I hate the word gay, because I’m not that, and I hate the word straight, because I’m not that either. I feel like naming something as inconcrete as preference begs for alignment of oneself to one of these groups and their connotations, rather than a verbal way of recognizing something. Bisexual is a wildly inaccurate word as well: I do not have a dual sexuality; I have one that is maybe broader than some people allow theirs to be, but it’s not divided. I don’t really like people that much in general, but my love for individuals has nothing to do with their dicks or vaginas, and I would be pathetic if it did. It’s a weird thing to struggle with, because as much as I’d like to be honest, I think that if I make it a big deal-coming out, telling people-I’m acting as though it’s a big deal to me, which I shouldn’t, because I am me and there is nothing wrong with that. If I give it a name, it will be a name that can be twisted and mutilated, rather than if it doesn’t have one, it stays with me. I am seventeen and have has exactly two significant relationships, both with guys. But I’m entering into one with a girl (which is a grossly inaccurate description of her), who is the most clever, funny, sweet and brilliant person who has been in my life since as long as I can remember, and that absolutely will not remain a secret. I hate that it’s even an issue and I don’t know what to do with it, and I hate that other people can taint something that is ours with insecurity and doubt because of their hate. I love her and have for years and I hope to be with her for the rest of my life, and yet I know that there will be people somewhere who think that we are evil and want us dead for love, which the most perverse convoluted shit ever.
So uhm. This is probably very long and very irrelevant and basically my life story? From the standpoint of some sort of pretentious sociologist/anthropologist or something. So you can probably just ignore it, but really. I just wanted to say thanks.
So uhm. This is probably very long and very irrelevant and basically my life story? From the standpoint of some sort of pretentious sociologist/anthropologist or something. So you can probably just ignore it, but really. I just wanted to say thanks.
Reply
Leave a comment