Vignette: Rest in Peace (G)
Fic: Rest in Peace
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister pre-slash
Rating: G
Summary: Lister's snoring is keeping Rimmer up.
"It's not fair," Rimmer whinged, peering into the mirror at the dark circles under his eyes, as his bunkmate, looking chirpy and well-rested munched contentedly on a bowl of curried cornflakes. "Once you're dead, you should be able to rest in peace. There's a reason they put it on all the tombstones, you know."
"Not all," Lister countered. "Me gran's said, 'Now she won't have to raise hell, 'cause that's where she's going.'"
Rimmer snorted. "No respect for the dead, Lister, that's your problem. No respect. Your utter lack of good taste aside, one might think that, being dead, I might, at the very least, be entitled to, as I said, rest in peace. But do you know what I have to put up with instead? Do you?"
Lister rolled his eyes, "Tell me, Rimmer."
Rimmer rounded on him, nostrils flaring. "I have to put up with you, snoring like a wet, pregnant warthog all night long, that's what! Look at me. I have bags under my eyes. Bags, Listy. I'm a hologram. I shouldn't be able to get bags under my eyes, but I've managed it, because the disgusting noises you make could wake the smegging dead. I'm a wreck, and it's all thanks to you."
"Oh, eh." Lister put down his bowl to look him over slowly. "You don't look as bad as all that." He winked cheerily, tilted his chair forwards to return the two front legs to the ground with a thump, and strolled from the room. Let the smeghead stew on that. Give him something else to keep him up nights.