point out if you don't have anyone else to do that, but otherwise, wow, this was quite chilling actually.
He felt horror at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him. He also felt skin-crawling excitement at the idea of anyone's hands on him, and that gave rise to a meta-horror at the very idea of his own excitement at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him. - is a great line and I love the whole last section, particularly His simulated lips are not red and swollen; the fevered rush of simulated blood through his brain has not left his face flushed. The only sign of what happened is his disordered, tangled mat of curls. It's angry and upset and quite the complement to 'Hours' - you two make a great team.
Oh, and the very last word. Very nice indeed.
Reply
Reply
Hehehe... roadstergal writes a great Rimmer. :)
Reply
and that gave rise to a meta-horror at the very idea of his own excitement at the very idea of Lister's grotty hands on him.
Yep, that's Rimmer alright.
Love the green light detail. I put the recorder in to give Rimmer something to do, and you did wonderful things with it!
Rimmer touching himself - in both meanings of the term - was sad and evocative and all sorts of things. And I must admit I've always been curious about hologram masturbation because, well, I'm a perv. ;)
like a junkie trying to capture the lost brilliance of the first hit, he tried to feel more
he was caught in trying to feel more and feeling more of nothing.I think "evocative" is my word of the day. You can feel the desperation oozing off of this. And, ( ... )
Reply
Reply
(Dammit, I'm using the plural as a generic singular. You know what I mean.)
Heh, when I read your fic, that just stayed in my mind - "Oh my, the recorder is still on!" And I couldn't help but think that Rimmer would find that out - after he suffers Listerus Interruptus. :(
Danke for the comments! And yes, borrow anything you like - I borrowed your plot, after all!
Reply
Leave a comment